The book
by Limited Wisdom
Summary: What would happen if Bella read a copy of Twilight before she went to Forks? Would she be able to change anything?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The story and the characters belong to S. Meyer, and while we are being honest the idea of Bella reading Twilight belongs to someone else as well, a ObsidianMoon9653 but in her version she lets both Edward and Bella read the books (the story ID is 6436902 if you wish to read it) though I seem to recall having seen it before. I don't know the protocol for borrowing someone's idea sorry if I offend. Oh well back to what I was trying to say, I liked her story so much I could not help but write my own version of it.

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Chapter 1: Strange Occurrences

I woke up a little too early in the morning, the sunshine coming through my blinds was warming my feet. I was not complaining, instead I kicked off the blanket from my toes wiggled them, trying to soak up as much sun as possible. Beams of sunlight warming my toes in the morning were not going to be a common occurrence from now on, instead I would be greeted with rain and more rain. But I would not think of that too much, instead I would enjoy my last morning in what was starting to feel like paradise.

Finally getting out of bed I managed to scrape my right knee when I tripped over one of my packed bags. I pushed the bag closer to the wall and grabbed something to wear - the jeans that for the immediate future would be a must in my wardrobe, I was reaching for a long sleeve T-shirt but decided to wear my favorite shirt instead. There was no way I was going to be able to wear a sleeveless shirt from now on, I might as well enjoy it while I can. My shower took a long time while I tried to work out the kinks from my muscles. The prospect of switching schools in the middle of the semester of my junior year was not something I was looking forward to, but it had to be done.

"You made a decision, Bella, now stick to it." The little pep talk did not work, instead I reminded myself why I was doing this - my mother. Beautiful, erratic, and very disorganized - she was most certainly a free spirit. One that had found her true love; it was within my power to release her to follow him. All I had to do was banish myself to the purgatory that was known as Forks.

Forks, Washington is located in the northwestern portion of the state. The only distinction this tiny town can lay claim to is the rain - there are more cloudy days in that insignificant town than in any other place in the United States.

My mother had broken us free of this cloudy prison when I was merely a few months old, my father had remained in that depressing place. Every summer I had been forced to spend a month with my father in that dreary, miserable town. Finally when I turned fourteen I worked up the strength to tell my father I would not spend any more time in that place; he agreed to meet me elsewhere.

I stepped out of the shower, and after quickly dressing and brushing my teeth I attempted to untangle my long brown hair. It had a small amount of wave in it, giving me that in between look - it was not straight enough to do the sleek look, but too straight to pull off the curly look. I considered cutting my hair short but then I would have nothing to hide behind.

I used to towel to clean the fogged up mirror - nothing had changed overnight. I still had the dark brown eyes, that were paired with the too pale skin. That reminded me to put on my lotion with the sunscreen - I guess that was one good thing about not living in Phoenix anymore, I would no longer have to slather myself with SPF 70.

I gathered up my used towel to take to the hamper in the laundry room, but as soon as I stepped out of the shower my mission was forgotten. The acrid smell of smoke filled the air outside the bathroom. I quickly rushed to the kitchen to find my mother waving a dishtowel over a very dark looking pancake.

"Mom, what are you doing?" I asked in an exasperated voice, walking over to her I pushed her aside to pick up the pan and dump its contents into the garbage can. I noticed that the current pancake joined several other failed attempts in the trash.

"I was trying to cook you a farewell breakfast." She looked slightly ashamed, and there was no possibility of not forgiving her. This was my mother, Renee.

"That was very sweet mom but cereal is fine." I walked back to the sink, turning on the water I left the pan to soak - I was very good at cleaning up burned messes, the years of living with my mother had given me a great many opportunities to practice.

My mother drove me to the airport, Phil was gone for an away game. She would join him as soon as I was off. For a moment fear gripped me, what was my mother going to do without me? It was true that she had Phil, who despite being a few years her junior was a lot more responsible and mature. I had been the one taking care of her for the past several years, maybe I should have given him a list of things to watch out for. My mother rarely made the same mistake twice, she tended to be original in all ways.

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" My mother asked sincerely. The temptation to tell her the truth hit me hard but I resisted.

"No I want to go," this was technically a lie. I was surprised my mother did not call me out on my lie. Maybe I was getting a little better at this, practice makes perfect, and I had told this lie a thousand times over.

My mother tried to make eye contact but I refused to look her in the face, instead I hid behind my long hair. "Anytime you want to come home, just give me a call. I will come back." There was determination in her voice but also a little regret. I could not tell if she was regretting letting me go to Forks, or if she did not wish to leave Phil.

"Everything will be fine mom." I don't know if I was trying to fool her or myself. "It will be great to get to know Charlie...I mean dad a little better."

She gave me a long hug, I don't know which one of us was more worried to leave their child alone. I saw a few tears starting to pool at the bottom of her eyes, my goodbyes became a little more swift. I needed to go get on that plane before I changed my mind. Though that was not true, I very rarely changed my mind - stubborn was my middle name, and once I decided on a plan I seldom detoured from my course.

I found the right gate and sat down on one of the seats. I still had over an hour before my plane took off. Maybe I should have brought a book to read, but my carryon item was a parka - something I would need once my plane landed.

The overhead announcer welcomed everyone to the Phoenix Airport, informed us of the weather being a pleasant seventy-five degrees and cloudless sunny skies. Standing up I paced towards the window, unable to sit still. I looked outside, past the airplanes being taxies around, past the buildings into the desert. I would miss this place, I love Phoenix, the heat, the surrounding hills, and just the general energy of the place. I was not exactly the party animal, in fact I was the exact opposite; but I could still appreciate the vibrancy of the city and the people in it. I shifted the parka in my hand since the bulky object was starting to slip, that was when I head a large thud.

I looked down and saw a book on the floor, it looked somewhat old and battered. The front and back covers were missing, the binding was cracked to the point that you could not read the title or the author. I picked it up quickly, looking around to see the owner but it seemed that I was the only person in the vicinity. I did not spend to much time pondering where this book had come from, instead I smiled at the lucky find. There was nothing I loved more than a good book, and at this point I might even be willing to read a bad book. Anything to take my mind off the fact that I was going to Forks, permanently - no, no it was only for a year and a half. Then hopefully some college in southern California would give me a full scholarship and I could leave the rain behind.

I quickly went back to my seat, the book description that is usually present on the back was gone. So I just started on the first page.

"PREFACE:

I'd never given much though to how I would die -"

The words sucked me in, it was kind of strange that the book mentioned Forks; but I did not spend too much time pondering the coincidence, instead I continued onto the first chapter. I needed to know what had brought the character to this point of sacrifice.

The first chapter scared me, the story seemed to be about me? I tried in vain again to identify the name of the book or the author but both were gone. I did not spend that much time on that mystery - there was the more important question of what was wrong with Edward Cullen. My curiosity overpowered the fear that was brought on by the fact that someone knew this much about me and the motivation behind my decisions. But why had Edward acted so strangely, I needed to know. So I continued to read the battered book.

My reading was interrupted by the flight attendant, we were asked to line up at the gate - our plane was ready to board.

I continued to read voraciously through the book, needing to solve the mystery of this Edward almost as much as the Bella in the book. I was a little disappointed when book-Bella as I started to call her finally figured it out. Everyone knew that vampires were not pretty, they were old and creepy and slept during the day. Vampires did not attend high school and glare at seventeen year old teenage girls.

I had gotten halfway through the book by the time I met my father at the Port Angeles airport. I put on my parka before I stepped outside of the terminal, the book was safely tucked away in one of my jacket's pockets. My father had been very happy when I informed him about my choice of finishing up high school in Forks, but I was pretty sure he was a little confused. Over the years I had not exactly been very diplomatic regarding how I felt about Forks - he was probably wondering what had caused the change of heart.

He had not protested when I had informed him of my decision, in fact he had gone out of his way to make sure my move would be easy. Thanks to Charlie I was already registered for high school. That was one of many differences between my parents, my mother would have never though of something practical like making sure the school would be informed of my arrival.

My father greeted me with hug that was the complete opposite of my mother's. While my mother had thrown anything and everything she had into he embrace my father was a little more cautions - this was something I had in common with my father.

I tripped while stepping off the curb, my father barely managed to grab me before I could fall into the puddle. I looked up at the heavily clouded sky and sighed, this was not unexpected - I knew exactly where I was coming.

The hour drive to Forks from Port Arthur was a little awkward, but this was nothing out of the ordinary. Both my father and I have a hard time expressing ourselves, neither one of us are big talkers. So the drive in the police cruiser was relatively quiet. Charlie asked about my flight, and my mother; I gave him the usual "fine" answer. He did not say anything after that, while I wondered if he would be offended if I pulled my book out and continued to read. I really wanted to know what happens to Edward in the sunlight - why could he not go outside?

As we got closer to town I tried my best to forget about the fact that my father is Police Chief of Forks, there was something embarrassing about riding in a police car. This was one of the major reasons I had asked my father to help me buy a car soon, I might not have a lot of money but I was willing to sacrifice the meager contents of my checking account so that I would not have to ride in the cruiser. I thought back to the book-Bella, it would be awesome to get that truck. It would really be perfect for me.

About half an hour into the drive my father cleared his throat awkwardly. "I found a good car for you, really cheap," his tone made me suspicious.

"What kind of a car is this?" The little voice in my head whispered, please say truck, please say truck. I quickly pulled myself away form that train of thought. Get with the program, Bella, this is reality not the fantasy of that book.

"It is a truck actually, a Chevy."

A sense of deja vu overcame me, was this not what had happened in the book? "Where did you get this truck?" My voice shook only a little, part of it was anticipation and part was fear. I did not know if I wanted him to say he got it from Billy Black or not.

"Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?"

"No." But apparently I will meet his son soon enough if I accept an invitation to the beach. Stick to reality Bella, and pay attention to your father.

"He used to go fishing with us during the summer," he was a good driver and did not look over at me like other people would have. Luckily for me he did not see the grimace that spread across my face. Those were not the best of times, there were a lot of accidents that occurred then - usually involving me and a trip to the Emergency Room.

"He is in a wheelchair now, so he can't drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap." My father's words were starting to scare me. Did book-Bella's father not get her the truck. But I would not be distracted, instead I decided to pay attention to what my father was saying. I thoroughly questioned him about the truck. It turned out that it was a really old truck from the sixties, and Charlie had already bought it from me.

I tried my best to hide my surprise as I thanked my father for the gift. Hopefully this thing would run as well as the truck in the book - but I had to stop thinking like that.

Charlie seemed embarrassed by my thanks though I had not been that enthusiastic. We both tend to keep what we felt to ourselves, that was one thing that I had inherited from my father.

The conversation died again, but then what exactly were we supposed to talk about? We were practically strangers, spending two weeks together once a year was not exactly conductive to a close relationship. I stared out the window instead, looking at my future prison for the next year and a half. The low clouds made a depressing ceiling overhead, the trees were the bars, and the ferns underneath the canopy were the barbed wire I could never get past. I was one of the biggest klutzes I had ever met, I could trip over nothing at all - so the prospect of having to walk through the woods with so many things around that could potentially trip me was terrifying. I would make sure to stay inside, where it was dry and warm.

My father pulled up to the small two story house that he had bought with my mother eighteen years ago. My new truck was parked on the street right in front of the house - I was a little scared to note that the truck was a faded red, just like the book. There are no such thing as vampires, I reassured myself.

I quickly overcame the fear as I instantly fell in love with the truck - it certainly had character. The thing was probably made out of solid steel, it could plow through several cars all at once, without getting a dent. Not that I would be entering some monster truck contest or anything, but knowing my luck it would be best to be inside of a steel cage.

My thanks this time were a little more enthusiastic, I even managed to get a smile out of my father. This was a small ray of hope, I would not have to ask Charlie to drive me to the school in the police cruiser tomorrow - my other alternative had been walking, but it was a two mile journey and more than likely it would be raining. This truck was awesome. My father left me to kick the fenders while he opened the trunk of the cruiser.

"No Ch...dad, I can get that." I told him when I noticed him pulling my larger suitcase out of the trunk. Not that it was that heavy, most of my clothes had to be left behind in Phoenix- it was not like spaghetti straps could ever be worn around these parts. My mother had helped me try to buy a few warmer clothes but it was somewhat hard to find real "winter" clothes in Phoenix. So most of the weight of my bags were due to the books and music I had brought with me.

My room was the same one I had been using every time I had come to visit, both windows faced the front yard. The wooden floor was covered by a small woven rug, there were faded yellow curtains around the window. The only change that had been made since the last time I was here was the computer on the small desk. My mother had demanded this as a means for us to keep in touch.

The only other rooms on the second floor were Charlie's bedroom and a tiny bathroom. I was avoiding the knowledge that there was only one bathroom in the house. Charlie did not spend too much time in my room once we got all of my things upstairs.

"I guess I will leave you to unpack." He told me as he backed out the door. I should have taken his advice and unpacked but instead I quickly pulled the book out of my pocket and devoured the next three chapters before I noticed the time. My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I had skipped lunch. I quickly unzipped one of my suitcases, putting away the inevitable jeans and thick sweaters. I only pulled my bathroom bag out of my second bag. I left my books and music - I would go for a quick bathroom break before I went to look for dinner.

My hair was already tangled from both the long plane ride as well as the damp weather; I decided on a quick shower since it was the only way I was going to get these tangles out. I looked at myself in the mirror, my pale skin looked almost green here - it could be due to the lighting or because leaving the fantasy world of the book I had to face reality. Tomorrow I would be starting at Forks High School, more than likely I would be the center of attention as the new girl - I was ready to break down and cry over that fact. I had always been somewhat shy and a loner, preferring my books to actual people. It is not that I disliked people, it was more along the lines that I had nothing in common with most people - especially people my age. I was not exceptionally good in school, though I did excel in some topics such as English and Science. I was not at all athletically inclined, my clumsiness that was almost a disease guaranteed that any form of physical activity would lead to humiliation and injury - sometimes I managed to harm not only myself but others around me.

Physically my mother and I were very similar, both in the shapes of our faces and our coloring, but that was where the resemblance ended. My mother was one of those people that could always make friends no matter where she was, in contrast I was one of those people that would always feel awkward and self-conscious no matter what social situation I was in. There were a few friends I was leaving behind in Phoenix but there was no best friend that understood me through and through. I always felt like the alien child and if it had not been for the fact that my father was just as introverted as I am I would have not been surprised if my mother told me I was adopted.

I felt like I always had to put on a show, trying to behave like people expected me to. Now I was going to go from a school with over two thousand students to one that had less than three hundred. I would no longer be able to hide in the crowd, the numbers were now against me. It did also hurt that I looked nothing like the girl from Arizona was supposed to look like: tall, blonde, athletic. Instead I was relatively short, dark haired and not sporty at all. I sighed as I tried to keep the tears at bay, tomorrow was going to be awful. Maybe if I read a little more from my book I could avoid thinking about it.

I reminded myself that this was my choice, and I had made my mother very happy. "All you have to do is get through a year and a half, not even that." I felt the tears starting to form behind my eyes. Taking a deep breath I went downstairs to make something to eat, looking around the kitchen I realized that the book had gotten another fact right - I was going to have to go grocery shopping very soon, otherwise it would be sandwiches with chips for dinner every night.

Nothing much was said during dinner, after asking if I had 'settled in all right' my father concentrated on his food instead. The silence was not bad, I did not feel a need to fill it.

I quickly said goodnight to my father and headed back upstairs to my book; but first I needed to brush my teeth and get into my pajamas. When I really got into a book there was usually nothing that could interrupt my concentration - I knew from experience that if I continued to read this book I would not stop until I was finished.

My alarm clock woke me up the next day, I rolled groggily out of bed - I really should not have stayed up so late finishing the book. Pulling on some jeans and a long sleeve shirt I headed to the bathroom to try to make something of my tangled hair. The humidity had made it more wavy than usual so it took me a while to work through all the knots - I examined myself in the mirror and noticed the dark circles under my eyes, with my pale skin I could now pass as a vampire. I giggled hysterically, my sleep deprivation was making me a little giddy.

My father wished me good luck at school, I mumbled a thanks in reply. My luck tended to be more of the bad variety. He was heading to work when I got downstairs. The work that was his family, other than fishing and watching sports, there was nothing he really had left. Grabbing a granola bar and quickly gulping down some orange juice I headed out the door. There was a thick fog as I stepped outside, the clouds had decided that forming a cage overhead was not enough. I stared up at the sky hoping to see even the glimmer of an outline of the sun, but that was not to be.

It would be about a ten minute drive to the school, had it been a normal school day I would have been on time, but today I had to stop by the main office to pick up my schedule. I quickly headed towards my truck, jumping in and hoping that I would be able to start the thing. The noise of the engine startled me when it first started, it quickly subsided to a quieter rumble, but not that much quieter. I guess I would never have to worry about Charlie borrowing the truck when he needed to covertly follow a suspect. The radio on the truck worked, unfortunately my choices of stations were not appealing.

Had the sign not been in front of the mismatched group of building I would have sworn this was not a high school. My high school in Phoenix had been a little more urban than this, the only landscaping being concrete and chain link fences. Here the buildings were interspersed with the trees, almost like the school was having a fight over space with the forrest - I got the impression the forrest would win. After parking in front of the building labeled 'Front Office' I quickly got out and practically ran for the door. The inside was pleasantly warm, and more importantly it was dry. Quickly looking around the small room I noticed the counter that split it in two. Everything in the room was covered by papers, you would think with the amount of papers piled up on the counter, stuck to the wall and hanging from the edges of the counter there would have a been a lot fewer trees outside. A large, red-haired woman was sitting behind the counter, I notice she was on a tall stool when I got a little closer. She looked up at me almost as soon as I got into the room, the curiosity was obvious in her eyes. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Isabella Swan." There was not much more I needed to say, almost immediately she straightened up and gave me a smile. Any hope I may have had of remaining anonymous and blending in with the crowd completely disappeared - it had been a desperate hope on my part, but I was good at compartmentalizing and I had done my best to block out the fact that I would be the new girl in a very, very small school. I would be the shinny new object that everyone stared at.

She gave me a schedule and the map of the school, the schedule needed to be signed by every one of my teachers and handed back by the end of the day. I ran back to my truck and circled around trying to find a parking spot, more people had appeared during the time I had spent getting my schedule.

I looked around the parking lot happily noticing that while the other cars might not be as old as mine none of them looked fancy or brand new. I had just spotted an open parking spot when out of the corner of my eye I saw something silver. It was a silver Volvo. I slammed on the brakes quickly as I nearly collided with a car, my heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest. This increased speed had very little to do with the near accident and everything to do with the shiny silver volvo. I took a deep breath and concentrated on parking the truck, this time I looked where I was going and did not even take one peek at the volvo.

My hands were shaking as I stopped the engine, I took deep breaths as I tried to calm my heart. The other students walking around were staring at me curiously. I tried my best to ignore them as I looked at the map, and tried to memorize the route to English so that I would not have to constantly be looking at the map. I took a deep breath again and after stuffing my map into my bag quickly opened the door to my truck and stepped out of the warm and dry cab.

I tried my best not to look around, I knew what I was searching for but I would not allow myself to do that. There was no such thing as vampires, it was just a book - just a book. I forced myself to stop breathing so quickly, I was hyperventilating so badly that I was starting to see spots. It would really not be a good thing to pass out on my first day of school. Finding building '3' I followed some raincoats through the door; when we got to the pegs hanging by the door they stopped to hang up their jackets. I was reluctant to give up the warm jacket, even though I felt like a biosafety suit it still was warm - but when in Rome. The raincoats turned out to be a couple of pale skinned girls, at least that was one thing I could have in common with the people here. Unfortunately it would probably be the only thing we would have in common. It was easy enough to locate the teacher, he was the one in the front of the class behind the large desk. The measuring look he gave me brought on an intense blush, but much to my relief after signing my schedule and giving me a reading list he sent me to the back of the classroom. I could feel the stares as I walked to my assigned desk, my face got even more red.

I looked up once when I finally got to my seat, no one was outright staring at me but I knew everyone's attention was directed towards me. This was my idea of a personal hell, I reminded myself yet again I had done this for my mother. I looked over the reading list, this would not be that bad - Mr Mason according to the nameplate on his desk had good taste in literature, so long as he did not bring attention to me in class we would get along just fine. I had essays written on most of these books, maybe I could get my mother to send them to me.

I was not paying attention to the teacher as my mind jumped back to the fact that I had seen a silver volvo in the parking lot. What was I supposed to do? What if they were vampires? What if Edward did not have enough control and managed to kill the entire biology class? The Edward from the books would feel a great deal of remorse and guilt if I allowed that to happen. I laughed at myself, I don't know how it happened but I was trying to protect a fictional vampire from himself.

The bell rang startling me out of my thoughts, a tall skinny boy with really bad skin and dark hair leaned across the aisle. I pulled back a little, startled as he spoke directly to me. None of the others had been brave enough to do so before now. "You are Isabella Swan." It was not a question.

"Bella." I corrected him, no one called me by my full name. All of a sudden everyone around us thought my speaking was the excuse they needed to turn around and stare. I felt my face turning a beet red as I stood up and tried to gather up the things I had pulled out of my bad during the class.

"Where is your next class?" He asked, eager to help.

I saw no reason not to tell him, plus if he gave me directions I would not have to pull out the map. Looking down at my schedule I answered swiftly, wanting to get away from the group that had not stopped staring. "Jefferson, Government, building six?"

"I could show you the way, I am headed to building four. I'm Eric." He was the helpful type but I was not going to protest, especially if I could use it to escape the curious eyes all around me.

We gathered up our jacked and put them on before heading out the door. The fog had abated some but the rain had picked up. There was no way to win in this place was there.

"So, this is it a lot different than Phoenix, huh?" he asked.

"Very." It was interesting to note that I had not mentioned to him that I was from Phoenix.

"It doesn't rain much there, does it?"

"Three or four times a year." But then it is nothing like this, it is a deluge that lasts about fifteen minutes, then you were done and could get on with your life.

"Wow, what must that be like?" he wondered.

"Sunny," I told him reluctantly, not wanting to encourage a deep conversation but at the same time not wanting to alienate a classmate on the first day.

"You don't look very tan." He pointed out the obvious. I tried to suppress a cringe, he has noticed my alien features.

"My mother is part albino." I tried to make a joke of it.

He slowed down his walk to look at me, confusion written on his face. I did not roll my eyes at him, though I was very tempted. Maybe he did not know what sarcasm was, I hope this was not a symptom of the effect the rain had on people.

Eric helpfully walked me all the way to the door, like everyone else I had talked to this morning he wished me good luck. He got a hopeful look on his face when he told me it would be nice if we had some other classes together. I tried to keep my smile polite but at the same time not encouraging.

The rest of the morning continued in the same pattern. Find new classroom, get examined by teacher, try not to be noticed or trip over my feet as I walk to my desk, and at the end another brave and helpful person would escort me to my next class. The worst possible teacher was Mr Varner, my Trigonometry teacher, not only did he teach the hated subject but he made me stand up in front of the class and introduce myself. I managed to trip twice as I tried to escape to my seat. My blush did not abate until almost the end of the class. Everyone asked me about how I was liking Forks, I did not want to insult their hometown on the first day so I ended up lying most of the time.

One girl that was both in my Trig and Spanish class ended up walking me to the cafeteria for lunch. I kind of was starting to like her, she asked question but did not really require much more than a monosyllable answer. She was too busy talking most of the time to notice my lack of attention. I on the other hand was too busy trying to settle the butterflies in my stomach. In the book Bella first sees the Cullens during lunch at the cafeteria. I jumped form avid curiosity and hope that they would be there to trying to remind myself it was only a book.

Jessica, the girl I was following around, at least I think that was her name escorted me to a table with six of her friends. As she made the introductions everyone stared at me curiously, I tried to hid behind my hair not really paying attention to the name of the people sitting around the table. The name Angela, peeked my interest and I actually looked her in the eye - according to the book she was a sweet and nice girl. I certainly hoped so, I needed a friend.

I had purposely kept my eyes down and pointed only at our table, I felt my head moving of its own volition trying to see if I could find what I was hoping and fearing to see. After sitting down, Jessica continued her monologue but my participation did not seem to be required so after one fortifying breath I looked away from my table and searched the cafeteria.

I felt my hopes crash down as while I searched vainly around the long room, I could feel the prickles of tears starting to form behind my eyes. I had not realized how much I had wanted there to be an Edward... one for me. Someone who would love and understand me, but that was not to be. My shoulders fell and I could feel one tear escape from my eye, I turned to my side in the chair and tried to cover most of my face with my hair. That was when I finally saw them, I had been looking in the wrong direction. In the far corner of the room sitting around a small table were five individuals. Unlike the other students they were not eating or talking, the food on the trays in front of them was still in its wrappings. There was another glaring difference, something that truly set them apart from the other students - they were not looking at me. I was not completely conceited or anything but everywhere I had gone today people had looked at me curiously. The group of five were not looking at me, they were not even looking at each other really. But all that was minor details compared to one massive observation, they were the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen. Not even the actors in movies could compare to them when it came to looks.

There were three boys and two girls sitting around the table. If my book was correct the largest of the boys was Emmett, he really looked too old to be here. From the profile I could see a goofy grin on his face, it made me want to go over there and ruffle the dark curls on top of his head. The next boy was leaner than Emmett but his limbs looked a lot longer, I was willing to be he would be the taller of the two - this must be Jasper. I quickly skipped over the last boy, I wanted to save him for last. Rosalie gave a whole new meaning to the hour glass figure, even with the table in the way I could tell she had the perfect body to go along with her perfect face. Alice was almost exactly like I pictured her, despite the fact that she was standing still I could feel the energy just strumming off of her small body. She was so tiny, it looked like you could pick her up and put her in your pocket. I watched as she concentrated on something, was she trying to see the future?

They all had the pale skin, I would not think it possible but their skin was whiter than mine. The ones whose eyes I could see had the dark eyes of a hungry vampire combined with the dark circles under their eyes. I shook my head a little bit trying to get rid of these ludicrous thoughts. I was just sleep deprived, these were not vampires. There are no such thing as vampires, a small shudder moved down my spine as I tried to convince myself of this.

I moved my eyes to the final person sitting at the table, I had deliberately save him for last. I wanted to know if he looked anything like what I had pictured in my head. I could only see his profile but from what I could tell my imagination had totally sucked or else the author of the book was not very good at descriptions. I started my perusal at the top of that beautiful head, his hair was a living thing, it seemed to have its own personality and attitudes. My hands under the table opened and closed as I resisted the urge to go over there and run my fingers through the bronze mess. The jawline in profile was strong and absolutely breathtaking. I looked away from him before I did something foolish.

As I watched Alice rose with her untouched tray and moved towards the door, she was more graceful than the most practiced ballerina I had ever seen. A small part of me clenched with envy at the way she could just glide across the room. My suspicions rose, every bit of the food she had just disposed of had been untouched as far as I could tell. What was going on?

Despite the fact that I had just promised myself not to be suspicious and not to start thinking there were vampires living in Forks I could not resist asking, "Who are they?" My voice came out a little too awed for my taste, but there was no way to be nonchalant about that group.

Jessica was in the middle of a sentence when I interrupted her with my question. For a moment her eyes narrowed in annoyance, she did not like to be interrupted. She immediately followed my gaze but I could tell she knew who I was referring to. Edward immediately looked over to us, almost like Jessica had called him by name. He did not linger long on her instead he moved from her to swiftly look at me. I don't know how red my face was but from the feel of it my cheeks were probably hot enough to cook eggs. I quickly ducked behind my hair, hoping he had not seen the utter infatuation in my eyes.

I heard Jessica's giggle, as she too looked away from the table across the room. I took a quick peek back and noticed he had turned his attention away from us. There was nothing of interest here, not that I could blame him.

"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale." Jessica went through the history of the Cullen family for me, I listened only partially as she confirmed what I already knew. She was reciting the lie the Cullens told people, the one that allowed them to live amongst the humans. I made a few comments trying to encourage her to tell me the full story.

"They are very...interesting looking." I tried not to be too enthusiastic, yes they had absolutely amazing looks but if my book was correct it was not their looks that made them awe inspiring - it was their struggles to be better than the rest of their kind.

"They are all together you know, and they all live together." Her tone told me she was imparting some sort of juicy gossip. I suppressed a giggle afraid it would come out a little hysterical sounding. I did not pay attention to Jessica anymore, she had confirmed the identities of the Cullen family members. I had enough of a presence of mind to nod at her every minute or so just to make her think I was listening to her. My mind was going a million miles an hour; could it be true? I tried to remember what happened in the book: I went to Biology class and had to sit next to Edward glared at me because he wanted to drink my blood.

It is just a book, it is just a book - the chant was not able to reassure me any longer. What if the book was wrong and Edward was not able to resist, what if he ended up killing everyone in that room? I did not want to die, but more importantly I did not want to be responsible for the death of all those other people. I was starting to feel a little queazy at the thought.

"Bella are you okay, you kind of turned a little green?" Angela interrupted my morbid thoughts.

I opened my mouth to tell her my usual 'I am fine' but instead I snapped my mouth shut. For the first time in my life I contemplated doing something that went against my nature, I considered faking sick in order to get out of school. It would solve my problem while I tried to figure out if it there was any truth to the book, I don't know how I could find out. It was not like I could go up to one of the Cullens and ask the if they were vampires that had decided to abstain from human blood and were living off of animal blood instead. That conversation would end well. "Yeah I am feeling a little sick to my stomach."

Angela offered to help me walk to the nurses station, so grabbing my things we headed back to the building labeled Front Office. The same woman was behind the counter and her curious look was soon replaced by one of pity as Angela explained that I was feeling sick.

She ushered me into a small room with an old fashioned looking examining table. Another woman, in her late fifties if the streaks of grey in her hair were anything to go by, was sitting on a chair reading a book. She was somewhat surprised to see us interrupting. "I feel like throwing up." This was not necessarily a lie. "Can I just lie down for a few minutes."

But my wish to be left alone was not going to come true, there was an offer to call my father to come get me. My vehement 'No' seemed to make them realize how opposed I was to that idea. Angela hoped that I would get better before she went off to class. I had made the right choice by skipping, she would have been one of the victims. Sometime in the cafeteria, while staring at Edward, I had come to a decision. I was going to treat the book like it was true, at least until I get some information that tells me otherwise. Unfortunately up to this point the book had been correct in all ways. There was one thing the book had gotten wrong, there was no possible way that beautiful boy could possibly love me. He might be curious about me because he could not read my mind, or because I am a freak but there was no way he could ever love me.

So I would sit next to him for the next four months and try to ignore everything I knew about him. The fact that he was a vampire but also the fact that he was brilliant, sweet, and amazingly kind. I could feel myself falling already. No,no I could not allow that to happen, it would only lead to heartache. But I had to come up with a plan, Edward said that it was my smell that bothered him. Maybe if there was a way for him to smell me when his family was around to stop him from doing something dangerous. But how was I supposed to do that? Walk up to his front door, if I was wrong about the fact that they were vampires I would look like a complete lunatic. Was there a way to anonymously introduce him to my smell? Could I send him a letter or something? Deliver a package to his house - but that plan had major flaws, there was a high risk that I was going to get caught, and the fact that I did not know where he lived.

That was when I remembered Carlisle, he worked at the hospital, what if I went there and left something with my scent on it. I had a scarf in my backpack that I had shoved in this morning just in case, I could put it in an envelope and drop it off in Carlisle's office. The hospital was not that large, if I recall from previous visits, it would be easy enough to locate Carlisle's office. The nurse came back in the room offering me an icepack for the back of my neck, surprisingly it helped. The nausea was starting to recede, but it might have just been the fact that I had come to a decision. I looked at the clock, half an hour more before the end of this class and then off to gym. Yay gym, my own personal hell; hopefully I would only damage myself and not take out anyone with me.

"You look a little better." The nurse pointed out as I sat up.

"Thank you for the ice pack it is really helping. I don't know what was wrong with me." I told my lie, the blush on my face probably gave me away though.

"Hmmm, do you feel faint?" There was some suspicion in her voice.

"I did a little bit. Why do you ask?" Whatever she was thinking I doubted it was that I was scared to go to Biology class because there was a potential vampire that thought I smelt delicious.

"When was the first day of your first period?" She ask in a matter of fact voice.

I started counting the days when I realized what she was suspecting, for a moment I wished the earth would just open up and swallow me whole. Maybe I could just yell for Edward and tell him to come and get some really yummy human blood. "Um, there is no way I am pregnant, absolutely no possible way."

I lay back down on the bed and tried to force the color to leave my cheeks but that was not going to happen anytime soon. When the bell rang I headed for the door, I explained to the woman at the front desk that I would stop to talk to my biology teacher after school. She gave a me a note from the nurse to excuse my absence.

I trudged through the rain towards the large building that housed the gym, hopefully I would not have to suit up today. The gym teacher was a Coach Clapp, he gave me a uniform but allowed me to sit out of class for the day. I thanked whatever guardian angel was out there, I did not think I could handle gym on top of everything else on my plate today. I sat in the bleachers trying to block out the four different volleyball games that were going on all at the same time. This was going to be ugly, I could tell already. In Phoenix I had already completed the necessary P.E. credits but here you were required to take it all four years. Yet another reason to hate Forks, not that I needed anymore.

While I sat there thinking I refined my plans, if I got caught I would just use the excuse that I was familiarizing myself with the local hospital. With my medical records it would not be that much of a lie, I had spent a lot of time in the Emergency Room. I had pulled out the scarf form my bag and had securely wrapped it around my throat, I don't know how else I was supposed to make it smell like me.

After the final bell rang I waited a few minutes for everyone to leave before I made my way out of the building. "Hey how is it going?" I heard a friendly voice ask.

"Hi," I replied reluctantly. I did not want to seem rude but at the same time I had a mission and I wanted to complete it before I chickened out. I looked up to see a boy with short blonde hair meticulously gelled into sharp little spikes.

"My name is Mike. Welcome to Forks." His enthusiasm was not going to deter me from my plan. "So where are you going?"

"To biology class, I have to talk to the teacher."

"Here let me help you get there." Mike offered helpfully.

It turned out he was originally from California so he understood my need to the sun, I may have detected a bit of admiration in his voice but I could not be sure.

"Thanks, see you later," I told him a little more enthusiastically than I had intended but talking about the sun had made me the happiest I had been all day.

I walked into the small room, Mr. Banner said the plaque on his desk. Luckily he was still there. I mumbled my excuses as to why I had not shown up for class today, I don't think he believed me but the nurses note made it so he had not other choice but to give me a textbook and a copy of our current assignment.

I quickly headed back to the front office to turn in my paperwork, the woman at the front called me Isabella of course, this time I did not bother correcting her. When she turned her back on me I quickly pulled a big envelope from a stack on the counter shoving it into my bag before she noticed.

"Oh you are done, see you tomorrow." She told me as I backed away, my face blushing red at the prospect that I had stolen something.

It was not that hard to find the hospital, I parked the truck and walked through the sliding doors to the emergency room. There was a nurse behind the desk but she did not notice me, she was too busy doing her nails and talking on the phone. I swiftly walked down the hall trying to locate Dr Cullen's office, I walked by it once to make sure that no one was in there. My luck held out as I noticed the empty room, I knocked quietly before pushing the door open - there was no Carlisle hiding behind a door. I sprung to action pulling the scarf from my neck and stuffing it into my stollen envelope.

"To Edward from someone at school." I wrote on the front before I tossed it in the middle of the desk. Hopefully Carlisle had not gone home yet.

I did not linger very long in the office, I had an excuse to be in the hospital but no real excuse as to why I was in Dr. Cullen's office. I practically ran all the way to my truck, slamming the doors shut and locking the doors. As if that would actually protect me if they really were vampires. My heart was beating so loudly that it almost drowned out the engine of my truck, well almost but not quite.

The house was still empty when I opened the front door, despite my extracurricular activities it would still be a couple of hours before Charlie would get home. I looked around the kitchen trying to find something to eat. "Hmm I am so going to have to go to the grocery store tomorrow." With that in mind I started to make a list of groceries, but this task did not take me very long. I attacked my trig homework instead, concentrating on it and not the book that was sitting on the small table next to my bed. Finally I gave up on the homework, there was no way I was going to make sense of math; I turned on my computer, getting on the internet was somewhat of a challenge considering I was using dial-up. But beggars could not be choosers, so I fought back all the pop up windows. Finally I found the search engine I was looking for, typing in vampires I waited for my results to show up.

There was a great deal of information regarding vampires, most of it seemed wrong compared to my book. Some of it seemed outright ridiculous, one theme that seemed consistent was the fact that they were evil and soulless. I got angry at the computer and turned it off, there was obviously no new information I could find. What would happen if the book was wrong about some things, what if these were actually evil vampires? I was getting more and more worried, my plan had seemed brilliant at the time - if they are vampires they would smell me and Edward would know to avoid me, otherwise if they were just beautiful looking humans they would never be able to figure out where the scarf had come from. The only place I had worn it was gym class and even then I had made sure to tuck it under my shirt so no one would be able to recognize the scarf as belonging to me.

But what if the book was wrong and I had just invited them for dinner? I tried to push that thought away, I needed to find a way to stop thinking about this. Music - music was a good way to divert my thoughts away from such morbid places. I moved over to the small bag I had yet to unpack, there were no clothes in it only some essential books and music. Emptying the contents of the bag onto my bed I started furiously searching through the books for something, anything that would grab my interest.

It was not a cd that finally caught my attention, but a book - one that I was fairly certain had not been packed by me. Maybe my mother had put it in there as a surprise, both the back and front covers had been removed, the first page had a number three handwritten on it.

"Three?" I asked myself out loud, did this mean there was a two somewhere. I quickly searched through the pile locating not only book two but also a book four. I sank down on the floor next to the bed, my feet unable to hold me anymore. I was starting to hyperventilate, was I going insane? Did I really care at this point?

I grabbed the book labeled two and cleared my bed with one sweeping motion of my arms. All of my beloved books forgotten as I attacked book labelled with the number two. I did not bother reading the preface, it did not make that much sense anyway. Instead I headed straight into chapter one. I don't know how long I sat there reading, but I knew exactly where I stopped. Edward had said goodbye and he had taken everything that linked us together. He did not love me anymore.

"I can't believe he left me." I whispered as I realized there were tears streaming down my face. "How could he have left me?" I heard a car slam and the front door open and close as my father came home. This seemed to get me back into action, I closed my book quickly and hid it and the other three parts under my bed. Running quickly to the communal bathroom I splashed cold water on my face trying to get rid of the evidence of my tears.

"Hey Bells, I brought pizza for dinner, I hope you like pepperoni." My father told me by way of greeting. I nodded in response afraid that I would start crying again if I spoke.

I forced down some pizza, my appetite gone despite the fact that the only other food I had consumed today was the granola bar and orange juice this morning. I quickly made excuses to go upstairs. "Homework." I told my father as an excuse for my swift exit. I felt guilty, I should be spending some time with him. He had been kind enough to let me come stay with him, he might not have wanted the responsibility of a teenage girl.

But I could not think of my father right then and there, all I could think about was the fact that Edward had left me. I did not read anymore from the book that night. Instead I pushed my way through the remainder of my homework before going to take along hot shower. As I lay there in my bed at night I began to cry again, I was crying for the fact that I was stuck in Forks, that I would not be able to see the sun again for at least another year and a half, but mostly I cried for the Bella in the book. She had managed to find someone to love, someone who understood her but apparently it was not enough. Giving you heart and soul to another person was not enough to keep them next to you; what more could you give to ensure that someone would stay with you?

I woke groggy the next day, my eyes painfully gritty due to the fact that I had cried myself to sleep. I was running late so my father was already gone when I got downstairs, fortunately I had the presence of mind to grab my shopping list along with some money from the grocery jar. No matter what today was going to be a normal day, I would pay attention in class, I would be polite to the other students and most importantly I would forget about my obsession with the Cullen family.

I was able to stick to the plan during the morning - well mostly stick to the plan. I paid attention to Jessica's rambling through trigonometry class and spanish. Trig of course was horrible, I was asked a question and I got the answer wrong. I promised myself that I would study harder tonight, no more reading the books.

It was not until we got to the cafeteria I realized something - despite the fact that I was a terrible liar I was very good at lying to myself. I had been thinking of the Cullens all day long, as soon as we walked into the cafeteria I looked to the corner trying to figure out how many people were at the table. To my shock and surprise the table was empty.

What had I done? Maybe I was wrong, maybe they were just running a little late. But now that I thought back I had not seen the silver volvo in the parking lot this morning. Had I scared the entire family away. I tried to cling to hope, maybe there was another reason for their absence. I only got a drink in line, Jessica made some comment on my lack of appetite but I was not paying attention.

As we sat down at Jessica's usual table I noticed that several other people had joined the group, including Mike. I really hope I had not given him the wrong impression yesterday.

I felt a black wave of depression overcome me, the waves of misery became darker and darker as time went on and the Cullen's table remained empty.

"Nice of you to finally join us." The biology teacher told me when I walked into the class, he pointed out where I was supposed to sit. The seat next to me remained empty for the entire period as I tried my best to concentrate on the lecture.

Gym class was even worse, I was completely distracted and the one time I actually tried to go for the ball I ended up slamming it into my face instead.

I went to the grocery store gathering up food for the remainder of the week, this was an easy task. I had been in charge of getting groceries for several years now. At home it did not take me long to put away the food, I just shoved the various boxes where ever they would fit in the small kitchen. I started on dinner, steak and potatoes, and went upstairs to work on my homework. I was on autopilot when Charlie came home. He looked surprised when he smelled the aroma coming out of the kitchen, and a little nervous. I guess he still remembered my mother's cooking style, she tended to be a little too creative in the kitchen. I had to learn early on how to cook, otherwise we would not have anything edible to eat.

I almost smiled at the surprised look on his face when he tasted the steak, but I was too busy trying to hold back the black cloud that had descended over me.

Cleaning up the kitchen did not take enough time, so after my shower I sat on my bed letting the misery consume me. I had succeeded but I don't know exactly what I had accomplished, I tried to reassure myself that I potentially saved several lives. Mistakes happen and according to the book Edward had been very close to killing everyone just so he could drink my blood.

Maybe I was wrong, the Cullens could have been gone for another reason. It was very self-centered of me to believe that plain little me could have just scared them away. But the possibility of not seeing him again was painful. What had I done?

A little voice whispered in my ear, was it not better to have scared him off before I learned to love him. I tried to push away that horrible thought, maybe it was already too late. Maybe you could not change some things about fate, like who you loved.

_Tennyson:_

_I hold it true, whate'er befall;_

_I feel it, when I sorrow most;_

_'Tis better to have loved and lost_

_Than never to have loved at all._

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A/N: So what do you guys think? I don't know if I should continue with the story, I really wrote this chapter because I have writers block on my other fanfic and can't seem to get through it.

Come to think of it I have no idea what would happen next, any suggestions? I feel that Bella comes off as a little emo, but after rereading the first chapter of twilight in preparation for this that characteristic does not seem too far off the mark.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the vampires or other characters, they belong to SM.

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Chapter 2: Changes

There were no words to describe how poorly I felt waking up the next morning, it took all my strength just to get out of bed. Along with the emotional gauntlet I had gone through I had not gotten a good night sleep since coming to Forks. It felt like someone had died, and in a way that was true. I had not realized how much I had become drawn into the allure of being loved, I wanted the life of Bella in the book - well up until the point where Edward came to his senses and realized he did not want to be anywhere near me.

The rain was making a steady sound against the roof, it was starting to get to me. The clouds in the sky seemed even more oppressive as they reflected my depressed mood back at me. In the days of Shakespeare people thought that nature would reflect what was going on in the human world - right before Julius Caesar was assassinated there were several bad omens in the natural world. Maybe the weather outside reflected the dark and bleak times that were about to come.

I reached under my bed, tempted to pull out one of the books, I had a few extra minutes - maybe I could read just a little portion, to see how book-Bella dealt with the fact that Edward left her. No I could not allow myself to get swallowed up in a work of fiction. Look at all the crazy things I had done because of it - including sneaking into some doctor's office, only sheer luck had prevented me from being caught. I had to find a way to survive through the next sixteen months and after that I could get the heck out of this place. I could get away from everything, including Edward Cullen. I ignored the little voice that whispered that it might be too late - I was known for my stubbornness, I would convince myself to forget about my hopeless dream, though maybe I would meet a guy that was into extremely shy, awkward girls.

Pouring some cereal into a bowl, I had to remind myself yet again that there were no such things as vampires. This was all a figment of my imagination or to be more accurate this was all from some else's imagination, there was no such thing as Bella and Edward together. It was extremely conceited of me to think that a boy who looks like that would have anything to do with me, even book-Bella had not managed to keep his interest for very long.

This time when I told myself there was no such thing as vampires I would stick to that reality. What could I do about it even if the story was true? It is not like I could tell anyone, I would be deemed delusional and put in an institution - my mother's theory that this cloudy place could make a person go crazy would be proven.

It was Wednesday morning, my third day at school. The stares had actually diminished to an almost tolerable level, I guess the new girl was not as interesting as they had hoped. That was perfectly fine with me, being in the middle of the spotlight was my least favorite place to be.

I arrived a little early for my first class so I pulled out my Trig homework, trying to double checking my answers - I managed to get a completely different solution when I re-solved the first problem. Should I go with my answer form last night or the one this morning? Frustrated I closed my notebook and put it away. I grabbed the copy of Wuthering Heights, I wanted to reread some of the sections just to refresh my memory. There was something beautiful about the love story of Heathcliff and Catherine, I knew some critics that absolutely hated both characters and thought them weak and evil. In my opinion they were not evil, how could anyone that loved with all consuming passion be bad? Love was about giving everything, and someone who was truly evil could not be selfless enough to give their heart to another person.

"Are you enjoying the rain?" Eric asked as he sat down next to me. I did not appreciate the interruption, but it would have been rude to ignore him; especially since I could not use the excuse that I thought he was talking to someone else - we were the first two to arrive.

I put my book down with a deep sigh. "No I do not care for the rain that much, thank you for asking." It was always best to be polite, especially in a small town such as Forks.

"If you don't like the rain you really did come to the wrong place." He started laughing at his own joke. I tried my best to laugh along with him, despite the fact that I did not find him at all funny. Fortunately others started to arrive in the classroom, I greeted some as they settled into their chairs - it was a good enough excuse not to continue my conversation with Eric. I went back to my book, watching the interaction between Heathcliff and Catherine; I always wondered what would have happened if Catherine had actually told Heathcliff how she truly felt about him, how much she actually loved him. I truly believe things would have been completely different had they revealed the true depths of their devotion. I laughed a little at my suggestion to Catherine, I do not think I would have been brave enough to tell a man I loved him. It would have required a great deal of encouragement from him.

School was pretty much the same as yesterday except that I got a few less curious stares, this was perfectly fine with me - I enjoyed being invisible. Jessica continued to talk to me in our shared classes, our relationship was mutually beneficial; she got her audience while I got to blend into a group without having to interact with its members. The Cullens table was empty at lunch, I was determined not to let it bother me - this was easier said than done, I did not want to be the reason they were not attending school. I pushed that thought away, there was no way I the motivation behind their absence, there were a thousand more likely scenarios. They all got the stomach bug, the car would not start two days in a row and their mom would not give them a ride, they were visiting their great-aunt Gertrude whose pug just had a litter of puppies - all those were much more likely than that they were avoiding plan, boring Bella Swan.

Biology was kind of nice, I got to have my own private lab table, so I got to spread out as much as wished. I told myself it would kind of stink when Edward came back and I had to share the space with him. Though this might have been somewhat of a lie - I had sunk pretty low if I was attempting to lie to myself, but it had to be done for my sanity's sake. Gym was hell on Earth of course, but my teammates had finally learned it was to their advantage if I never touched the ball. The made sure that the only time I touched the ball was to serve, and they knew to protect themselves when I did that.

The rain was misting when I finally changed out of my gym clothes and headed outside. There was no need to make a covert trip to the hospital, or to go buy groceries so I headed straight home after school. I could hear the phone ringing as I tried to unlock the door, unfortunately when I finally grabbed the phone from the wall in the kitchen all I got was a dial tone. Whoever it was would call back if it was truly important.

We still had some leftover steak from the night before so I did not need to worry about making dinner tonight. I needed to do some laundry, desperately needing my jeans washed- since my winter wardrobe was not abundant I would need to do laundry more frequently than I had in Phoenix. I went upstairs to my room and picked up some of the dirty clothes that were thrown on the old rocking chair in the corner of my room. If I could find some of Charlie's dirty clothes I would have enough to do a full load. As I pushed jeans and T-shirts into the small washing machine I looked down at the small pile of clothes I had brought downstairs. I could have sworn I had thrown my favorite white sleeveless shirt onto the rocking chair, so why was it not with my other dirty clothes.

I went upstairs, and searched through my room. There was the possibility that I accidentally put it away when I had unpacked all my clothes on Sunday; but no that was not likely, I had been wearing it when put away my things. I decided to check anyway since there was no other place for it to be hiding, plus I did not want the dirty shirt to be mingling with my cleans ones. I pulled open the top drawer of wardrobe, picking up the folded T-shirts and trying to locate my white shirt. I could not find it anywhere.

I gave up for now, I needed to start a load now so that it would have enough time to dry. I had to remind myself that because of the higher humidity here things took a lot longer to dry than they had in Phoenix.

Charlie came home at his usual time. "Bella?" he asked by way of greeting.

"Who else would be here?" I mumbled under my breath. "Right here Ch..dad, I am just doing a load of laundry," I told him as I walked to the kitchen. That night at as we ate dinner together I pushed myself to talk, this time was probably going to be the only opportunity I would have to get to know my father. It would be best that I not squander it, hopefully in a year and a half I would heading off to college somewhere warm and dry. "So how was work dad?"

"It was fine, nothing much happens around here," he told me with a shrug. "How are you liking school? Are you making any new friends?"

I copied his shrug with one of my own. "School is fine. I am starting to learn the names of several people in my classes. I have a couple of classes with Jessica, she seems kind of nice. Though I guess everyone has been nice to me." The only problem is the potential vampire in our midst - _stop it Bella, you promised not to think like that anymore._

"This is a small town, there are few secrets and most people are nice." My father seemed to think it was a good thing that nothing happened around here.

I took a deep breath and decided to go for it. "Do you know the Cullen family?" my voice might have come out a little more quiet than usual. I hoped my father would not pick up on my keen interest in the topic.

"Dr. Cullen's family? Sure Dr. Cullen is a great man."

"How nice... his kids seem a little...standoffish." I was trying to find the right words to describe them without rousing my father's suspicions.

My father got a little angry looking, which was big deal for him - my father rarely gets angry, he is much too laid back for that. "People in this town don't know what is good for them. Dr. Cullen is a wonderful surgeon and he has chosen to share his talents with the people of Forks. As for his children, I admit I was worried about the fact he and his wife came with five teenagers but I have never had any trouble from them. Which is more than could be said for some of the residents who have been here for generations. They also know how a family is supposed to behave, constantly going off on family camping trips and outings."

Charlie's speech was somewhat surprising, he usually did not string this many words together all at the same time. People must really be saying some nasty things if my father is getting this angry about it.

"I was not saying they were bad, they just seem to stick together and not talk to anyone else. They are all very attractive." I tried to cajole my father back into his benign mood.

Charlie gave a little chuckle. "You should see the doctor, it is a good thing that he is already happily married or the nurses would be too busy trying to flirt with him to do their jobs."

I laughed along with him, secretly relieved that his mood had lifted. I did not bring up the subject of the Cullens again, instead I started concentrating harder on eating my dinner.

Trying to implement my plan of getting to know Charlie a little better I decided to join him in the living room after the dinner plates were cleaned and put away. Nothing had changed at all since the last time I had come here three years ago, except that there were two more school pictures of me on the crowded shelf. I cringed as I looked at all the pictures, my life laid out in school photographs - maybe I could convince my father to put those pictures away, at least until after I graduate. It was a sad observation that my father and mother's wedding picture was still present on the mantle. Since I could remember nothing had changed in this house, not the paint or the furniture - I was starting to have the uncomfortable suspicion that my father had not moved on, he still cared about my mother. That was one thing we had in common, we both tended to be very constant - some might call it stubborn. There was one thing good about the lack of change, it helped to counter balance the constant flux that was my mother. There was something comforting about the fact that I could count on this house not changing, the only thing that you could count on in my mother was that nothing would ever stay the same - it made for an interesting if not always a comfortable way of living.

I heard the beeping sound that indicated the washing machine was done and I quickly excused myself to go move my things into the dryer. My father had changed one thing in the small living room, he had added a large TV. I was not really interested in the sports games he watched and I did not want him feeling obligated to change the channel to something he though I would like to watch - retreat was my best option for now, maybe I could find another time to bond with my father.

Right before I was about to go upstairs I heard my father call my name. "Bella you might want to call your mother." I could hear the humor in his voice.

"What makes you say that?" I asked him slightly confused by his tone as I entered the living room.

"Have you checked the phone messages yet?" He did not wait for me to answer his question instead he pushed the play button on the answering machine. I heard my mother's very frantic voice wondering where I was and why I had not answered her emails.

"I will go write her." I told my father after the third distraught message. There were three more unheard messages on the machine but I was not going to listen to anymore - I understood what the issue was.

I went upstairs to check my emails, I had eight new ones all from my mother; all but two of them had been sent today.

_Everything is fine mom, I have been a little busy with school and trying to get used to my new routines._

_ Love, Bella_

I sent the email off quickly before she started calling the FBI or something, my mother was more than capable of doing that. I sat down to write her a more involved email.

_ Mom,_

_ I started school, everything is going fine, my classes are pretty easy. The people here are very nice, and I am even making a couple of friends. Charlie has been great, he even bought me a truck. You would really like it, it is nice and sturdy. Perfect for me. Mom you are going to have to calm down, you know how the dial-up works so I don't always have the time to fight the pop ups so that I can check my email._

_ Love you,_

_ Bella_

That should satisfy her for a little bit. I would have to remind myself to check my email at least every couple of days, just to make sure she did not panic. I began to wonder where Phil was, I had left him to take care of her, why was he not calming her down?

I sighed as I sent off the second email to my mother. I fished out my Trig homework, maybe I should see if one of the girls - well I would probably prefer Angela - wants to get together and study math. I glanced over at the the rocking chair in the corner, Edward was good at math, in fact he was good at all things. I laughed at myself, only in the book of fantasy was there a chance that Edward would actually sit in my rocking chair. The only thing that would occupy that old chair would be my laundry. A wave of depression hit me as I missed the future that I would never have. I was actually not completely shallow and vain, I did not want a boyfriend that was as good looking as Edward. What I really wanted was the man inside the pretty body, the vampire that fought with every fiber of his being to overcome the cards he had been dealt. A man who could look inside of me and see someone worthy of love - that is what I wanted, the outer shell of the body was very nice but it was nothing compared to the man inside.

A small laugh burst out, it was no a very happy sound; how was I to know that the Edward from the book and the one I had seen across the room in the cafeteria were one and the same? For all I knew this Edward was completely shallow and self-centered; the reason his family did not interact with any other students could have been due to the fact that they thought us beneath them. Though that was not fair, the Cullen family had done nothing to warrant such a low opinion of them; for all I knew they were sweet and caring individuals that for some strange reason kept to themselves.

I went to sleep much easier that night, it could have been due to the fact that the rain had finally stopped falling or it could have been because I had not gotten a good night sleep since coming to Forks. Whatever the reason, I had a restful dreamless night.

The Cullen family did not show up for the rest of the week. I would eat lunch with Jessica, Angela, and some of the others while I watched to see if anyone was sitting at the Cullen's table. I finally figured out the Trig homework but our teacher was not giving us a break, he had moved onto another even more confusing topic - seriously there was no way I would ever understand this natural log stuff. I finally located my sleeveless white shirt, somehow it had fallen behind the wardrobe. When I picked it up it had a strange smell associated with it, I could not seem to identify it. It was not an unpleasant smell, in fact it smelled so nice that I was somewhat reluctant to wash it.

The weekend came faster than I would have thought, I had the house pretty much to myself since Charlie was not used to having someone else living with him so he was scheduled to work most of the weekend.

I spent my time cleaning the house, doing some extra homework so that I would not have to do it next week, and I spent an inordinate amount of time composing an email to my mother. It was very hard to achieve the right balance between I miss you but I am happy to be here; most of my words were lies of course. I managed to misplace another shirt, if I was still living with my mother I would have accused her of taking it - but I somehow doubted that Charlie would have any use for a small blue and grey stripped long sleeved t-shirt. I searched high and low as I continued to clean the house, there were not that many place where I could have put it especially in a house this small.

I baked cookies on Saturday, for a good fifteen minutes I was totally freaking out - who the heck did not have flour in their house? I finally located some in the back of the pantry, hiding behind the stack of canned beans. Based on the number of canned beans he kept in the pantry it was safe to assume Charlie was fond of baked beans. I had bought some peanut butter for sandwiches so I made peanut butter cookies, I did not even bother trying to locate any chocolate chips. Charlie looked very surprised when he came home to freshly baked cookies, he did not say much by way of thanks but he did manage to eat three cookies even before sitting down to eat the spaghetti I had made for dinner.

The books under my bed remained untouched, I refused to be sucked into that dream world yet again. I needed to focus on this reality, I had already done several uncharacteristic things due to that book - I would not let it guide my life.

Monday was the coldest it had been since I got to Forks but at least it was not raining. Several people greeted me as I headed towards the English building, I smiled and said hi back. I did not know their names but I was starting to recognize their faces.

We had a pop quiz in English, it was ridiculously simple - I was guaranteed an A. In the past week I had gotten comfortable with the layout of the school and the simple routine of the day; I no longer needed an escort to get to my next class. It was when we stepped out of the English building that I first noticed that something was wrong. These big wads of white fluff were swirling all around us.

"Oh wow, it is snowing," Mike's voice was almost reverent.

"Ugh is that what this stuff is?" I tried to brush off the bits of cotton that had started to settle on my sleeves.

"Don't you like snow?" Mike seemed somewhat shocked.

"No snow means it is colder," and cold was a bad thing in my book. "Is snow supposed to look like this? Where are the beautiful little flakes?"

"Have you never seen snow?" he asked me.

"Sure I have," in movies, it did not snow much in Phoenix.

All of a sudden something flew out of the air and hit Mike on the ear. I was going with the assumption that was supposed to be a snowball. Mike seemed to be a favorite target of the snowballs that were flying around, I decided it would be best not to stand too close to him. I started to speed up and move faster towards my next class, I did not want to be hit with one of those things.

The walk between classes became a little more dangerous, it seemed everyone else was throwing the snow around. There were a lot of squeals and laughs as the snowballs hit and missed their targets. I kept a binder in front of my face like a shield, hoping not to be hit.

Jessica was making fun of my fear of snow when we stepped into the cafeteria to eat lunch. That was when I notice an anomaly in my normal routine, the quick sweep I had made of the cafeteria revealed that something was different today. The Cullens were sitting at their table again - my face flooded with heat as all my suspicions rose to the forefront. _No, no Bella you will not think like that, you promised yourself you would not consider the possibility that they were vampires._ I moved my eyes away from them and concentrated on getting something to eat. My appetite was completely gone so I made due with some fruit and a drink.

"Are you ok?" Mike asked me as he joined us in line. I shuddered when I saw that he still had bits of snow stuck in his hair. I could only begin to imagine how cold that was. Some of the snow was starting to melt, I could see a chunk of half melted snow starting to slide down his neck. I shuddered once again, the thought of something that cold against my neck was revolting.

"Yeah, I am just not very hungry right now." I mumbled as I grabbed my things to walk to our usual table. I tried my best not to look over at the table across the cafeteria, my sanity depended on it. I resisted for almost the entire lunch period, only once did my resolve fail. They were sitting around the table laughing, the perfect picture - it could have been a scene from a movie it looked so beautiful and perfect. Since I had broken my promise to myself I might as well continue to look. I could only see Alice, Rosalie and Emmett's faces, the other two were facing away from me. They were all perfectly dressed in varied shades of white and cream; the color complimented their pale skin. I was not an expert on fashion by any means but even I could tell the difference between the quality of clothes they wore and what the rest of the student body had on. I watched as Alice said something and Emmett burst out laughing, Rosalie just seemed to toss her hair in annoyance. I wondered if she practiced throwing her hair over her shoulder that perfectly or it if was something that came naturally to her. It was interesting to note that they did not seem to be eating again, you would think that someone as big as Emmett would be constantly eating but the food in front of him was untouched. I felt myself getting suspicious, maybe I had...but no I would not think like that.

I quickly looked back at my apple, I concentrated on taking a bite and chewing it. It was pretty good, but I guess we were in Washington the apples should be really good here. Except it was no longer apple season, so they must be importing this from somewhere else.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica whispered in my ear with a giggle. I followed her gaze to the Cullen table to realize she was right. He was looking in our direction, but I could not say with any certainty that he was looking at me specifically. I was too far away to be sure, but there seemed to be a frustrated look on his face. I smiled for a moment, maybe he was failing in his attempts to read my mind.

"What is so funny Bella?" Jessica's question came out like an accusation. A blush flooded my face as I realized I had not stopped staring at Edward Cullen, I ducked behind my hair as quickly as possible.

"What?" I had not been paying attention to her. "No nothing is funny, don't worry about it," I blushed even more red of course, I really hated the fact that my face gave everything away.

I could see that she did not believe me but much to my relief she dropped the subject. It helped that she was distracted by Mike who was planning an extravagant snowball fight after school ended. It looked like I would not be going anywhere today - I wondered if Coach Clapp would allow me to hide in the gym for a few minutes in order to avoid World War III.

There was one important detail I was trying to avoid, but the decision would have to be made sooner than later. Should I go to biology class? Would I be endangering everyone around me? But I had promised myself I would forget all about the vampire business. So I guess that decided it for me, I would go to class and sit next to the most beautiful boy I had ever seen.

As we stepped outside the cafeteria there was a collective groan from the group around me. I let out a quiet sigh of relief, the snow had turned into rain - there would be no snowball fight after school, it would be safe for me to leave right after gym. My worries over what would happen during my next class evaporated for a moment as I noticed the snow was slowly disappearing because of the rain.

My lab table was still empty when I got to Biology class, I sat down in my usual seat and pulled out my things. The fears had returned, no matter how many times I told myself there was no way the book could be correct my heart was till beating at a furious pace. I was doodling on the corner of my notebook when someone approached my table, concentrating even more furiously on the loops I drew another swirl but in my determination to ignore the person sitting next to me the drawing became unbalanced. The loud scraping of the chair startled me, it was such a contrast to the quiet footsteps, almost like he deliberately wanted to announce his presence.

"Hello." I heard a beautiful voice next to me. The sound of his voice was so astonishingly beautiful I had no choice but to look up at the source. Instantly I was mesmerized, there was nothing that could have prepared me for looking into the face of Edward Cullen. My eyes were captured by the most amazingly colored golden eyes I had ever seen. The large jewel-like eyes were highlighted by the long eyelashes, women spent millions of dollars every year trying to get the mascara and the eye lash curlers to achieve this look - I was willing to bet few women ever go to this level of perfection. The high cheekbones and strong square jaw made me want to run my hands along the planes of his face. Though if I had my choice it would have been his hair that I touched first, the dark locks of red were interspersed with chunks of gold and blonde. It looked like he had been enjoying the outdoors like the rest of the school, there were chunks that appeared a little wet - not that it made his look any less perfect, in fact it seemed to add to his appeal.

"I missed you in class last week therefore I never got to formally introduce myself, I am Edward Cullen." He was not talking, instead his voice was melodic enough that I could have sworn he was singing.

_Of course you are_, I thought. But I was still too stunned to say anything else, I felt my heart start to speed up even more.

"You must be Bella Swan." He told me with a small smile. My name on his lips was enough to make me start feeling dizzy, though that might have been because I had forgotten to breathe. I took a long and steady deep breath trying to calm my swiftly beating heart. It took me a moment to realize that he had called me Bella, and another few seconds for my suspicions to rise. He had been gone all week yet he knew to call me Bella? It had taken me till Thursday to finally break everyone around me from the habit of calling me Isabella, some people still made the mistake of calling me by my full name.

We were interrupted by Mr. Banner giving us instructions, I was only half paying attention to what he was saying. Something about figuring out the order of our slides without our textbooks or notes to help us.

"H-how do you now my name?" I asked Edward in a small voice, all the fears I had been able to somewhat push down resurfaced with a vengeance.

He gave a small laugh, it was not surprise that this too came out sounding perfect - there was no way he was going to be one of those people who snorted while they laughed. "I think everyone knows your name, it is not everyday that we have an addition to the student body."

I had known all along that I would be a subject of a great deal of gossip when I came to live with my father but it was a little different when someone stated it so bluntly. Embarrassment flooded my face, I could feel my blush all the way to my ears which were very likely a beet red color. For some reason l could not figure out I continued with my question. "That is not what I meant. Why did you call me Bella?"

"Do you prefer Isabella?" His forehead scrunched together in confusion, I regretted asking my stupid question but still forged ahead.

"No, not at all. I like Bella" I tried to explain without bringing up my paranoia regarding his family. "It is just that everyone here has called me Isabella when first meeting me." My expression must have been off, he was looking at me like he could not figure out what I was. "I swear my dad must call me Isabella behind my back, because everyone starts out calling me Isabella." I could hear myself rambling and decided it would be best just to shut up.

I got lucky and Mr. Banner finished with his instructions, I reluctantly tore my eyes away from the most beautiful creature I had ever seen in my entire life as Mr. Banner commanded us to begin.

"Ladies first, partner?" I heard him speak with that stunning voice.

I looked back into the gold eyes and became instantly mesmerized again. There was a crooked smile on his face, the right side of his mouth was a little higher than the left. I stopped breathing again.

"Or I could start if you wish." He continued as I stared like an infatuated imbecile. To my dismay the smile faded from his face; I needed that smile back almost as much as I needed to start breathing again.

"No... no I can go first." I told him grabbing the microscope and pulling it towards me. I hurriedly put in the first slide, focused on the low magnification before switching to a higher magnification to see the cells. It only took me a moment to identify the slide, the DNA in the nucleus was packed into chromosomes but they were not neatly lined up yet. "Prophase." I announced with absolute certainty - I had done this lab before in Phoenix. As soon as I made my pronouncement I started to remove the slide, ready to go onto the next one. Two cool fingers were placed on my wrist, it was a simple touch - they did did not exert any force at all. The first thing I noticed was the temperature of his fingers, he must have been enjoying the snow with the rest of the student population; but surely his hands would have warmed up by now. It was not the frigid temperature of his fingers that caused me to gasp and pull my hand away from him - my skin reacted to his touch in a strange way, a thousand little tingles began at my wrist and travelled all the way up my arm.

"Do you mind if I look?" I notice he had pulled his hand away from me almost instantly. I made a fist with my hand, forcing myself not to give into the temptation of touching him again - I wanted to know if the tingling feeling was just an anomaly or if it would happen again.

I gave a small smirk as I finally understood what he was asking, did he think I was wrong? He would soon find out that when it came to Biology I knew my stuff.

"Prophase." He confirmed my earlier finding. He was looking at the microscope so he did not notice me rolling my eyes at him. He wrote down the answer quickly, his penmanship was unbelievably beautiful - I had not seen someone write in that style of cursive in a long time. It reminded me of the old letters from my grandmother that I had found in a box; each letter was precise and perfectly formed, as if he had spent hours practicing.

While I was examining his writing he was swift to remove the first slide and replace it with the second. "Anaphase," he muttered, and turned quickly to write down the answer.

"Can I look?" I was still a little upset over the fact that he seemed to think so little of my intelligence. He looked up at me like I had grown a second head, it seemed I was not the only one who did not like their answers questioned. After a moment the surprise on his face was replaced by a smug look, he pushed the microscope in my direction.

I looked swiftly down the eyepiece trying to take less time examining the slide than he had. He was unfortunately right, "anaphase," I begrudgingly agreed with him as I switched out the slide for the next one. This is how we continued through the entire exercise, we only spoke the bare minimum words to each other. After the fifth slide I realized that we were the only ones even close to being done, the competition had caused me to completely forget that there were others around us. It was not that hard to do this, I was totally aware of every breath and movement that Edward made. I noticed a strange dichotomy in the was he was sitting next to me. His face might have been angled towards mine but his body was as far away from me as the table would allow without obstructing the aisle. Out of the corned of my eye I saw him take a shallow breath and his hands tightened into fists, I could see then tendons stretching over his knuckles.

I could not resist looking up at him, he was just too beautiful to be real. Would it be too obvious if I pinched myself to make sure this was not a dream? He seemed to be studying me with a the same level of intensity - the frustrated look was back on his face. _It must really suck not being able to read my mind. _I bit my lip to prevent the smile from appearing on my face, it would be in my best interest not to blur the line between reality and fantasy.

I looked into his golden eyes and instantly lost my train of thought. That was strange, when I had seen Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper's eyes last week even across the cafeteria I could tell the color had been something dark. But I had not seen Edwards eyes, so how did I know this was not his normal color - he was adopted like the others so it would be normal for him to have eyes that differed in color form his siblings. Mr. Banner interrupted my thoughts when he came to check why we were not working.

He thought he was being subtle trying to look at our answer sheet over my shoulder, I moved a little to the side to allow him a better look. His face took on a sour look as he realized not only were we finished but our answers were right.

"So, Edward, didn't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" He asked my lab partner.

"Bella," Edward told our Biology teacher the name I preferred before he went on to explain that I had come up with three of the five answers. That was when Mr. Banner decided it might be a good thing to include me in the conversation.

He swung his gaze at me, "have you done this lab before?

I could not help the blush that covered my face. "Not with onion root," my tone sounded defensive even to me.

"Whitefish blastula?" He was not going to let me get away with my half answer.

"Yeah," my blush intensified.

"Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?" I really did not like this much attention, out of the corner of my eye I could see Edward focusing intensely on our words.

"Yes." My answer sounded like a question, but I was not sure how he wanted me to answer.

"Hmmm," he started to walk away to check on some of the other groups. "I guess it is a good thing you two are partners." He mumbled something else under his breath, but it was too quiet for me to understand.

I looked down at my hands, examining my nails.

"It is too bad about the snow isn't it?" Edward spoke again. I looked up at him in surprise wondering why he was bringing up the neutral topic of the weather.

The mesmerizing golden eyes made me forget the role I was playing. "Not really," I told him honestly.

"You don't like the cold." His words were a statement not a question.

I shrugged and told the truth yet again. "Or the wet." I really needed to look away from his eyes.

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live." It was like he was talking to himself. I did not bother confirming his statement, who would not find this place difficult to tolerate? I looked away from his distracting face, trying to gather up my scattered thoughts.

"Why did you come here?" His question was blunt to the point of being borderline rude.

"It is complicated." I looked back down at my notebook, picking up a pen to continue with my drawing. I did not want to think about my reasons for being here.

"I think I can keep up." He told me, there was something in his voice that seemed to indicate this was more than just a stranger trying to make small talk. Why would he care about my pathetic life?

I looked up into his face to try to confirm my suspicion that he really wanted to know the real me but instead I got lost in the golden eyes. "My mother got remarried."

"That does not sound complicated." His tone had become soothing and sympathetic. "When did this happen?"

I barely suppressed the sigh that tried to surface. "Last September."

"And you don't like him." Edward continued, putting words in my mouth.

I was quick to correct him, "no Phil is great."

The confused look was back on his face. For some strange reason I felt compelled to keep talking, "Probably a little too young, but nice enough."

"Why didn't you stay with them?" He asked me, a crease had popped up in the middle of his forehead as he frowned at me.

"Phil plays ball for a living, so he travels a lot." A small smile appeared on my face, it might have been why my mother got along so well with him - in some ways Phil was till a kid at heart. They were probably the same level of maturity, neither one of them really wanting to grow up.

Edward wanted to know if Phil was anyone famous, I quickly clarified Phil's ability and place in the world of baseball. Phil was an amateur - he would never leave the minor leagues, I was not being mean just honest.

"My mother stayed home with me as he travelled around to the various games." I continued with my explanation. "I could tell that she missed him."

Edward jumped to the wrong conclusion yet again, predicting that I had been banished to Forks by my mother so she could follow Phil around.

"No she did not send me here, I sent myself." I could hear the sadness in my voice.

My explanation did not seem to have made any difference, quite the opposite, he now seemed even more bewildered. "But you are unhappy."

"So?" I asked him belligerently, why could he not mind his own business? And more importantly why did I see the need to try to make him understand?

The mystified expression cleared from his eyes, instead his face reflected understanding and sympathy. I did not want to see the pity in his eyes so I turned away from him.

"That hardly seems fair." His voice had gentled almost like he wanted to make me feel better.

"Have you not heard? Life is not always fair."

His laugh sounded hollow, "yes I heard that somewhere before."

I turned back to my doodles, trying my best to ignore him before I did something crazy like throw myself in his arms and explain the full extent of my loneliness. That was the biggest issue I had with coming to Forks, my mother was the person who knew me the best. Though not even my mother truly understood me, it was like my brain did not function the same way as everyone else's around me.

Luckily for me Mr. Banner asked everyone to stop working as he started to explain what we were supposed to have seen in our microscopes.

For the first time in a week I focused all my concentration on what the teacher was saying, taking meticulous notes over a subject that I already knew. My mind kept wandering down dangerous paths, little voices pointing out different observations that would be completely irrelevant had I not read that book about vampires. I managed to keep the small voice at bay until I got home, that was when I let my mind go where it wanted. There was nothing that could prove my suspicions, at least not one thing that stood out; but a lot of little things were starting to pop up and when taken together they made me somewhat uncomfortable. First there was his eyes, humans did not really have eyes that color. Then there was the fact that he knew to call me Bella without me having to correct him, or even the fact that he had spoken to me at all. I had not thought it an unusual occurrence until Mike brought it up in gym, stating that Edward did not normally talk to people.

These observations kept floating around in my head, but I could not decide one way or another. I needed some concrete evidence - maybe I would try to see if their eyes would get darker as time went on. There was still nothing I could do about it, decisions made I gathered up the ingredients to make something for dinner. Reaching up on a high shelf to get the paper towels I noticed something behind the washing machine. Using the broom I scooped out my missing shirt, I shook the fluff off a little bit and almost immediately noticed the smell - it was the same pleasant scent as had been on my white shirt, the other article of clothing that had gone missing. Unable to figure out what was going on with my disappearing clothes I headed upstairs to finish some math homework before my father came home.

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A/N: I know it pretty much is repeat of most things in the book. Anyway thanks for the encouragement to continue writing this story, it might take me a while but I will continue; unless you guys tell me I am wasting my time. So please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, blah blah.

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Chapter 3 - Strange Things

My alarm clock was not the one to wake me up on my second Tuesday in Forks, instead it was the bright light behind my eyelids. For a few seconds my heart started pounding with the fear that I had overslept and would now be late for school - the light seemed far brighter than it had been the past week. My eyelids flew wide open and I rolled over trying to focus on my alarm clock. I still had fifteen more minutes before my alarm went off; heading over to the window with much confusion I looked outside to see why there was so much light. The ever-present cloud cover was floating above me, but that depressing sight was not what drew my attention. I had never seen a sight this amazing before, the snow from yesterday had melted only to be frozen again during the night. Two conflicting thoughts floated through my head, the first one was regret over the fact that I was not an artist and could not capture the picture of the tree outside of my window; each and every branch was coated in what looked to be crystal, even some of the leaves were coated in the ice, almost like they would be preserved in that state for eternity. For the first time I was glad that I had come here from Phoenix, there was nothing in the dessert that could compare to this sight. It was amazing how much difference some frozen water could alter the landscape. The opposing thought was the fear of having to navigate through this weather, how in the world would Bella Swan, the ultimate klutz, find her way through this place? The hope that this would all melt was fleeting, when I came back from finishing up in the bathroom the ice outside my window looked just as thick and cold. I dressed extra warm for the day, adding a sweater on top of my long sleeve shirt before heading down for breakfast. Charlie was already gone, but there was a scent of eggs and bacon permeating the small kitchen; the greasy smell made me a little queasy as I fixed my breakfast of milk and cereal. Putting on my jacket, I opened the front door and groaned at the sight before me.

The walk down the driveway to my truck was as treacherous as expected, despite the fact that someone had thrown salt on it. I used the handrail on the porch to navigate down the stairs and then slid and skidded my way down the steep driveway until I reached my truck. Hopefully there was no one around to watch me practically crawl on my truck to try to get to the door, it was a good thing the side mirror was held on with several large bolts or I would have removed it when I grabbed it to steady myself as I slid once again.

I drove even more slowly than usual to school, but I made it on time because I had woken up before the alarm. The little traffic that existed in Forks was moving a little more slowly today, not that anyone was moving at a crawl like I was. I let out a sigh of relief as I parked my truck in a free spot in the school parking lot. Maybe the ice would melt by the end of the day, and I would not have to drive in the ice yet again - though surprisingly I had not skidded once, maybe I was a natural at driving in winter weather.

My slow progress to school had allowed the cab of my truck to heat up to almost an uncomfortable temperature, I even unzipped my jacket a little bit as I grabbed my backpack. There was ice underneath my feet as I stepped out of the truck, of course I slipped and nearly fell. A blush flooded my face at the thought of falling on my rear in the middle of the school parking lot, it was such a Bella thing to do.

Looking around to see if anyone had noticed my graceful exit from the truck I saw a gleam out of the corner of my eye. There was something on twinkling the back tire of my truck, I moved very slowly along the slippery ground in order to examine it more closely. If it was a nail I would have to find a place to get the tire fixed right away; the thought of having to get a ride from Charlie was making me shudder with fear. It took me a moment to realize what was on my back tires, snow chains. Someone had spent an inordinate amount of time to put them on my truck; I was going with the assumption it was Charlie. The difference between my parents was staggering, as much as I loved my mother it was a given that she would never have done something this practical. Standing there staring at the snow chains I was getting a little teary eyed - with my mother I was the one who had to be the responsible adult but I had been here barely a week and Charlie was looking out for me.

My brain was trying to remind me of something, there was a sudden sense of deja vu: icy roads, snow chains... I concentrated, trying to figure out why this combination sounded familiar to me. I looked up across the parking lot to see Edward looking straight at me with a curious look in his eyes. Edward...book... a van that was going to smash into me. For the first time I did not have to force myself to look away from his mesmerizing face, instead I surveyed the parking lot quickly and found the blue van turning at full speed into the parking lot - it might already be too late, I might have wasted too much time trying to remember. With a desperate cry I dove towards the sidewalk, landing on my hands in an awkward angle as I tried to escape death. I heard screeching tires behind me, there was a crunch as something slammed into my truck - I could see my truck shuddering at the impact but I tried not to pay too much attention to that as I tried to get to my feet on the slick ground. The sidewalk that was my current destination, I was prepared to crawl there at this point if necessary, but there was nowhere to go. In fact I was in danger again, the front of my truck was being pushed towards and the front tires were swiftly moving towards where I was lying on the ground. All these observations took only a couple of seconds, the adrenaline was making my brain work at lightning speed. I closed my eyes, there was nothing else I could do but accept my fate.

I felt myself flying through the air, and slamming into a hard wall of some sort. I opened my eyes with a feeling of confusion and joy - I was not dead, which was a good thing, but at the same time how had I moved away from my position on the ground? I started to fall forward when I felt two hands place themselves on my shoulder. I was afraid to look at who had helped me get to safety, I had my suspicions.

"Bella are you all right?" The musical voice was not unexpected but it still managed to stop all thought in my head. I don't know how long we stood there, it seemed my brain had decided to compensate for its previous quick work by shutting down all thoughts. I concentrated on one thing at a time, my right hand hurt a great deal and when I examined it my wrist was at the wrong angle. I heaved a sigh, and deliberately moved it inside my jacked, trying to hide the problem - there was not need to worry everyone around me.

"Bella?" the voice spoke again, this time it sounded even more desperate. I felt the hands on my shoulders slowly turn me around. It took me a while to move my eyes all the way to his face, when we were both sitting at the lab table in Biology he had not seemed this tall to me. The golden eyes were more exquisite than I remember, I stopped breathing as I looked up into his divine face - the pain in my right hand forgotten for the moment.

The most gorgeous face looked down at me, dread and fear clearly written on it - all of a sudden my slow brain decided to start moving again, I had an epiphany. Some people claim that in certain moments in their lives time seems to slow down but that was not the case for me - it was more along the lines that my brain sped up. Memories began to come out of the depths of my brain and burst into focus on the surface. My heart started beating at double speed.

In the book it had been Tyler that had nearly killed me; my mind was starting up again screaming ideas and observations almost at a speed to quick for me to process. There were certain things that the book could be right about, my moving to Forks was not exactly a state secret or anything - in fact I was pretty sure Charlie had told anyone willing to listen. With a little research someone could have elucidated my relationship with each of my parents, as well as my reasons for moving here - but there was nothing to explain how it could possible that someone would have known about the accident. There was no way that the writer could have known, unless they had some sort of magical power and were able to read the future.

The near death experience had reminded me of some of the more significant scenes in the book. Like nearly getting squashed by a Tyler's van, then there was the men in port angeles, followed lastly by the sadistic vampire. _Holy cow, vampires!_ If the book was correct then right now I was being held by a vampire who desperately wanted to drink my blood. It was a miracle that the long sleeved of my jacket had protected the palms of my hand, I had not scraped the skin off of the palms of my hand so there was not blood - Edward did not have to suffer because of that.

All of a sudden I wished that I had payed more attention to the books, as soon as I got home today I would make sure to read them thoroughly starting from the beginning. I had no idea what was going on but there was something uncanny about the book's ability to predict the future - in fact the knowledge from that book possibly helped save my life today.

"How is Tyler?" I reluctantly looked away from the most stunning face I had ever seen to check on the driver of the van. I could see several small gashes on his forehead that were starting to bleed, immediately I looked away. Blood really was not my thing so unless I wanted to add fainting to the drama of the morning it would be best not to look at Tyler.

"Bella, Bella, are you all right?" this time Edward shook me a little trying to get me to answer his question. I looked back up into the golden eyes and moved my right wrist a little further into the unzipped jacket - there was no need for him to know that my wrist was probably broken, it would only cause him distress.

"I am...fine." I lied my heartbeat going faster than I wished, I could feel the blush on my cheeks that would betray me.

My right wrist had started throbbing in time with my heartbeat, trying to distract both myself and Edward I looked around us. The truck had been hit on its side and now we were stuck in a triangle between my truck, the van, and the beige car that had been parked next to me.

All of a sudden there were shouts of concern and desperate questions surrounding us. I could see the students that had witnessed the accident surround the three vehicles and try to peer over them to see the scene. Soon I could hear several voices that sounded a little too mature to be students enter the fray - the questions and orders from these voices rang with maturity. It seemed the faculty members of the school had just arrived. I tried to move back and away from Edward, I was not sure how much being this close to me hurt him. His hands slowly move away from my shoulders, I took a deep breath preparing to stand on my own volition. He took one step back and then another until he had moved away from me. There was not that much space to move around in the enclosure created by the three cars but Edward managed to move as far away from me as possible. If circumstances had not been so dire I might have laughed.

I did not spend too much time thinking about this, instead I was trying my best not to reveal how much my hand was starting to hurt, despite my best efforts I could feel the tears starting to pool. So I stood there shivering because of the pain and cold, trying not to make eye contact. I wished I could just lie down, but the ground was probably really cold and I was fairly certain that if I did sit down I would never have the strength to stand back up - my shaking legs were not going to be of much use to me, leaning against the hood of my truck was the only reason I was still standing.

"Are you sure you are all right?" Edward asked from the other side of the enclosed space.

"I am just cold." I could hear the whine in my voice. _Come on Bella don't be so pathetic._ I tried to give myself a little pep talk but it was not helping, in fact my shivers were starting to increase in intensity. Only a few minutes ago I had been too hot in the cab of my truck, I wanted that feeling back.

I watched several expressions flicker through Edwards face, most of them passed too quickly for me to identify them - was that regret and fear I saw. His expression finally settled into a determined look, I watched as he pulled off his jacket and moved over to where I was standing before he placed the cream colored leather jacket around my shoulders. I was about to open my mouth to thank him but I was distracted by the glorious sight of his chest. It was at eye level and I had never seen a more perfect sight in my entire life.

He was wearing a grey long sleeved T-shirt underneath his jacket, it was not overly tight on him but when he lifted his arms to place the jacket on my shoulders I was given the view the long lean muscles underneath the thin shirt. His muscles were not the size or definition of a body builder, instead of the tiger or lion this man was the cheetah of the cat family. I don't know why I kept thinking of him like a predator maybe it was the memories of the book or it might have been the lethal grace that he seemed to move with. I would have given a great deal to have even a tenth of the agility that this man seemed to possess. I inhaled sharply as he backed away from me once again. "Thanks," I mumbled quickly remembering my manners.

The muscles in his neck moved as he swallowed, his adams apple bobbed - and I wanted to trace it with my lips. I don't know where that strange thought came from, normally I did not want to kiss strange men I did not know.

A little voice in the back of my mind reminded me of the fact that Edward was not a stranger, he was the boy I loved. But I quickly tried to suppress that voice, since I had other things to deal with like his smell.

With my deep breath came a strange smell, as I had inhaled I recognized the scent on his jacket - I had been smelling it all weekend on the shirt that I had found hiding behind the washing machine. In my surprise I moved my right arm a little bit, jostling my hurt hand - my next sharp breath was not one of longing but due to pain.

Edward was almost instantly by my side, he was starting to behave like a yo-yo. He kept moving back and forth in the small space, a small giggle escaped my lips at the thought. He gave me a curious look but then he started patting my arms and my back, I don't know how he though to examine me through all those layers of clothes. For a moment I wondered what his reaction would be if I suggested he move his hands underneath my shirt instead. _Oh my god Bella, you need to stop thinking like that._

"Bella, what is wrong? Tell me now." He seemed almost frantic in his search for my ailment. My body decided to interpret his actions in a completely different manner, as his arms circled around my waist it felt like an embrace. I guess he missed the huge blush that covered my face all the way to the tips of my ears. I was starting to get dizzy when I finally reminded myself to breathe again - I enjoyed being in Edwards arms more than I would like to admit.

The sound of the approaching sirens brought me back to reality, Edward dropped his arms to his side but he was still hovering. Maybe he realized how precarious my standing position was.

I don't know how but someone managed to move the car next to us far enough for the EMT's to come in. Edward instantly put the spotlight on me, telling them I had fallen down. The feelings of fondness towards my savior suddenly evaporated - _the traitor_. My face blushed a deep red as not only did the EMT put on a brace around my neck but he made me lie down on the stretcher. I was surprised my entire face did not burst into flames as they loaded me into the back of the ambulance - the entire school was watching. Edward on the other hand got to ride in the front. There was no way that things could have possibly been worse, but then my father showed up frantically calling my name. "I am fine Charlie...dad."

There was something that I noticed that would have been a little strange but it fit with the insane idea that was floating around in my head - the other Cullens were standing around watching the mayhem, they did not look overly concerned regarding the safety of their brother. _That is because they know he could not be hurt by a van. _This little voice kept popping up with explanations that I was trying to ignore for now.

It was not until the doors were closed and we were already moving that I decided to bow to the inevitable. "I think my right wrist is broken." The EMT had been trying to unwrap me from my layers of jackets and had forced me to move my wrist a few times.

He gave me a questioning look but he was kind enough to switch to trying to unwrap my left arm. I was surprised to see Edward by my side as they unloaded me from the ambulance, his eyes were fixed on my right wrist. How had he known about that? I thought I had hid it pretty well..._oh yeah vampire hearing_. No, no I could not think about that right now.

He did not remain by my side for long, he went down a hall as they rolled me into the ER bay and moved me to one of the beds. When the EMTs turned their backs to go give their report to the nurse I decided that the neck brace was not necessary anymore so I pulled it off and threw it under the bed.

Now that Edward was not around to distract me I had no choice but to think about what I had learned today. I distinctly remember looking at Edward a few cars down from me, he had not been anywhere close to me. I would have to question him soon as to how he got to me so quickly - his presence and the memories of the book had been so distracting that I had not taken the opportunity to do so while we had been stuck together. Maybe it was for the better, I have not decided what to do with my knowledge yet; I might have to wait to confront him once I had finished all the books. I should reassure him first that I would do nothing to betray him or his family - now that I thought about it, I had spent a large portion of the book trying to protect their secrets.

The nurse interrupted my thoughts as she came to check my vitals, she helped me shed a few layers of clothing. It took a great deal for me not to grab Edwards jacket and wrap myself up in it again, I needed the smell to remind me that what I knew was real and not just a figment of my imagination helped along by that book. Taking off my sweater hurt a great deal but I had politely declined the nurse's offer to cut if off - I did not have enough warm clothes to make that sort of sacrifice.

Tyler was brought in while the nurse was helping me take off the the bulky sweater, his face was covered in oozing scratches - there were a lot more of them than I had seen through his broken windshield. I looked away as quickly as possible, already feeling a little faint.

As soon as Tyler noticed my presence he started apologizing for nearly killing me. I tried to ignore him as best I could, my nurse went over to examine him. My relief when the adults finally stopped hovering around us was short lived, Tyler began apologizing once again. There was an awkward moment when he questioned me, "hey how did you get out of the way so fast, I could have sworn I was going to hit you."

I was not going to mention the whole I knew you were coming at me and there was a handy vampire there to help me get away. I made eye contact with him for a moment, ignoring the blood on his face, "Ummm Edwards pulled me out of the way." At least this part was the truth.

"Who?" He seemed confused, of course he was since Edward had been nowhere near me at the time.

This was when I was going to have to lie, I did not look away from his eyes, knowing that would only enforce the glaring fact that I was lying. "Edward Cullen...he was standing right next to me."

I watched a confused expression remain on his face a few seconds longer before he accepted my lie - maybe I was not as bad as I thought. "Wow, I guess you were really lucky."

"Yeah, something like that." I mumbled under my breath. I turned away before he could question me any further. The nurse came back with someone else this time, I was getting kind of annoyed that no one deemed it appropriate to close the curtain between Tyler and I - there was a two-fold reason I wanted a little privacy from him. First of all I did not want to look at the blood on his face, the smell of it alone was starting to get to me. Second, I did not want him to question me further about why he had not seen Edward standing next to me. I had gotten away with one lie, and I did not want to push my luck.

The PA came to examine me and decided it would be best if I went for an X-ray of my wrist before the doctor saw me; Tyler's cuts were deemed superficial and I was given higher priority. It took about fifteen minutes for radiology to come get me, in the mean time I was treated to the constant reminder of how sorry Tyler was. I had attempted to tell him not to worry about it, but he did not listen to me. The x-ray was pretty routine, I had done this before on numerous occasions. My mother had at one point only half joked that I should start running the x-ray machine for them, since I had so much experience.

I was taken back to the ER and the boredom was starting to set in, I wished that I had brought a book with me or something. Speaking of books, I wonder what happened to my backpack, I really hope someone picked it up or all my books would be ruined from the rain. Plus my Trig homework was in there, I did not want to have to re-do that assignment.

I had finally decided that faking sleep would shut up Tyler, and so I lay facing away from him, staring at the nurses station - so much fun. It was lying there trying to count how many panels were missing from the ceiling that I saw him. The platinum blonde hair shone even under the fluorescent lights - it was when he turned to speak to the nurse that I finally saw his face, if only in profile. He looked too young to be the doctor his long white coat proclaimed him to be, as well as too pretty for that. He should have been gracing the big screen or the runway - in a moment of insight I realized who I was actually looking at. "Carlisle," I whispered too low for anyone else to hear. What I had not counted on was vampire hearing, suddenly he turned and looked me straight in the eye. His movement was too quick for me to close my eyes and pretend I was asleep; the suspicious look that he threw me quickly was replaced with a smile.

He signaled the nurse and they started to walk towards me. "Good morning Miss Swan, I am Dr. Cullen. How are feeling right now?" The nurse put the x-ray up on the wall next to me, turning on the light for Carlisle.

"Fine." Was my grumbling answer, his perfectly shaped eyebrows rose in surprise. If I had not been so reluctant to get this over with it might have been funny, I had managed to surprise a vampire twice today.

"Hmmmm, well from the looks of your x-ray you have a distal radius fracture that means..." I was not really listening to what he was saying, instead I was trying to compare the author's description to the actual man. Had you told me a month ago that vampires existed I would have faked a smile and backed away slowly, but now the evidence had piled up to the point where I could no longer ignore the facts. First there were the eyes, Carlisle had the same golden eyes as Edward - this was not a normal eye color for humans. There was their cold skin, when Edward had touched me yesterday in Biology class his fingers had been ice cold. Then there was the speed, I know Edward had been standing several cars away mere seconds before he pulled me out of harms way. Carlisle had been able to hear me call his name across the bay of the ER and come to think of it Edward must have heard me telling the EMT that my wrist was broken when he was sitting in the front of the ambulance. All of these observations were inconclusive alone but when you put them all together and added the book the puzzle was starting to become more clear - unfortunately for me the puzzle meant that the Cullens were vampires. This was not the best place to realize that some of the creatures you thought existed only in books were actually standing right next to you. All morning I had been jumping back and forth between the reality I had known to be true and the facts that were starting to pile up into the vampires are real category. My sharp intake of breath was noticed by Carlisle.

"Miss Swan? Are you all right?" He asked me, immediately at my side. Reminding me of his son, I heaved a sigh.

"Fine, let us just get this over with. Am I going to need a cast?"

It turned out that while my broken bone was not bad enough that I would require surgery to get it back into the right position I would still be required to wear a cast. First I would get a splint for a few days, until the swelling went down, and then I would get the cast. My father showed up in the middle of the explanation, he was looking seriously worried regardless of the fact that I reassured him several times that I was all right.

Carlisle was very quick about "reducing my fracture" it was almost over before he began. The splint did not take long either, and after giving me some medication for pain I was finally discharged from the hospital. As my father went off to take care of the rest of the paperwork I wandered the halls trying to locate one elusive vampire. "Come on Edward I know you are around here somewhere." I whispered as walked down the hall, maybe I could check Carlisle's office, that would be a good place for Edward to be hiding out.

I was absolutely terrified to speak to him, I was not normally this aggressive in my pursuit of boys. Oh heck, I never was this aggressive, there was only one reason I had for finding him, or so I told myself - I had to reassure him I would not say anything to anybody. Plus I wanted to hear his explanation, what lie would he tell me?

He was sitting in one of the two chairs that face Carlisle's desk, he did not turn around when I entered and closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath and prepared my questions, "How did you get to me so fast?" I did not bother with a greeting.

He turned around slowly a pleasant smile on his face, the slight tightening around his eyes belying his casual stance. "Oh hello Bella, what a surprise. What do you mean?"

Had I not been so certain of my case I would have backed down when faced with such an innocently confused look, but I knew better. Edward was perfect in all things, including at acting - he was playing stupid right now. I stayed by the door, not wanting to get too close to him or I might get lost in those golden eyes.

"Don't insult my intelligence. I saw you across the parking lot and a few seconds later you were pulling me out of the way." I was getting angry, I did not appreciate him lying to me and somehow I found the courage to tell him so.

"Bella I was standing right next to you." His smile slipped a little but he did not move those golden eyes away from me.

"Fine keep your secrets, it is not like I don't know about them anyway." My anger made me blurt out foolish things. I watched as shock and surprise wiped the smile off his beautiful face. "Don't worry I won't say anything to anyone. It is not like they would believe me even if I did." I needed to leave before I said something else that was stupid. I quickly stepped out of the office, leaving a still speechless Edward and headed to the front lobby. The sight that greeted me scared me more than a ravenous vampire - it looked like every student from the school had decided to skip, they were all converged in the small lobby. I watched in horror as Angela, Jessica and Mike detached themselves from one of the groups and headed my way.

I had never been so glad when my father came to interrupt our little "conversation" - though in Jessica's case it was more along the lines of an interrogation - the police cruiser had never looked so inviting before.

It was not until Charlie pulled up at the house that he gave me the good news - he had called my mother to tell her about the accident.

"Oh my god, I can't believe you did that?" I fumed at my father, my temper seemed to be getting the better of me this morning. "She is probably on her way here already."

"Sorry Bells," my dad mumbled as he helped me get up the stairs. I felt guilty for yelling at him, but really he was going to have to learn some rules if we were going to be able to live together. One of the main rules was not to tell my mother more than the bare minimum.

It took me nearly an hour to calm my mother down enough, she had been ready to get on the next available plane, I needed to pull out the big guns and remind her that Phil would be upset if she just up and left him.

My father puttered around me nearly till noon, trying his best to take care of me. I could tell his attempts at mothering were just as awkward for him as they were for me. I finally told him to go back to work, "I will just take some of the pain meds and then I will go try to sleep this off."

He did not leave until he had brought me a glass of water and the phone. "Call if you need anything, I can be home from work in less than ten minutes."

"I will be fine dad." I mumbled. I watched him leave through my window - finally, I was alone. I went to the bathroom and found some acetaminophen for my hurting hand, this weaker drug would have to cut it because the prescription pain medications tended to make me groggy. I would need my brain as much as possible at this point if I was going to figure out this vampire thing.

It was when I reached under my bed grab my book that I saw the cream colored jacket on my rocking chair. I guess when Charlie had gathered up all my things Edward's jacket must have been put into the pile. I would have to find a way to return it to him without Charlie realizing who it belonged to. I got back out of bed and picked it out of the pile, I could not help myself as I pulled it around myself. The sleeves were wide enough that I could get my splint through, it smelled like I was back in Edward's arms.

I read through the first book again before Charlie came home. I pulled out the second book but I did not start reading it. I may not know everything but there were three things I had to admit to myself.

First, I was in love with Edward Cullen. The combination of my few interactions with him in real life and the insights that I had gained from the book made it hard for me to deny this fact. The only question I had to answer was how I would deal with this knowledge.

Second, I knew that my smell was pure torture for Edward to be around. The thought that I was the reason he was hurting caused me physical pain. But how was I supposed to deal with that? The thought of never seeing him again also caused me pain.

Third, according to the second book he would leave me. Should I cut off all contact now? or would it be better to take what little time he would give me? But this went back to the second part, how could I be around him without causing him pain?

I started reading the second book but I was interrupted when Charlie came home, he brought pizza for dinner. "I thought you might not be up to cooking anything tonight," he told me as he brought me a slice along with some more water.

"Thanks dad, you are the best." He looked a little uncomfortable with the praise but I continued anyway. "Oh and thanks for putting the snow chains on my tires, it really helped with driving this morning."

"Not a problem, Bells," he mumbled as he slowly started backing out of the room. "I wish Tyler had thought about putting chains on his tires as well." A blush was on his face, I knew who to blame for my easy blushes.

After swiftly finishing my pizza I started on book two. I could not help myself, I cried desperately when Edward told me he no longer loved me - sometime this morning I had come to accept that book-Bella and I were the same person. So when Edward rejected Bella in the book, he was rejecting me. I needed to calm down for a bit, before Charlie came up to check on me and noticed the tears. I went to brush my teeth, and my face- it was extremely awkward to do all this one handed especially since I was not used to relying on my left hand.

After telling Charlie I was going to try to read some before going to sleep I went back to my room. I was so absorbed in my book that I did not hear when Charlie came up to bed, I did not even notice the time until I had finished the last page of book. I was so happy I was ready to dance through the house - Edward really loved me, he had just left to protect me. But I was brought back to reality as I thought of the Volturi, I would have to make sure that Edward and Alice went nowhere near them. It was nearly three in the morning when I finished, but I was too excited and nervous to sleep. I would have to try, there was no way I could start on the third book. I promised to do that tomorrow, so I turned out the lights and went to sleep. I pulled Edwards jacket in bed with me, hiding it under the covers, the amazing scent had started to fade but if I took a really deep breath I could still smell Edward. It might have been a little bit psycho but I needed it to remind myself that this was not all a fantasy.

Charlie checked in on me before heading to work, he wanted to know if I needed him to drop me off at school or if I wished to stay at home for the day.

"Dr. Cullen had suggested that you stay home at least today. Do you need me to stay with you?"

I was very groggy but I managed to clearly communicate that I would be fine alone. "I have had broken bones before dad, I know the drill." I went back to sleep after he left. The next time I woke it was past eleven in the morning, I rolled out of the bed before I could fall asleep again.

I put a bag over my splint and somehow managed to half wash my hair. I stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out. Since I was not going to school I just put on an old pair of sweats and a t-shirt; there was no way I could get my splint into a long sleeved shirt. I had a quick breakfast of cereal and milk, I noticed that my truck was parked outside next to the curb. Someone had brought my backpack inside, fortunately for me my Trig homework was not ruined. Those observations could not hold my attention as I hurried upstairs to start on the third book.

That night I went to bed late, the third book took me a while to get through - there were some points where I had to stop reading because the tears in my eyes made it impossible to continue reading. I could not believe I was capable of doing that to Edward and Jacob - I would have to make sure not to make the same mistakes with Jacob.

When Charlie woke me up on Thursday morning to see if I waned a ride to school I did something I had not done before - I exaggerated my pain so that I could skip school. I felt so guilty about it - it was a surprise that Charlie did not call me out on my lie. Instead he told me to feel better before heading off to work yet again. I did not try to see if I could do some extra homework, I did not try to catch up on the laundry or pick up the house a little bit... no I headed straight for book four. I only interrupted my reading to go grab something to eat. If reading had been a competitive sport I would have been able to set world records today - I was normally a quick reader but today I flew past the pages. There were some descriptions I chose to ignore promising myself that I would go back and re-read those portions later. The pregnancy thing was a shock, but Nessie, as Jake called her, sounded amazing - I suddenly missed the child I did not have. Nearly dying scared me but I had gotten used to near death experiences by now, however I was crushed at what Jake was going through. I vowed yet again not to let my relationship with Jake, if I managed to have one, head down that path. It would be interesting to see if Jake was actually a wolf or not.

The coming of the Volturi had my heart pounding for several chapters until the Cullens and wolves managed to successfully stand up to them.

With my super speed marathon reading I managed to get through the book before two. My stomach rumbled at me reminding me that it had not been fed well for the past couple of days. I headed downstairs to make myself a substantial meal before going to take a shower. I would have to learn to take care of myself with only one hand, especially since Carlisle had told me the cast would have to stay on for up to six weeks.

I tried my best to comb out my long hair, the tangles had really built up in the past couple of days since I had not taken the time to comb it out yesterday. It was while wrestling with my hair, trying to put it into a ponytail with one hand, that I heard a knock on the front door.

I looked down at myself, sweatpants with holes all in them ... check... old t-shirt that had belonged to Renee but I had rescued it when she had tried to throw it away ...check... hair half put up in ponytail...yeah I looked good. But at this point I did not care.

"Coming," I cried as I tried to go both safely and swiftly down the stairs. Since I did not want another visit to the ER today it took me a while to get downstairs. I hoped whoever it was at the door was the patient type.

I did look through the small window to check who was outside, I was in a hurry so I just threw the door open. I don't know who I had been expecting but this person was not it.

"Hello Bella. How are you feeling? I noticed you were not in school today so I gathered up all your homework from your teachers."

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A/N: All right gals and guys. Who do you think was at the door?

Do you think that Bella's reactions fit her character? or is she taking this far to well? By the way I apologize for any typos in advance, I did proof read it a couple of times but since I have no beta I have to do all the work and sometimes I miss things.

Thanks again for those of you who encouraged me to continue, I really like hearing form you. (All right I am done with the review begging bit :D).

I am not promising on a time frame for the next update, real life is about to start up again so I will not always have time to write.

Happy New Year, hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am just playing with SM's characters.

A/N: Sorry this update took so long, I finally finished my other fanfic so this story will get a little more attention from now on. Updates should be a little more frequent but I am not making any promises.

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Chapter 4: Friendships

I don't know who I had been expecting but this person was not it.

"Hello Bella. How are you feeling? I noticed you were not in school today so I gathered up all your homework from your teachers." Alice Cullen was standing right in front of me. She looked even more perfect up close, her hair might initially give the illusion of being in disarray but I was willing to bet that each and every strand of her short spiky hair was exactly where it should be. She was wearing a short black leather jacket paired with some jeans that even I could tell were designer, along with a cream colored shirt that while simply cut screamed style. Normally I was not the type of girl that would notice these sort of things but the understated elegance of her clothing would be impossible to miss.

I was surprised by the scream of agony that instantly left her mouth but what happened next was even more startling. In less than a blink of an eye Jasper was in front of Alice in a crouch, his lips pulled back from his teeth into a grimace that could never pass as a smile, his hands looked like long claws ready to rip out someone's throat. Unfortunately it looked like my throat was the one he was considering at the moment, my mind went blank for a minute wondering what the heck I had done to make him so angry with me.

I have never been so scared in my life, his eyes were obsidian with malice. Ferocity and danger was pouring out of him, and all of it was directed at me. My mind kept screaming at me to back away but my feet did not seem to understand the command, caught as they were in that inhuman glare - any doubt I may have had in my mind about the Cullen family being vampires was instantly banished. The force of that black look should have had me on the floor writhing in agony, I closed my eyes and waited for death to take me in the form of Jasper Cullen.

"Jasper would you please stop frightening her, everything is perfectly fine." Alice's voice came from behind the monster at my front door. I would have like to have seen her expression but as soon as I opened my eyes again they were captured by Jasper's dark glare.

He slowly stood up out of the crouch but I noticed his eyes did not leave me. "You screamed," his voice came out as a growl, having never heard his voice before I could not tell if this was normal for him.

"Of course I screamed, do you see what she is wearing?" Alice pointed an accusing finger in my direction.

Jasper looked me up and down with bewilderment in his eyes, the tension did not entirely dissipate from his wide shoulders, "I don't see anything wrong with her, she has clothes on?" It was nice to know that someone else was confused over why the heck Alice had screamed. It was even better to notice that Jasper had finally stopped giving me the I will kill you with a look glare, but my heart had still not settled down in my chest - it was still pounding away at an accelerated pace.

"Of course you see nothing wrong, you are a man. Though seriously this would be something even a man should be able to notice." Alice told him with an annoyed huff before she walked around him. Jasper finally gave a little laugh and seemed to fully relax, but for some reason I think that was an illusion. According to the book he had been a soldier in the civil war followed by being one in the vampire wars, I somehow doubt that if you lived through all that you could ever truly relax. My mother had dated a vet once, he was very good a faking being relaxed but if you looked carefully there were little clues that he was always on high alert.

For a moment I wondered if vampires could get PTSD, my mother had decided to become an "expert" on that topic. I have to admit she actually kept it up for over a month, too bad that lasted longer than her relationship with Connor the vet. There was one thing that my mother could not seem to comprehend, as much as she wanted to help Connor it would all be worthless until he chose to be helped. I actually missed him after he left, his fake persona was fun to be around and brought out the immature teenager in me - I usually did not get to play that role since Renee had taken over that position in our small family.

I was brought back to the present by some hissing sounds. How could I possibly have been daydreaming when two of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen discussed... what I was wearing? That had to be wrong, more than likely I was hearing things, not understanding them because of the speed with which they were speaking. I was a little bit surprised that they were showing me their true nature, but I guess Jasper appearing in front of me and giving me that inhuman glare kind of already gave them away.

Instead of trying to figure out what they were talking about I spent my time looking at them, really looking at them. I had been close to Edward and Doctor Cullen the other day but that had been during a crisis and it was kind of hard to stare at someone when they were staring right back at you - but Alice and Jasper were distracted by their discussion and I could look to my hearts content. Again I was mesmerized the by sheer perfection of the two standing in front of me, I was starting to get a little lightheaded and that is when I realized I was holding my breath.

_ Breathe, Bella, breathe._ My inner voice told me, I managed to push the air out of my currently tight lungs and refilled it with damp air. But rain was not the only thing I could smell in the air, mixed in with the scent of rotting leaves was this incredible perfume. I think the lack of oxygen from not breathing was getting to me because I actually had to think about what that wonderful aroma actually was - vampire. At least I was taking regular breaths now, as I tried to pull more of the scent into the air. A random thought popped into my had, it must be nice to be a vampire, you don't have to worry about remembering the deodorant. The books never mentioned it but I wonder if they actually took a shower; I don't know about everyone else in the world but I sure as heck would continue to take showers even if I did not need it - otherwise...well it was quite nasty to think of the alternative.

_Vampires. Bella, you need to concentrate there are vampires arguing on your front porch._ A shudder went through my body. Oh holy freaking god, Vampires! It was one thing to admit it in the privacy of my own room, but another to actually be looking at two of them standing in front of me.

_You stood in front of Edward and sort of admitted it to his face,_ the inner voice was starting to get really annoying. So I did not totally admit it to his face, I kind of hinted at it somewhat indirectly and my natural curiosity overcame any fear I might have had in his presence - all right that was a lie, my curiosity helped me not totally freak out when he was near. With these two in front of me, especially Jasper, I have gained a whole new level of respect for the strength and speed with which vampires move. Again I was surprised that they were actually letting their "true" nature out.

My guess was that Jasper had "jumped" at vampire speed in front of Alice earlier in order to protect her from me, the unknown entity. Had he been worried that I would somehow harm Alice? It would have been funny had I not been so afraid of him.

"Now Bella since, we are going to be friends you will to have to try a little harder when it comes to clothing. Grundge is only cute on some people." Alice shook her head at me, she pushed a still leery looking Jasper behind her. I did not blame him for that emotion since I was feeling it too. The books had not done a good enough description of Alice; she went from trying to calm down a very frightening Jasper to commenting on my attire in like two seconds flat. "And your hair! What have you done with it?"

"Alice?" Jasper asked in a calm tone, still not ready to leave her with the dangerous Bella Swan. I could not help it a little hysterical giggle left my lips - like I could ever do anything to harm her.

"Oh Jasper why don't you just go home, I will be fine right here." There was a crease on her forehead like she was concentrating on something. She must be trying to look into the future or something, almost immediately her face cleared of the slight frown. She turned back to me with a a brilliant white smile that seemed to sparkle, she really should consider a career in selling toothpaste.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jasper slowly and reluctantly walking away but not before sending me another frightening glare. Alice did not leave me much time to contemplate that dark look, instead she pushed me gently into the house.

"All right Bella show me your closet." Alice steered me towards the stairs, I took a deep breath and headed for my room wondering how big of a mess it actually was.

For a moment I considered asking her to tell me where my closet was, I was pretty sure one of her family members had been coming in here and stealing my shirts. It would have been easy for a vampire to come in and out of the house without detection, plus their amazing smell had been all over the shits when I 'found' them again. Being Bella the cowardly lion, I dismissed the plan before it even solidified in my mind, I would never win any awards for being brave. So instead I meekly walked up the stairs with Alice following closely behind me; to an outside observer it might have looked like I was the one doing the leading but we both knew it was Alice in charge.

My room was not as dirty as I feared, probably because I had done nothing more than read the books for the past few days. My heart started to pound for a moment, what would happen if I showed the family the books?

That was easy enough, Edward would laugh at my face, my audacity at thinking he could possibly love me would probably have him and the rest of his family rolling on the floor with amusement. After meeting several beautiful members of his family I came to realize how far out of my league that he really was.

Alice did not waste much time but quickly sidestepped a pair of my shoes as he she headed to the closet, she peeked inside and let out an agonized groan, "I was hoping that for the first time in my life I was mistaken." Her voice was so quiet that I would have missed it had I not been concentrating so hard.

"Ummm, sorry I had to leave most of my clothes in Phoenix. I did not have much in the way of warm clothes." For some reason I felt the need to apologize, my face flooded with heat probably turning it a bright red. I knew my clothing options were not up to Teen Vogue standards but at least they were warm. The other problem was that I had done the shopping in Phoenix and it was not like there was much selection in terms of warm clothes there even in the dead of "winter".

"Looks like we will have to do a little shopping," Alice was murmuring to herself, it was like I was not even in the room. All of a sudden she turned away from my closet and looked at me with a gleam in her eye. I promptly wished she would go back to ignoring my presence, she was eyeing my sweats with a great deal of distaste.

"Look Alice, as much as I would like to go shopping I don't really have all that much money." I had some meager savings from my summer job last year but I was kind of hoping to spend that on some new books. I could live without decent clothes but there was no way to survive the next year and a half in Forks with my sanity in tact without decent reading material. When it came to choosing between books and clothes I would always pick books - I know I was supposed to be a teenage girl but I would far prefer to lose myself in a good story rather than get dressed up and be noticed. Attention was not something I wanted a great deal of, in fact the less of it I got the happier I would be.

"Don't worry it will be my treat," Alice rolled her eyes like it was obvious that she would be spending her money me.

I looked down trying to find a way to politely refuse this gift, it was far too generous for someone who had just met me - even if she was a psychic who could see me being her friend in the future. I smiled all of a sudden as an idea hit me, for the first time I was happy to be so poor at math. "As much as I would like to take your kind offer, I don't think I can go clothes shopping with you. I will probably be spending the weekend trying to figure out this math stuff."

Alice gave me a small smile, "don't worry Bella I can help you with your homework _and_ take you shopping. Math is one of my favorite subjects in school, and of course I am good at it."

I narrowed my eyes at the girl who was suddenly an enemy bent on torturing me and plotted my attack. I knew she would be good at math, had she not spent several decades repeating high school over and over again - wow that sounded miserable. _It would be worth it if you could spend eternity with Edward by your side_, the little inner voice chimed in. Choosing to ignore it I finally found something that Alice could not argue against, I showed her exhibit A: my wrist. "Anyway it would be kind of hard to go around looking trying on clothes when I have this thing on my wrist. The splint is temporary, tomorrow I will have to go get the big ugly bulky cast for it."

Alice gave me little glare before a cunning look came into her face. I so did not like that look, suddenly my hopes of a calm and boring weekend spent catching up on homework vanished. "How about we make a deal, Bella. I will help you with your trig homework and you will come shopping with me." It was not a question and she knew it, but I was still not willing to give in. It would be setting a poor precedent if I let her win the argument regarding who would pick out my clothes so early in our relationship. With my luck she would be putting me in high heels and I did not have Edward to catch me when I would inevitably fall.

Had stubbornness been an Olympic sport my walls would be filled with gold medals, "I don't know Alice, that does not sound like a fair exchange. I mean you would have to help me with my homework and you would shop for me?"

Alive gave me a pout, "please Bella, it would be so much fun. Please, please with sugar on it."

I don't know how anyone could resist that face, I knew I would not have the strength. As much as I hated the thought of shopping Alice seemed to enjoy it, well what the heck, why not do this. I enjoyed making people around me happy and she was really happy about the prospect of shopping. We were going to be friend anyway, and is shopping not what girlfriends are supposed to do together? At least I think that is what they did, my mother was my closest friend and that is what we had done togther. Alice must have seen my decision because all of a sudden she started squealing in delight.

"Thank you Bella, this is going to be so much fun." She rushed over to me and gave me a cold hug. She was across the room faster than humanly possible but I do not think she was using her full vampire speed.

"Can't breathe," I gasped out as her small arms squeezed me harder than I thought would be possible.

She backed away quickly with a little laugh that sounded like the tinkling of bells. Her face became a study in concentration again, "I was going to ask how you knew about my family but I know you will not tell me." She heaved a sigh and I was afraid that she was going to pull out the pout again - which I now knew would be impossible to resist. For some reason I was determined not to tell them about the books, even beyond the fear of embarrassment there was a small voice deep down that was afraid that something truly bad would happen if I did. I needed to be more careful about influencing the future, but at the same time there were some things that I needed to avoid at all cost - like Victoria, James and more importantly the Volturi.

"No I am not going to tell you about it, but I will not say anything to anyone else." I chuckled a little at the reaction my father would have, "oh well...umm... I had better get some homework done." My attempts to change the subject was feeble but all Alice did was give me a knowing look before she allowed me to sit down on my bed and attack my stack of homework.

We went through the trig problems first since that was the place I needed help, Alice was surprisingly a patient teacher. She laughed when I told her I wished she was our math teacher, it made so much more sense when she was the one explaining it. I made it through several days worth of homework assignments with surprising ease, and I was a little disappointed when Alice got up and grabbed her small jacked from where she had laid it on my the chair at my desk.

I heard a car pull up in the driveway, at first I thought it was Charlie coming home but Alice was quick to correct me, "there is my ride, are you planning on going to school tomorrow?"

I only nodded as I put away my math homework, I would still need to finish up the rest of my homework but it would be easy compared to the trig. I could probably put most of it off until the weekend anyway, so it did not all have to be finished tonight. Weekend, shopping ...Alice, for some reason I had the suspicion that shopping with Alice would not go the way I liked to shop - run in, find a shirt that I like and buy it in two more colors, follow this by a pair of neutral looking jeans all the while avoiding the overly helpful salesperson - and that pretty much sums up shopping with Bella Swan. My mother was a complete different story, everything that you could find in your size or a size smaller than your size had to be tried on at least once. Heaven forbid you only go into one store, and even if you have exceeded your entire year's worth of clothing budget in February you still had to go check out all the other stores because they just might have something cute for you to wear. I could see Alice falling into the Renee rather than the Bella category of shopping.

Alice stopped just outside my bedroom door before turning back to me. "Excellent. I will be here a little early to help you get ready, and tell your father I will be happy to give you a ride to school." She had a contemplative look on her face for a moment before it cleared and became her toothpaste commercial smile. "I will be here promptly at six, so please be awake."

She asked me not to walk her out, so I started on my reading assignment from History before Charlie came home. I would need to finish as much of this as possible if I let Alice have at me.

Dinner consisted of more leftover pizza, I really needed to get back on my feet and go grocery shopping again. Though I don't know how I was going to do cooking one handed, I sighed - it would be just my luck to not only break a wrist but the one on my more dominant hand.

After dinner, which consisted of little to no conversation with Charlie I headed back to my room to tackle more of my homework. I made a detour to the bathroom to grab some Tylenol for pain, my arm was starting to hurt again but I was not willing to pull out with the heavy medication - that would wait until I was ready to go to sleep.

I pushed myself to do homework until I was utterly exhausted, but one thought kept popping back in my head - vampires. It was the one thing I kept trying not to think about, I was not ready to deal with the consequences of what I had learned. It was kind of nice that the books had worked me up to it gradually, I can only imagine how crazy I would have been had I not know they were nice vampires and would try not to harm me. I still had to deal with the whole 'accidents happen' portion, but at least I knew they would deliberately try to kill me. In the book it had taken me over a month to figure out what they were, I can't imagine how I would have survived that with my sanity intact.

Even with the extra heavy dose of pain killers my brain would not shut down, it just kept circling back to vampires. I don't know how it happened but somehow I felt like I had suddenly gained a friend, Bella Swan the girl who was so shy it was painful made a friend in one afternoon. The only possible problem was that this friend was a vampire, some people might think of it as a very big issue but I knew she was a good person - you are supposed to judge a person by their actions and Alice had been nothing but kind to me. If I thought about it, other than Jasper freaking out when Alice screamed every member of the Cullen family I had ever met was beyond nice to me. Edward had risked exposing his family's secret when he had saved my life, Carlisle had been nothing but polite to me as he fixed my arm. That was one thing I could cling to as my thoughts swirled around in my drug addled head - they were all very nice people, even if they were not human. In a way I felt closer to the Cullen family after knowing about them in a week than my own family. My mother was just too involved in the drama of her own creation to understand me, and my father was just like me and unable to let his true self out.

My dreams were fragmented, involving me dressed in a long white gown that was obviously a wedding dress trying to catch Edward. For most of the night all I got was glimpses of his unique bronze hair, but I never stopped trying to catch up to him.

* * *

The low sound of voices woke me up the next morning, it took me a while to figure out what I was hearing.

"Thank you Chief Swan, but I am more than happy to take Bella to her appointment." Alice sounded as chipper as ever.

"Are you sure? And please call me Charlie." My father replied in a quiet voice.

"No problem Charlie, I was actually thinking that she might get to come home with me afterwards, we were planning on doing some homework and she might need help writing considering her right hand is broken."

"That would be too much." I could hear the embarrassment in my father's voice.

"Oh no, my mother would be more than pleased to have someone over for dinner, and anyway the boys are going on a camping trip for the weekend so it will only be us girls there. Maybe Bella can stay the night? Please." I could practically hear the pout in her voice. My dad was in trouble, there was no way he would be able to resist.

I guess I was going to spend the weekend with vampires...I was too sleepy to figure out how I felt about that.

Alice interrupted my musings, opening the door quietly. I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to sleep so that I could figure out if I really wanted to do a vampire sleepover thing.

"I know you are awake so you can stop pretending, now get up we have a lot to do." Alice's smug tone interrupted my musings.

I bowed to the inevitable and walked past her to the bathroom to start on my morning routine. "Don't bother to try to do anything with your hair," Alice gave me her instructions before I could close the bathroom door.

As I brushed my teeth I considered my situation, how did I really feel about this whole thing. Afraid? Definitely, I mean what sane person would not be afraid. Curios? Most certainly, I would like to meet Esme since she was the only member of the Cullen family I had yet to see. Hope? I would get to interact with the family I wanted to be a part of, maybe they would accept me without Edward. It was kind of hard to explain but I wanted to have a family where I actually fit in, and I would just have to deal with the fact that it happened to be a vampire family.

Alice knocked on the door as I was brushing my teeth, she wanted to get started on my hair. The tangles looked impossible to tackle and for the first time I was glad that Alice wanted to play Barbie Bella since she would be the one that had to deal with the mess.

She grabbed a handful and started attacking it with a brush as I finished with my teeth. "Oh go ahead and sit down, this is going to take a while." She directed me towards the toilet.

I finally realized why I was not a girly girl, it was so freaking boring to sit there and get my hair done. She started on some makeup when she got all the tangles out, I was going to protest but she quickly interrupted, "I need to do something about these dark circles under your eyes."

After that comment I bit my lip and let her have at my face, not that she did too much there - just a light dusting of some sort of sparkling powder, eyeshadow, eyeliner and lip gloss.

Alice would not let me look at the makeup in the mirror, she wanted me to see it only when she was completely finished. Apparently my wardrobe did not contain anything that was worthy of wearing to school, Alice had already brought me a set of clothes. A pair of dark jeans that were a little too long for me but were decent enough looking when we rolled the bottoms up were paired with a pale pink quarter sleeve knit sweater. It ended just above the splint, and would mean I would not have to take it off when they put a cast on this afternoon - it was good to have a psychic friend that could plan for the future.

Charlie was already gone when we made our way downstairs, Alice was carrying my backpack as well as an overnight bag, she was afraid I would ruin all her work if I tripped and fell down the stairs. I have to admit being a little surprised when she finally let me look at myself in the mirror. Alice had parted my hair on the far right side with only a small silver clip holding it up. "That way you will have an easy time hiding behind your hair and you will look more fashionable."

The makeup was light and you could barely tell that I was wearing any, I never realized my eyes could look that big. For a moment I considered trying to reproduce this another day, but that would be impossible. Even when I had both hands functional it would still be too risky, with my luck I would slip while trying to put on eyeliner and end up sticking myself in the eye.

I was surprised to see the silver volvo in the driveway, my heart started to beat furiously as I looked between Alice and _his_ car.

"I borrowed it, the rest are taking Rosalie's car," she explained quickly, possibly understanding my fears. After a moment I pulled open the passenger door and let myself slide into the soft leather seats, I took a deep breath inhaling the amazing smell in the car. The blaring music made it impossible to talk, it was not my style of music but Alice's enthusiasm as she sang along to the heavy beat made it tolerable.

I felt kind of betrayed by Alice, I began to wonder if she truly was a friend. She dolled me up, drove me to school in the obvious Cullen car and then she left me with a simple, "I will meet you at the car after school." I began to wonder if this was going to be a normal routine, in that she gets me dressed up only to throw me to the wolves. Thought there was one comforting thought about all this, I would not have to deal with her sibling. Though it would not be all bad, I could handle Emmett and I had survived my encounter with Jasper. _Could you deal with Edward?_ That little annoying voice asked me? Just the thought of having to look Edward in the face made me blush a beet red, I guess I could handle any of the Cullens except for Edward ... and Rosalie for that matter. I did not want to deal with Rosalie, she sounded freaking scary - and I knew she hated my guts.

I kept my head down as I headed for my first class, trying to avoid all eye contact. The stares were almost worse than my first day of school, people were a little more brave today and almost immediately started questioning me about the accident as well as my involvement with the Cullen family. Jessica especially was determined to find out every detail, if all else failed that girl had a very promising future as an FBI interrogator. I gave out as little information as possible, there was no way I could tell the truth and I knew enough not to start embellishing my lies. Edward pulled me out of the way after I fell, he was standing right next to me and just picked me up off the asphalt. That is what I repeated all day long, you would think that after a while the lie would become easier but it came out just as awkwardly at the end of the day as it had when I first had told the lie.

School crawled by at the slowest pace possible as I dodged questions about the accident and tried to take notes with my left hand. Lunch was awkward, having noticed that Alice was sitting with the rest of her family I immediately made the decision to sit next to Angela instead. Jessica saw this as an opportunity to continue her interrogations, she finally gave up when I put my head down and took a deep breath. It was not all for show, my arm was starting to hurt again since in all the excitement with Alice getting me dressed I had forgotten to take some pain medication. As thought he throbbing pain was not enough there was also a spot that was starting to seriously itch, of course this was in the middle of the splint where I could not reach it. I considered taking the splint, I consoled myself with the thought that I only had to wait a few more hours before the splint would be taken off. I could scratch that spot to my hearts content once they removed the splint, of course it would be replaced by a cast but I refused to consider that fact. Instead I concentrated on the hope that very soon I would be able to drag my nails across that annoying little patch of skin, just the thought made me moan in relief.

_Hey girl need I remind you that vampires have really good hearing?_ I suddenly looked up and turned to where the Cullens were sitting. Edward was of course looking straight at me his face was wreathed in shock and confusion. It was pretty evident that he had heard my moan, Jasper's shoulders were shaking like he was trying to hold in a laugh. Alice gave me her power smile and waved, it became imperative that I put my head down again. At least the embarrassment of being caught moaning had taken my mind off the itchy spot on my wrist.

"Bella are you all right?" Angela asked quietly, I know she meant well it was hard not to be upset over the fact that she had brought the spotlight back on me.

I mumbled something about my arm hurting before I headed to Biology class, I considered skipping but I had missed far too many days as it was. The teacher was already there so I took the opportunity to hand in the homework I had finished.

"Alice brought me the stuff, I wonder if there was anything else that I had missed." I tried to be as polite as possible, it would not be in my best interest to make the teachers angry.

He gave me some extra worksheets that I needed to do in lieu of the labs that I had missed, taking a quick glance at them I tried to keep a straight face - this would take me less than an hour to complete. The biology classes here were obviously not the same caliber as they were in Phoenix, this was kind of sad since I really like the subject. In Phoenix we had already done the cell biology and biochemistry stuff and had actually moved onto the zoology and taxonomy portion. People were starting to slowly trickle into the classroom and so I decided to get settled in my seat.

I was glad that I had come a little early, it would give me a little time to think. Should I try to talk to Edward and thank him for saving my life or should I be polite and leave him alone? In the book he chose to ignore me for over a month, I don't know if I was capable of allowing that. I wanted to know about the real Edward and compare him to the book Edward, a part of my mind was screaming at me with warning - nothing good would come of getting to know him, it would just lead to more heartbreak. The dominant part of my mind decided to ignore the sound advice and go for it. So I waited less than patiently for my lab partner to show up, I was looking down at my book keeping up the pretense of doing my homework when I heard the chair scrape next to me.

I gave him half a minute to get settled in before I looked up at him and my mind went totally blank. I could only see his profile since he was deliberately staring at the front of the class - I quickly tried to restore function in my brain. "Ummm...thanks." Yeah Bella wait to be eloquent. "For...the other day."

Edward did not turn his body at all, merely moved his eyes in my direction before nodding.

Geez, if I had any self-esteem left it would have totally been pulverized by that move. My temper came to my rescue, how dare he just ignore me. I was just trying to be polite, and I had already told him that his secret would be safe. I take it we were going to be playing the silent game huh? I giggled hysterically. _It was a good thing he could not read my mind, this really would be a completely silent game. _I would be the first person in his long vampire life that could actually give him the silent treatment.

We did not say anything to each other the entire time, in fact he did not say a word during the fifty minutes of Biology. Alice had not spoken to me all day, and even though she had told Charlie that she would take me to my afternoon appointment maybe something had changed. Was I supposed to meet her at Edward's car? or wait for her somewhere? Should I just start the long walk home and pick up my own truck to drive to the hospital? Was the entire Cullen family ignoring me or was it only Edward? I was starting to work myself into quite a nice 'I hate Forks' frenzy when I reminded myself that Edward was in pain and that it probably hurt him to breathe around me, it might be nicer for me to not try to strike up a conversation. I pulled my things together as best I could one handed once the bell rang, and headed to Gym without looking at Edward even once.

One good thing had come out of all this fiasco with Tyler's van, I had a perfectly legitimate reason not to participate in Gym - and the best part of it all was that it would last for at least six weeks. The only problem to this entire scenario was that I had to sit on the bleachers filling out worksheets.

The coach let me out a few minutes early after I handed in my filled out worksheets, I apologized for my atrocious writing using the excuse that I was not left-handed as an excuse. I was at my locker trying to decided wether it would be best to not even bother and start walking home when Alice appeared in front of me. "Let us go see Carlisle," she told me taking away my heavy backpack.

* * *

Thanks for reading, comments are appreciated. I know Alice is not supposed to talk to Bella but in my opinion Alice would totally have told Edward to suck on a lemon she is going to talk to her friend.


	5. Decisions Made

Disclaimer: I own nothing, it all belongs to SM.

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Chapter 5 - Decisions Made

I have to admit it was nice to have Alice with me at the hospital, we did not spend the half an hour filling out the paperwork that was usually involved in such a trip and then the next half an hour waiting for the nurse to get off the phone and actually acknowledge said paperwork. Instead she simply escorted me to her father's office where Dr. Cullen was waiting for us with a smile. He did not at all act surprised at our sudden entrance, not even when Alice opened his door without knocking.

I had come to a decision sometime today, I was going to be selfish - I wanted what Bella of the book had: the family, the love, the future. It had taken me most of the day to make up my mind, in retrospect I don't know why I bothered - the outcome was obvious from the beginning. As soon as I had chosen to trust the book, my options had dwindled down to two possibilities. I could either ignore the Cullen family and have as little to do with them as possible, or I could plunge head first into the supernatural world of vampires...and werewolves if the book was correct. My decision made, I reluctantly allowed Alice to pull me through the her father's office door. I had made a half-hearted attempt to slow down but she really was a force of nature, fortunately she was aware enough to pull my by my left wrist.

I don't know if it was pity for my lack of fashion sense, or she had seen something in the future but I got the impression we were friends. This should have worried me a little bit, since I had never made friends this easily in the past. I pushed those negative thoughts aside; Alice had been nothing but kind to me so far, it would be foolish of me to push away a potential friend especially in a town as small as this. I had never been good at dealing with people my age, but if I thought about it technically Alice was far older than she looked - so I had not changed all that much, I still could not relate to my peers. Maybe that was why I got along with her, mentally we were both past middle age. It did not really matter, I had always gotten along better with older people than my peers and I guess this would be no different.

All this thinking meant I had not paid much attention in class and would probably have to see if I could borrow Alice's notes - or heck have her tutor me again.

"Don't worry Bella I can let you borrow my notes," she told me before greeting her vampire "father" with a small hug.

She startled me for a second, and I was afraid she could read my mind but I realized this was just Alice doing her psychic thing. "Thanks, I appreciate it," I told her with a small smile. I could not help but laugh a little at Alice, it should have freaked me out that she saw my decision to ask her for help but it was an 'Alice' thing to do and I liked it.

This interaction cemented the deal, there was no way I could give up on Alice - we were meant to be friends, if not necessarily sisters. But I cringed away from that thought, this was not the time to depress myself with thought of how Edward and I could never be.

My mother usually called me headstrong and willful but there was nothing wrong with making a decision and sticking to my plans; as much as it had hurt me to move to Forks it had been the best for everyone involved. My father would get to spend more time with his daughter and my mother could concentrate more on her new marriage. I really hoped this one would last, luckily it looked like Phil and my mom were in it for the long haul and were willing to put in the work. Some things are meant to be, but it does not hurt for circumstances to help them out. If I had to live in Forks until I graduated high school then that is what I would do for them - sacrificing my mental well being was worth my mother having someone there for her.

I tried to bring myself back to the task at hand, and pay attention to what was going on around me. I did not know how long the Cullen family would tolerate my presence but I had better savor it while it lasted - it would probably help if I actually payed attention to them instead of spending all my time inside my head. I was not a pessimist, I just knew that I was most certainly not interesting enough to hold their attention for long.

The exuberance of Dr. Cullen's greeting was unexpected, it was my turn to be surprised. As soon he noticed our presence he immediately got up from his desk and walked over to me. He only reached out and shook my hand, but I got the impression he wanted to do more than that. His brilliant smile dazzled me for a moment - wow this entire family could make a fortune doing toothpaste commercials. I could not be sure if it was Alice's exuberance that got him so excited or he was having a good day but Carlisle seemed very pleased to see me again. Much more pleased than a doctor should be when a patient had returned to have a cast put on.

"How is your father?" he asked as he escorted Alice and me towards one of the exam rooms.

It took me a moment to reply, I was too busy watching his long and graceful stride. Envy gripped me for a moment before I managed to push it aside, gracefulness was never going to be one of my virtues and I would just have to live with that. This was something I had accepted a while back but the elegance with which the Cullen family moved reminded me of my own lack of coordination. Apparently my body decided to help me remember this fact and I managed to trip on the even surface of the hallway before I could answer his question.

Luckily Carlisle was close enough to catch my elbow and quickly helped me regain my balance, I threw him a small smile in lieu of actually thanking him. My face of course flooded with color, but that was another part of me that I could not change.

"He is good, just working and worried about ..." I did not finish the sentence, instead I lifted my right arm to show him the problem. Chief Swan was very worried about his extremely unlucky and clumsy daughter, though it was not always my fault - I swear things just seemed to jump out at me in their determination to make me trip.

Carlisle and Alice laughed together, which is what I intended for them to do. Unfortunately I had forgotten to take into account that it would also mean I would now be the center of attention. A place I absolutely hated to be, I looked down at my feet and concentrated on not falling down again.

"Esme is really looking forward to you visiting tonight, she is even ordering pizza for you girls." Carlisle seemed to notice my embarrassment and was kind enough to try to change the subject.

I made a scoffing sound, yeah right like Alice would actually eat anything. But I bit my tongue before I could make some revealing remark. "That sounds very kind," and it really was, it was nice of them to think of things like food for the human especially since they had not eaten any food for decades. Though in Carlisle's case it was more like centuries; it was hard to imagine going without eating that long. Food was not of utmost importance to me, and sometimes it was just a hassle to try to find something to eat - but come on who could give up cheesecake?

The cast was put on my wrist, it was not as large as I was afraid it would be. Carlisle and his nurse both gave me the standard warnings, I only half paid attention to their instructions. I would have told them it was not necessary, since I had heard the same speech so many times I could have recited it.

Alice was excited, she wanted to be the first to sign my cast and was very disappointed to be told that she would have to wait until it dried. My bad mood from staring at the ungainly cast was slightly lifted by her absolute enthusiasm as she talked about how she would decorate the cast for me.

"I will make sure to break a few more bones so you can have more casts to decorate," I told her with a laugh as we walked towards the silver volvo. It was kind of hard to stay in a bad mood around her, she was just so freaking excited about everything.

"No way, that makes it so much harder for me to make you look fashionable," she told me in a matter of fact voice. Though I could see that she had considered my plan for a moment.

We stopped by my house long enough for me to get a change of clothes, Alice wanted to have a slumber party and I could not come up with a good enough reason to say no. _You chose this path Bella, you want to be part of the vampire family so suck it up and go with it._

As we started to head out of town the butterflies in my stomach started to congregate, pretty soon they were joined by birds. Holy crap, I was going to go to a vampires house. What if they did not like me? I would be crushed if Esme did not accept me. Would she really be as sweet as the books wrote? was that even possible?

"So the boys have already left for their camping trip," Alice told me as she drove very quickly. I knew better than to look at the speedometer, it would only add another reason to be scared right now.

"It will only be Esme and Rosalie at home right now," she was looking at me as she said this. I am pretty sure at this point she had given up all pretenses of being a human. While I theoretically knew that she had the awesome vampire reflexes and that she drove this way all the time, there was something about actually having to sit in the car while she did so. The trees were flying by so quickly that I could not discern their shapes, all I saw was a big green and brown blur out the window. I looked down at my cast instead.

"Ummm, could you slow down a little. I am a little too young to die just yet," I tried to make a joke out of it but my laugh came out a little too shaky to sound genuine.

"Silly Bella, don't you know this is how I normally drive. I have never been in an accident." She told me with a tinkling laugh. "Well except that one time..." her brow furrowed as she got lost in some memory.

"Yeah well unless you want to see what I had for lunch I would suggest you slow down." I mumbled under my breath, but of course she heard me. It did not matter, because she did as I wanted her to and slowed down just a smidge. My stomach did not settle down, I mean I was going to go to a house half full of vampires.

Oh my god, what if I had like bad breath? I quickly dug around in my backpack for a stick of gum. I barely managed not to do the touchdown dance when I found a half squished piece. It was hard as a rock, but when I put it in my mouth the burst of mint helped calm my stomach. So I could take bad breath off the very long list of things to worry about now that I had a vampire friend.

I did not see the turnoff towards the house until the car started to turn, the only warning that we were about to turn onto driveway was the slight, - and I do mean, slight - decrease in speed. All of a sudden the trees rushing past us were a lot closer, my audible gasp cause Alice to laugh again and call me silly.

The house appeared all of a sudden, the author had not done justice to the place. It was beyond my abilities to describe it, I could not believe that anything this beautiful was here hiding in these woods. If it was not for the car I was currently sitting in I would have sworn I had been transported to the past somewhere it the deep south. The majestic trees surrounded the impeccably maintained white house, including a deep porch that looked like it wrapped around the entire front of the house.

Alice did not allow me much time to to look around instead she quickly ushered me inside. If the outside of the house left me impressed, the interior made me speechless.

I was still gaping at my surroundings when a woman who looked to be in her mid twenties stepped out of the archway that led to a kitchen. Her expression was a mixture of hesitancy and shyness. She had the pale skin of all the vampires combined with the golden eyes, when I looked her in the eye she gave me the sweetest of smiles. This must be Esme, I clenched my unbroken hand as the temptation to jump in her arms and yell 'Mommy' overcame me.

"Esme, this is Bella. Bella, this is my mother, Esme." Alice made the quick introductions.

My nervousness evaporated, and I wondered if Jasper was anywhere around me. But it was not that I was calm, more along the lines that I knew Esme, at least I thought I knew her. She was the sweetest, kindest person that ever lived with the possible exception of her husband.

"It is such a pleasure to finally meet you," I blurted out, I was very glad to meet Esme and it might have shown in my tone. Then I realized that I was technically not supposed to know anything about Esme. I was not supposed to be in love with the woman, in a completely heterosexual-kind-of-I-love-you-mommy sort of way.

The line between what I had experienced for myself and what I had read in the book started to blur - this was the wrong place and time to get confused. At one point I had come to the conclusion that the books were pretty much accurate about events so I was going to go with the assumption that it was also right about the personalities of the Cullen family. _Does that mean you get to keep Edward?_ That pesky inner voice asked. I cringed at the thought, not because I did not want Edward but because really and truly if the real life Edward was half the man described in the books there is no way I could ever be good enough for him. Some people would call it low self-esteem but I was willing to tell the truth - this was reality not some fantasy of the book. I laughed a little, so yeah I was living in a fantasy world but there was no way I could ever hope to attract Edward.

Pulling myself back to the present I noted that I was not the only one that seemed happy during this introduction. Esme looked like she was practically bursting with happiness, it must have been due to something that had happened before I came here. Strange both Carlisle and Esme looked like they were having a really good day.

"Welcome to our home Bella, Alice has been very excited about you coming over," Esme told me with a smile that made her golden eyes light up. She looked indulgently in Alice's direction, I was not the only one who could not say no to the smallest of the Cullens. "Rosalie decided to step out for a few hours," Esme added while giving Alice a speaking look.

I wonder why? Oh yeah Rosalie hates the fact that I am a human and she is not. It really did not bother me that she was not here, in fact I felt a little bit better about it.

Alice escorted me to the living room with in pristine white furniture, I wondered how it was possible to keep things this white with all the mud outside - but I guess they were vampires. I was extremely nervous to sit down on the couch. The TV was one of the biggest I had seen in my entire life, it made my father's look the size of a postage stamp.

I was reluctant to simply spread out my things in such an orderly place, I most certainly did not fit into this house. Alice noticed my discomfort and laughed as she pulled the things out of my backpack and threw my papers and books everywhere, "don't worry we will pick up when we are done," she gave me a bright smile before we moved onto Trig again. My week of skipping had made the already hard topic nearly impossible to understand, the only saving grace was Alice - she was the only thing that got me through it.

It had quickly become apparent that I was the only one that had the pile of homework. Alice was already finished with hers.

"How are we supposed to be studying together when you are all done with yours?" I pretended to pout.

All Alice did was laugh, and call me silly. I could hear the unspoken 'silly human' she added in her thoughts. It was refreshing that I did not have to pretend to be normal for her.

The evening progressed better than I would have thought, I would never have believed I could be friends so quickly with someone as exuberant and outspoken as Alice but it was next to impossible not to love her. I could see how it would be a challenge keeping her in check. More than once Esme came into the living room laughing before she would sternly ask Alice to calm down before she scared me away.

"You are not scared of me? Are you?" Alice asked me with a twinkle in her eye.

"I think you are capable of being very scary, but I do not think you would ever deliberately hurt me." Alice did not scare me - her husband was a completely different creature, Jasper was freaking scary with a capital S.

She narrowed her eyes at me, and for a moment my heart beat too quickly, had I said too much? I had come to the conclusion that we were not going to blurt out the fact that I knew but the Cullens were under the impression that I knew they were vampires.

Esme eventually ordered pizza, and I ate a whole slice of the entire thing. I noticed that Alice was not eating any, she just gave me a smirk when I asked her if she was not hungry. This was kind of amusing, the skirting around the vampire idea without actually speaking out loud.

Carlisle had come home after seven but after saying a quick hello again had retreated upstairs to his study. Other than Esme and Carlisle I saw no one else come home that night. The boys were supposedly 'camping', there was no real explanation given to me regarding where Rosalie was spending the night.

Alice and I gathered blankets and extra pillows and camped out in the living room, I finally fell asleep around one in the morning while watching some chick flick that Alice had picked.

That night I dreamed of Edward Cullen, I was crying and pleading for him to come back but no matter how fast I ran after him or how much I begged I could never catch him.

* * *

A/N: Sorry that this took so long, I just could not seem to get away from the same story as Twilight. I think I got into the right groove right now. Thanks everyone who reviewed and put me on alter. Lots of love, Lw.


	6. Esme

Chapter 6: Esme

I woke up in the middle of a pile of blankets and pillows, there was no way to tell if the low amount of light coming from the large windows was because it was early in the morning or that the sky was overcast.

"This is Forks, so probably overcast," talking to myself was a habit I had picked up when my mom started dating Phil. Their first six months of dating she had come home to sleep and change clothes; some days she did not even come home to sleep but I did not spend too much time thinking about what she was doing. I should have been jealous of all the time she was spending with Phil but I was too happy that she had finally found someone she could be serious about. I had gotten tired of dealing with what I called "break-up week" - my mom would be completely unconsolable and break into tears for no reason for nearly a week after she broke up with one of her many boyfriends. It would make her even more unreliable than usual.

"There are some sunny days even here," a quiet voice surprised me.

"Oh, you scared me," my heart started beating quickly as I looked over to the stairs. Esme was standing on the first step, she had a pleasant smile on her face. She looked exactly the same as I remembered her, but today her cream colored pants had a peach colored hue instead of the blue she was wearing yesterday. I could not help being impressed with her ability to wear such light colors - with my luck if I ever wore anything that color I was guaranteed to end up in a puddle.

"Good morning dear, did you sleep well?" Her voice was just as pleasant as it had been yesterday. She was either very good at hiding her emotions or Esme was actually happy to have me at her house.

"Yes, thank you for asking," surprisingly I did not have to tell a polite fib. Maybe Alice had managed to exhaust me with her constant chatter last night - or maybe it was the fact that this house was so well insulated that you could hardly hear the rain on the rooftop. Regardless of what the reason I had gotten a decent night's sleep for the first time since I had come to Forks.

"Alice stepped out for a minute, she should be back in less than an hour. Would you like some breakfast? I can make anything you like, pancakes, waffles, an omelet perhaps?" It sounded like she had a whole list of breakfast items in her head and was going to offer me pretty much everything.

"You don't have to make a big fuss for me, I can just eat..." my words started to slow down and get quieter as I watched Esme's face morph into a look of disappointment. I really had every intention of telling her I am not a big breakfast eater and a bowl of cereal would do just fine for me but the words would not come out of my mouth. _Just say no Bella_, the little voice in the back of my mind said, _there comes a point in time where you have to actually tell people what you want._ The problem was I did not really care that much and she had looked just so eager with anticipation - I knew that Esme and Alice were not at all related but the apple had not fallen far from the tree. Esme was just as hard to say no to as Alice, the books had not mentioned this, not that forewarning had helped me resist Alice.

Esme probably did not get to practice her cooking skills too often, come to think of it did she know how to cook at all? I made a promise to myself, no matter how bad her cooking was I would still eat it with a smiling face. I had lived with my mother long enough to know that there are some combinations of foods that can make you gag but they will not kill you. Pineapple pizza might taste delicious but pasta with marinara sauce and pineapple was not as appetizing. Esme was too sweet and there was no way I was going to hurt her feelings if her cooking was terrible, and what did I know? She was a vampire so she might do everything perfectly well.

"Waffles sound great," it was kind of hard to mess those up, you just mixed up the batter and the waffle maker did the rest. "I will just go to the um...bathroom."

"Oh... of course dear, there is a half bath downstairs but if you need to take a shower you can use my bathroom. It tends to be far less cluttered than Alice's bathroom." She started to lead the way upstairs and I followed after grabbing backpack of things.

The bathroom I entered was about twice the size of my bedroom, there was a huge shower stall that could comfortably fit two as well as a large jacuzzi tub. The cream and white theme of the rest of the house was reflected in the pristine countertops. The thought of using the bathroom and messing it up made me very nervous, but the pressure on my bladder overcame all my fears.

It was only after I had turned on the shower that I realized the need for a plastic bag to cover up my cast. I opened the door to find Esme waiting for me on the other side, and with a "I am a doctor's wife so I have picked up a few things over the years," she helped me wrap the trash bag around my arm before heading out the door.

The shower was amazing but I did not linger too long, once finished I spent extra time making sure that my teeth were clean. It was somewhat silly to brush your teeth before breakfast but when in the same house as a family of vampires with an extraordinary sense of smell you have little choice.

Breakfast was a surprise, Esme was an amazing cook and I was more than happy to tell her so. "This blackberry sauce is divine, where did you get it?"

"It is actually called a Marion berry and it only grows in Oregon, I usually pick up a few jars of it when we are in Portland." Her comments struck me as strange, why would a vampire be picking up jars of pancake syrup? Looking around I noticed that the kitchen was well stocked for a group of people who did not eat.

"Do you do a lot of cooking?" I asked quietly, there was no way to mask the incredulity in my tone.

"The main source of income for most charitable organization in this area is bake sales, so I spend a lot of time making pies and casseroles for various groups. You should have seen this place around christmas time, there were cooling rack filled with cookies and bars covering every surface of the kitchen." She gave a small laugh at the memory before she continued, "and I had to do it all myself because none of my children are willing to help. Except for Emmett but he usually is more of a hindrance than help," her smile became indulgent as she spoke of her son. After breakfast I made the token offer to help her clean up but other than my plate and fork everything was already cleaned up, the leftovers safely placed in the fridge.

I looked down at myself feeling somewhat out of place, how could I ever imagine fitting into this family? They were all so perfect, and I was anything but.

After my shower I had put on a comfortable pair of sweats and a loose shirt, they were both clean but obviously well worn. My hair was pulled back in a very messy ponytail, it needed to be thoroughly combed but with one hand in a cast I knew that was not going to be easy.

The idea that I would become part of this family seemed a little grandiose, these people were diamonds and I was a lump of coal. The analogy seemed a little too appropriate, they did sparkle in the sun - at least according to the book they did. I had yet to actually see that in action, but there had not been too many opportunities since it had been overcast. What could I possibly offer to this family? I was not all that smart, I was not that pretty, and I sure as heck was not athletic.

I heaved a heavy sigh, and pulled on my tangled hair.

"You are much too young to have sighs that deep," Esme interrupted my dreary thoughts. I looked up to see that she had finished cleaning the kitchen.

"Thank you for the breakfast," I remembered my manners, "it was very delicious."

"You don't eat enough," she told me in a stern tone. The twinkle in her eye however told me she was teasing.

"I ate more than you did," I replied jokingly before I realized what I had admitted. Esme appeared startled for only a moment before she laughed.

"You certainly do make things more interesting around here," she told me with a smile before she touched a piece of my twisted and gnarly hair that I had attempted to pull back into a ponytail. "Do you need help combing out your hair?"

"I really don't want to be a bother, thank you for offering." I tried to politely decline, she fed me and now she was going to comb my hair. I was partially allergic to people taking care of me. I was more than capable of combing out my hair, it would just take some extra effort when I could only really use one hand.

"Oh I am sorry, I did not mean to be so forward," she immediately backed away, contrition apparent in her face.

Guilt immediately flooded my entire system, here she was trying to be nice and I was throwing a fit. _Come on Bella, you can suck it up, she wants to be helpful so let her. _ That is how I ended up sitting on a stool in the kitchen while Esme combed out my hair. She was much more gentle than I could have been, it was kind of nice not to pull out half my hair just to get the tangles out.

There was a strange sound, at first I did not recognize the noise but then I realized it was Esme humming under her breath. "Is that a lullaby?" I asked after a little while of listening to the unfamiliar tune.

If it was possible for her to blush she would have been beet red, "oh my goodness was I humming? I feel so embarrassed." She rushed through her words so quickly that it was barely understandable, "I will stop immediately."

"No, no please don't. It was very pleasant... I was just wondering what it was." She must have heard the honesty in my voice because she picked up the brush she had dropped and continued to hum. At first it seemed like she was self-conscious about it but then she seemed to get into a rhythm that went along with the strokes of the brush through my hair.

"Are there any words?" I asked a minute or so later, trying to get her to talk to me. This was a side of Esme that had not been talked about in the book and to be honest it was intriguing to see her in a more laid back setting.

"My mother used to sing this song when she would comb out my hair, but that was such a long time ago...when I was just a little girl. It is strange, I can remember the melody but sadly the words elude me." Her faraway tone spoke of another time, I cannot imagine what she has lived through.

"It is very nice nonetheless," it was not a lie. I smiled thinking about asking her to come and do this for me at night. The gentle tugs on my hair, combined with the soft humming made me completely relaxed. "I remember when I was around eight my mother got some gum stuck in her hair," I have no idea how an adult woman managed to get bubble gum in her hair, she could not even blame me in that intance. "I spent over an hour trying to save her hair, combing out the gum."

Esme gave me a little laugh, "is it not supposed to happen the other way around?your mother combing the gum out of _your_ hair?"

"My mother and I do not usually follow convention, it is what works for us." I gave a shrug, when I was younger there were times when I wished for a mother like all the other girls. As I had gotten older I learned that when it comes to people you love you have to take them the way they are - the good and the quirky. When my mother was involved there was a great deal of quirk. Speaking of my mother, not even a week after the gum incident she had decided her look needed an update and had cut off all her hair - making all my work to save it worthless. She had not been malicious about it, she had just not considered the amount of time I had put in to save her hair. My mother was that way sometimes, she got an idea in her head and she dropped everything to follow it through.

"Would you like me to braid it for you, it will keep the tangles to a minimum and I know several pretty styles for someone with your length of hair?" I looked over at Esme' to see from her expression if she truly wanted to do this or if she was just being nice again - there was a glow of excitement on her face that surely could not be faked.

"Yes thank you, if you do not mind." I moved with Esme back to her bathroom so that she could dry my hair before braiding it. Again I was impressed with her ability to be gentle.

It was unfair of me to compare Esme and my mother. They were different people, they had completely different personalities and backgrounds. As she finished drying my hair I pushed the ugly thoughts aside and thought about how nice Esme was being to me, a stranger that she had just met the day before.

"Thank you for being so kind, I mean you only met me yesterday and here you are taking care of me." I gave her a small smile of gratitude, I might not like people doing stuff for me but I had been taught to thank people politely. Though Esme was so wonderful that she made you feel like you were doing her the favor by letting her do things for you.

"Alice..." she seemed to pause for a moment as if searching for the right words.

"You do not have to say much more than her name, she is absolutely unique in this world." She might be different, and strange at times but I would not change one thing about her. Well maybe her incessant need to play Barbie Bella, that could be toned down a bit.

"She has a very special way of looking at things," Esme gave a little smile, I was willing to bet there were some amusing memories hidden behind that smile. It would be interesting to hear some of Esme's stories of what Alice is capable of - maybe another day. "She might seem very outgoing and friendly but she does not bring home just anyone. She is very discerning in her choice of friends; it takes a great deal to earn her seal of approval."

That was more than I deserved but I was going to go with it, "all I seem to be doing this morning is thanking you."

"You are under the impression that I am not a willing participant. You are such a little darling, you are doing me a favor. You see, I have always wanted a girl so that I could do the things that my mother did with me."

"You have Alice and Rosalie..." I told her quietly.

"Yes I do, but can you imagine Alice letting me do her hair? And you have not met Rosalie yet but I assure you I would lose a limb if I dared to touch her hair." She gave a mock shudder as she considered Rosalie's reaction.

"I really do not mind, it is kind of nice." I would learn to say no another day. Though this was not so bad, I had gotten to know Esme Cullen a little better and I hate to admit that I liked what I saw. _You already have a mother_, that pesky little voice pointed out. I felt a twinge of guilt but then I realized something, love was not something you only had a finite amount of, it was not something you had to be frugal about doling out - I could love Esme like a second mother, without having to give up anything in regards to how much I loved Renee. Esme continued to braid and twist my hair as I became lost in my own thoughts.

Alice appeared a few minutes later with my "real" clothes, apparently the ones I was wearing were allowed only so that my wet hair would not mess up the clothes Alice had picked out for me. Esme retreated out of the bathroom when Alice made her appearance.

"Now I saw that you were going to refuse the first outfit that I had picked out for you, so here is plan B. It might not be as stylish but I am willing to compromise...just for you." Her tone told me of the great amount of suffering she was going through because I would not wear her original choice. It was kind of nice to have a psychic friend, it would prevent some unnecessary arguments.

"I am pretty sure this was not part of my wardrobe, do I want to know where this came from?" I gave in to the inevitable and let Alice help me get dressed.

"No, you don't want to know," she told me as she pulled on some skinny jeans that looked like they were painted on. They fit perfectly of course, next came a plain white camisole and a soft sweater with loose sleeves that easily fit over my cast. "I knew that blue would look good next to your skin. Come let us show Esme."

Before we left the room I took a quick peek into the mirror, Esme had braided chunks of my hair and pinned them up around my head in an elaborate crown - it looked something from the late 19th century and I could not help but smile. It was too old fashioned for Esme but it was probably something that her mother would have worn.

* * *

A/N: I was trying my hardest to get this out before mother's day. A little Bella and Esme seemed appropriate. It was originally intended to be only a few paragraphs but it kind of took on a life of its own. It is supposed to be sweet and sappy, but I did put together two of the kindest characters SM wrote so I hope that is what it turned out to be.

Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate the reviews.

Happy mother's day for all the moms, I don't know about the rest of you but I know I look forward to the lopsided scribbles of 'Mommy'. Even my baby boy brought home a card from preschool today with something that if I squint and look at it upside down looks like 'MOM'.


	7. Alice

Chapter 7: Alice

Alice and I drove off to the mall late that morning, she was chattering on about the dance that was coming up in a couple of weeks. All she needed was a yes or no every few minutes and Alice seemed satisfied with my end of the conversation. "You really need to make some plans, make sure you have the right dress - not to mention the perfect shoes. Never underestimate the importance of shoes."

I was staring out the window, not really paying attention to her words. Instead of thinking about such things like dances I imagined what it would be like to dance with Edward - I would not have to worry about tripping or falling, since he would take care of me. Was it wrong to be fantasizing about a boy I had spoken to twice in my entire life?

"You know this is a girls ask the boys dance, have you thought of anyone you would like to ask?" Alice interrupted my thoughts with a direct question.

My face of course immediately flushed a bright red as I though of the only person I would like to ask. I quickly looked out the window of the car, making sure that Alice would not see my burning cheeks. "Uh...no there is no one I would like to ask." It was technically not a lie, there was no way I would ever have the guts to ask Edward to the dance. That did not mean that I would not be more than willing to go if he asked me. _Dream on Bella, like that is ever going to happen. _My inner voice brought me back to the reality of my life, no way would I get to dance with Edward. "Anyway I have not been here long enough to actually get to know any of the guys."

"Mike seems particularly fond of you," Alice pointed out something I wished I could ignore, there was something in her voice that I could not clearly identify - did she think it was funny that he had a crush on me? In the book he had been very persistent, would that stay the same? or had I changed enough things that I would not have to hurt his feeling and make an enemy out of Jessica as well?

"There is no way I would ever go out with Mike," I told her firmly, but immediately regretting my harsh words, that sounded very rude of me to say. "I mean he seems a nice enough guy but not really my type."

"So Bella what is your type?" Her voice was definitely full of humor now, was she laughing at me?

"Uh...well I have never really dated or anything. So I don't know if I have a particular type." _About six foot one, dark auburn hair, pale skin, golden eyes that slowly change to dark ...oh and his name just happens to be Edward Anthony Cullen in case I was not descriptive enough for you. _My inner voice was really starting to annoy me, especially since it kept telling me the truth that I was trying to ignore.

I cringed at the look that Alice gave me, it seemed my deception skills had not miraculously improved all of a sudden - I still could not lie. Fortunately for me she decided to drop the subject, she went back to talking about shoes and I continued to mumble yes or no under my breath at the appropriate times. It was interesting to note that her eyes were a lighter color of honey this morning than they had been last night, the dark shadows were also almost gone from under her eyes. I surmised that she had gone hunting while Esme entertained me this morning. I felt guilty sitting next to her, her throat was probably burning with thirst right about now - but it would not be as bad for her as it was for Edward to be in my presence.

The trip to the mall was far worse than I imagined and Alice seemed to have nearly dropped her human charade around me which did not bother me, but at the same time she expected me to keep up with her.

"All right Alice...unlike some people, I need to stop for a minute go to the bathroom and get something to eat," both I and my feet could attest to the fact that we had visited every store in the mall. Alice was a shopping machine, the only thing that saved my sanity is that she was not buying everything for me. She must have decided to redo the entire Cullen family's wardrobe. We had already made several trips to the car because she could not carry everything, at least not without arousing a lot of suspicion. I now knew the impressive dimensions of the volvo's trunk, and how many shopping bags could fit in there.

Alice was currently digging through a rack of clothes filled with bright pink shirts, I truly hoped she was not thinking of that color for me. Please let it be fore Rosalie, or even Esme; though having been in her house I did not see Esme wearing anything but light pastels.

"Oh all right," Alice gave in with an unhappy sigh, "we will get you something to eat, but from the smell I would not think anything in this place is appetizing. Hmmm but I see you would not like to go find a restaurant." Her eyes took on a glazed look, I quickly searched the store around us to make sure that no one would notice what I could only assume was a vision. It was like a switch had been pressed, one moment she was in another world and the next she was picking up a shirt to take to the checkout. If I was not careful she would give me whiplash.

We ended up back at the Cullen house, the drive back had taken far less than I could have possibly predicted. I made sure to keep my eyes away from the speedometer and the view of the trees we were passing at supersonic speed.

"Oh go ahead and head inside while I carry these bags in," Alice told me as I hovered next to her trying to help with her purchases. She quickly shooed me towards the front door. I carefully walked up the porch steps and stood by the door hesitating, was I supposed to knock? or did I just walk in? I did not want to make someone have to answer the door, on the other hand I did not want to presume too much. This was not my home..._.but you wish it was_. That pesky voice kept speaking up at the worst possible times.

Alice finally solved my problem for me, she had come up behind me while I had stood indecisively in front of the door. "Bella would you just open the door," I was not looking at her but it was pretty obvious from the tone of her voice that she had just rolled her eyes at me. "Esme has a late lunch ready for you in the kitchen."

With a deep breath I opened the door and let Alice precede me into the house, it was not that I was scared to be here. More worried that someone other than Esme or Carlisle were home... so call me a coward but I did not want to deal with Rosalie right now. Or make that ever, she was the one that never accepted Bella in the book. At least not until the pregnancy, my mind quickly moved beyond that though. Me pregnant at eighteen did not sit well with me, no matter the circumstance.

At Alice's urging I called Charlie to tell him I was spending the night again with Alice. I did not actually want to ask permission, I was seventeen and should not really need his approval for something as simple as spending the night with Alice. I had called him last night to tell him that my cast had been put on with no problems.

"What about her brothers?" my father asked as soon as I told him of my plans. I rolled my eyes but resisted the urge to heave a sigh.

"Seriously Cha...dad, like I told you last night, they are all gone on some camping trip," more like hunting but my father was kind of on a need to know basis.

"They will not be back till Sunday night," Alice chimed in helpfully. Her vampire hearing probably made it so that she heard both sides of the phone conversation. I rolled my eyes at both her and my dad, what did he think was going to happen? Edward all of a sudden will realize he loves me more than life itself and ravish me? _That might be a great deal of fun_, my mind pointed out. _How would you know_, I asked it back, _it is not like I had done anything even remotely sexual_. "Alice says they will not be back until late Sunday, so don't worry dad - my virtue will be safe." Maybe the sarcasm was not necessary, but it was kind of silly to think that I would do anything. Both Charlie and I were not big talkers so the phone conversation dwindled after that.

I don't know where Alice got her ideas of what a sleepover should be but I don't think it was from practical experience. Not that I was the expert on sleepovers or anything but it usually involved watching a movie, doing make-up, braiding hair, doing nails, and if things got really exciting a game of truth or dare. It did not involve doing everything on that list all on one night.

After my late afternoon meal Alice and I parked ourselves in front of the television again for another movie. Fortunately I had seen _The Breakfast Club_ before, because otherwise I would not have been able to follow the plot. Alice started with what she called her experimental phase, she needed to know which foundation would work the best with my skin.

"Not that you need all that much foundation, you have such beautiful skin, but it makes it so much easier to apply makeup properly," she told me as she cleared off another round of lotions or potions from my face.

"Yeah that is one thing I got lucky on," other than a little breakout that happens around my period, I had absolutely no problem with zits. "My mother used to complain that she was in her thirties and had more pimples than her teenage daughter."

Alice laughed along with me, a beautiful tinkling bell like sound that made my own laugh sound like a choking cat. "Now would you stop squirming, this does not hurt. Oh he is kind of cute," she spent half a second looking at the actor on the screen before turning back to me. I was not allowed to move enough to see who she was talking about, as Alice brought out another set of bottles.

It took her half to movie to finally find the perfect combination of powder and liquid foundation. My relief at being done did not last very long as I realized that this meant she would not apply the makeup; that took up nearly the other half of the movie.

"We will have to get you some fake eyelashes, that will really bring out your eyes." She told me while applying mascara for what felt like the fifth time this evening. I tried to keep in my laugh, considering she currently had a pointy thing really close to my eyes it would not have been healthy for me to make any sudden moves.

Finally I could not stand it any longer and moved away from her just seconds before I started giggling, "Alice, I will never be coordinated enough to manage to apply fake eyelashes." Alice laughed along with me, and I could not help but tease her a little bit, "so Alice, when do I get to do your makeup?" My attempts to keep a straight face were successful until I looked to see her reaction - that was when I lost all control again.

It was too bad I did not have a camera, because I could have sent in a picture of Alice's expression so that the dictionary people could help describe what pure horror looked like.

"You think you are so funny, don't you Bella?" she asked with a glare sent in my direction. "Wait until you fall asleep tonight, you will be completely at my mercy," she told me with a huff.

"Alice I don't think I need to be asleep, you pretty much could do anything to me and there was nothing I could do about it," I pointed out the obvious.

"True," she said the word slowly while contemplating something else. "All right, let us wash this makeup all of and then it will be time for your facial." She hoped up with an excited clap of her hands and disappeared up the stairs.

The sky outside of the windows gotten progressively darker, there was no break in the relentless cloud cover. While Alice gathered the supplies of the next round of the perfect sleepover I walked over to the window to stare at the sky.

"Star light, star bright, first star I _don't_ see tonight..." I smiled at my own little joke. What would I wish for if the stars were visible tonight - at least I assumed they were out there beyond that oppressive cloud cover. One of my mother's old boyfriends was an avid outdoorsman, he spent his weekdays sitting behind a desk in a windowless cubicle. To make up for that, on the weekends he would make sure that there were no walls around him, when she was dating him my mother agreed and we had joined him on most of his trips. I was around eleven or twelve at the time, after the first trip I quickly came to realized that sleeping on a bed inside of a nice air-conditioned house was what I preferred to do. I had thrown several fits regarding this but my mother was relentless in her duty to make me appreciate mother nature - there was only one thing that I truly enjoyed. When my mother and Simon, her boyfriend, had finally fell asleep I would sneak out of my sleeping bag and go find a large boulder that still retained the warmth of the sun. I would scramble up the rock, often scratching up my hands and knees, but it would be worth it. For hours I would lay there staring up at the sky, in Phoenix there was too much light pollution to see all the stars, but outside of civilization the stars of the Milky Way shone so bright you could almost read a book by their light. I could imagine that I was the only human being left on the planet. I even made plans of what I would do if that was the case - it usually involved gathering all the canned food I could find and moving into a library.

One time I had found a library book on identifying the constellations but it was trickier than I had anticipated. The summer came and as the weather started to get hot my mother lost interest in spending time outside - both Simon and the camping trips were soon forgotten. I had only been in Forks for two weeks but I was starting to think that the plethora of stars were just a figment of my imagination, this place was going to slowly drive me insane. _You believe in the existence of blood drinking vampires, you may already be insane_.

"Bella," the voice was not Alice's twinkling clear voice but the much deeper sound of Carlisle. I turned around with a great deal of caution, how was I supposed to treat Carlisle: my doctor? a scary vampire? I had dealt with the parents of my friends but in this instance Alice was not exactly a kid.

"Yes Dr. Cullen," he may have asked me to call him by his first name but at this point it would not hurt to be as respectful as possible. If Carlisle was really four hundred years old he would have spend the majority of his life in times when you never called people by their first name.

"Are you all right? Is your wrist bothering you?" he looked me up and down with an assessing gaze. Since the day of the accident the dull throbbing pain had never completely gone away but it was something I could live with, lost in my memories I had almost forgotten about it. Now that he pointed it out my entire body decided to mount a rebellion, it was going to make me notice the abuse I had subjected it to lately. My feet ached from all the running around we had done at the mall, my shoulder was aching especially in the vicinity of the straps that attached to the sling that my right wrist rested in, and quite frankly I had enough broken bones to know that it was best to spend some time with your broken part held above your heart so that blood would not pool in the region. On top of that I felt the bands of muscle starting to tighten across my forehead and neck, signaling the onset of a headache. As much as I loved Alice the strain of having to interact with another human, well not exactly human in this case, but nonetheless dealing with people did not come easily to me and it took a certain amount of concentration to maintain the facade. I was not being ungrateful, it was fun spending time with Alice, but it might be better in the future is I limit myself to smaller doses.

As I was categorizing my aches and pains Carlisle had come closer to me, but he still stayed a good three yards or so back from me. The concern was evident in his face and I felt bad about making him worry.

"I am fine," but my voice did not come out as reassuring as I would have liked, rolling my shoulder to try to relieve some of the knotted muscles I gave him my best smile. Carlisle was not a fool and did not buy my poor attempts at covering up my sudden exhaustion.

"Bella," my name came out as a combination of amusement and exasperation. He sounded and looked like a frustrated father dealing with a cranky toddler. "Alice is our resident energizer bunny, she will not stop. Esme was worried that she would wear you out and I think she was right."

"Carlisle, you ruin all my fun," I heard Alice whine, but the exaggerated pout made me feel a little better. "Ooooh, bubble bath time. Esme can I borrow your new bath salts?"

"She has a cast on Alice," Carlisle interrupted her plans before I could say anything.

"That is all right, she needs to keep it elevated for a while anyway so she can put it on the side of the tub," Alice was taking over again, I tried to protest but to no avail. She was determined.

It was past eleven by the time I finally settled in the living room again with my pillows and blankets. Esme had re-braided my hair so that it would be easier for me to comb it out in the morning, Alice had provided me with a pair of pajamas and Carlisle insisted that I take the pain medication he provided for me. "This will help you sleep more soundly, if you are not getting enough sleep your body will not heal as quickly," he gave me the small white pill and some water to swallow it with.

Alice had put on her pajamas as well, I have no idea why, considering she did not sleep. She was currently making a little nest of pillows for herself, a look of concentration on her face. I snuggled under my blanket and waited for the pain meds to kick in so that I could relax enough to fall asleep.

"So Bella, do you want to play truth or dare?" Alice asked as she finished settling in.

I rolled my eyes, seriously she relied too heavily on television to tell her what constituted a sleepover. "Yeah sure Alice, let us sneak out an TP someone's house," the sarcasm was think in my tone. "Oh how about your boyfriend's house?"

Alice looked confused for a moment before she opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted her before she could say anything.

"Yeah you are right, Esme would be pissed if we got TP all over her trees," considering Jasper was her boyfriend, our prank would consist of putting toilet paper all over the house we were currently in. Plus Jasper would not be back until tomorrow afternoon so he would not get to enjoy the full glory of the prank.

She gave me a sly look that I did not trust, "so how about we go prank the boy you have a crush on?"

I felt a blush cover my face, unfortunately with my hair braided and pulled back I could not hide behind the shield of my hair. "What makes you think I have a crush on anyone?" my attempt at lying was pathetic, even to my own ears.

Alice just pretended I had not said anything as she continued speculating, "now let me see. Who do you like? You already said it was not Mike. Oh I know, how about Tyler? I noticed he was especially nice to you yesterday at school."

"Yeah maybe he feels bad about nearly killing me? It is a large leap to go from pity to interested party." Tyler was especially nice yesterday, offering to carry my tray for me at lunch. I had not paid too much attention to him, I had been too busy trying to hide from all the eyes in the cafeteria. Being the new girl brought a certain level of interest from the student population, but being the new girl who was nearly killed apparently guaranteed that practically ever member of the student body now had to monitor my every breath.

"Oh I know, how about Eric?" Alice continued trying to figure out my crush. "Come on Bella this is truth or dare you have to tell me the truth."

I rolled my eyes, "like I told you this morning Alice, I have been in Forks for two weeks. Because of this broken wrist I missed almost a week of school. How could I possibly have gotten to know anyone well enough to know whether I liked them or not?" Ok so I might have a book that tells me all about a certain family, including their only single member, but Alice did not know about that part.

"Oh so did leave a boyfriend or someone special behind in Phoenix?" Alice continued her investigation.

The drugs were starting to kick in, and my eyelids were starting to feel heavy. My mind was slowing down as well, so I was not as cautious with my words as I would have liked. "No I have never felt like this before."

* * *

A/N: I would like to say a big thanks to everyone who reviewed, put on on alert and favorited the story. I loved it. I tried to personally write back to all your reviews but something was messed up on the website and it would not allow for it.

For those who asked or hinted : Yes Bella and Edward will interact with each other, at some point, but I don't know if Edward has made up his mind regarding what he is going to do about Bella yet. I don't know if he has even figured out his feeling in that regard. We all know that he is somewhat indecisive when it comes to her.

Thanks again for everyone who reviewed, tell me your thoughts and where you want to see this story go. I am trying to move away from the original plot without changing the character's personalities or the outside things that happen.

Happy Reading,

LW


	8. Movie Night

Chapter 8 - The Cullen Family

As the weeks passed I settled into a fairly predictable routine, I was not going to say that Forks was the best place to live but it was not as horrible as I had originally anticipated. Alice just had pretty much made a habit of taking me to and from school in the silver volvo. My truck sat in the driveway, I used it no more than two to three times a week.

The rides to school were filled with Alice trying to educate me in music, I can safely say that her taste in music was varied. I was still a little scared of Jasper; the memory of him in full threat mode was kind of hard to forget. The book had been right about his empathic abilities as well because by the time I settled in the car I would be unnaturally relaxed - more relaxed than I had ever been in a social situation, it was a good indication that Jasper was doing his magic. Once at school Alice and I went our separate ways, despite the fact that this was a small school and we were both juniors much to my regret we did not have one class together.

The rest of the family took Rosalie's red car, it was a very pretty and sleek looking BMW but it was hard to see why in the world most of the boys in school spent all their free time lusting after it. Rosalie was not all that disturbed by the fawning over her car, in fact she looked like she enjoyed the attention. I know several of the other girls, including Jessica were starting to complain that the lack of boys. Initially I had been sympathetic, since I knew what it was like to love someone who never even looked at you, but it soon became apparent that it was not one boy's attention she wanted - Jessica was one of those girls that craved the spotlight. It was kind of difficult to feign empathy after that point.

There was never an invitation during lunch to join the Cullen table for lunch, it hurt my feelings a little but I understood the reason. Deep down I was somewhat relieved in not having to sit with the rest of the family, especially Edward. I could not imagine what I would do if I had to sit across from him - _probably throw up._

Some days Alice would join me at the table that I shared with Jessica, Angela and Mike. I noticed that this usually coincided with the times when Jasper's eyes were light and golden, it was best not to comment on such things. Alice and I had come to an unspoken agreement - she would not tell me about how she knew certain things and I would not tell her my source.

"It is so nice that you are able to tear yourself away from you 'real' friends," Jessica had noticed the arrangement and was not to pleased about it. I could not decide if she was jealous because of my friendship with Alice or the fact that Mike payed attention to me as opposed to Jessica. " It is an honor that you can grace us with your presence," she continued with a sneer.

Before I could come up with some excuse Mike had jumped down her throat, "I invited Bella to have lunch with us." As he gave me a reassuring smile, I could only sigh in response. It was hard to maintain the balance between being grateful to him for standing up for me and making sure that he understood that we could never be more than friends. After that day Jessica would occasionally throw a dirty look in my direction and make comments to Lauren under her breath, but she never again came out and said anything. I considered moving to another table to eat lunch but Angela was nice and it would have been rude to just leave her behind. I did notice that when others were not listening to her, Jessica would suddenly become more friendly towards me.

Lauren had also joined our table as well as Tyler, it was getting kind of crowded but so long as I kept my head down and read my books most people left me alone.

My afternoons were divided between my house and the Cullen home. When we were at the Cullen house I learned to hide out in Carlisle's office, he even offered to let me borrow some of his books. After a closer inspection I declined to do so, his books might have been interesting but there were too many first editions among them. I would not risk books that valuable, so I brought my own, they might have seen better days but they were also the ones you could replace for less than ten dollars. When he was home, Carlisle would try to teach me how to play chess; I was beyond moved by his patience as he showed me strategy after strategy. It was not that I was necessarily avoiding Alice, just at times it was nice to take a break from her high energy.

"If you are going to spend any time among this family, which if Alice has anything to do with it you will, then you must learn a few skills." Carlisle told me with a smile when I was ready to give up, "this just takes practice and a little bit of cunning." A warm feeling settled in my chest when he told me that, Alice had seen me being part of this family at least in some capacity.

Charlie started to complain about the amount of time I spent socializing citing a concern about my grades. He quickly quieted down when I told him that Alice was the reason I was doing so well in Trig.

"Unless you want to help me with my math homework?" I had asked him, fortunately for both of us he did not call my bluff. It would have been beyond painful to be a junior in high school with my dad helping me with my homework. Renee had not helped me since the fifth grade, that was when we had unsuccessfully tried to build a volcano.

One thing Charlie was not complaining about was the food I brought home - Esme would cook for us several times a week. Normally I enjoyed cooking but because of my broken wrist it was a bit harder for me to prepare meals. I had finally learned to manipulate my hand well enough to be able to drive my truck but cutting things up was still somewhat of a challenge. So I would help Esme cook by gathering up ingredients and stirring, while she did all the cutting. Not that using a knife in a house full of vampires was a good idea even when both of my hands were fully functional.

When Emmett was especially bored and needed entertaining he would drag me away to play a video games with him. He seemed to be particularly fond of one called Grand Theft Auto, the point was to steal cars and avoid the police. I would never admit this especially not to Emmett, but secretly I really enjoyed stealing the beat up station wagon and heading down the back country roads at full speed while Patsy Cline sang about cigarettes.

"Why is it that you need to drive cars that are older than your grandfather?" Emmett asked me after I had stolen the third beat up truck in a row.

"Maybe I just like older things," I teased back, going so far as to give him a wink. He was that older brother I never had, the one that could never take anything seriously - with probably the sole exception being when someone picks on one of his sisters. Was it wrong that I wanted to be on the list of sisters he protected?

The double meaning was not lost on Emmett and he laughed so loud that Esme came rushing down the stairs to see what was going on.

It was somewhat amusing how little it took to frustrate Emmett, for example when I was not driving fast enough or being destructive enough for his taste. "Bella you need to get more stars," he used to tell me. I think Emmett had to go to the store at least once a week to replace the game controller he threw at the wall when things did not go his way.

Even though the word vampire was never mentioned, the family members that I interacted with including Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper treated me like I knew the secret. They did not pretend to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom for my sake but they did stay at human speed. Well all except Emmett, he enjoyed showing off his vampire skills, especially since he realized how easily I was startled. He was much more overt about it than the other members of the family, but it was not a surprise - well it was a surprise when he lifted the couch I was sitting on with one hand, but lifting furniture to distract you from the game you were trying to play was something completely expected from Emmett. It was one thing to read about their capabilities in a book and a completely other thing to be sitting there minding your own business and all of a sudden being six feet high in the air. Anyone would have let out a little scream.

Jasper would join us at times, especially when Emmett was trying to be truly obnoxious. I really appreciated the waves of calm he would send out - Emmett would get a little too excited at times and almost forget the fact that I was not a vampire.

Even though I did not enjoy video games that much for the first time in my life I felt like there was a place for me in the world. I no longer felt like an old soul trapped in the body of a teenager because I was surrounded by people who were just like me. Well maybe not Emmet - he was more along the lines of a six year old stuck in a twenty year old's body.

After reading the books I had fallen in love with the Cullen family, but the reality of them went beyond the books - Carlisle's compassion, was in my opinion not properly addressed. I began to slowly but surely understand what it meant to be part of such a large family, it had its ups and downs. I spent some time with Charlie but he was always working or fishing - a hobby that I could not really get that enthusiastic about. I loved my father, but he did not need me for anything more than dinner once a day or a couple of loads of laundry. My mother would call me but she kept busy with her own life - now I knew what empty nest felt like.

* * *

I also learned first hand that things at the Cullen house were not always perfect. One rainy Thursday afternoon I was spending my time in a comfortable chair curled up with a copy of Macbeth, the play had my attention so it took a great deal of noise to break my concentration. It was easy for me to get lost in a book and ignore everything else around me.

I could not make out the words of the argument but the tone was obvious, Alice was seriously pissed off and frustrated. She might have used the word stubborn and pig headed but there was no way to be certain. Edward was angry as well but there might have been a hint of desperation, he was the other shouting voice. It was pretty sad that I had spoken twice to him in my entire life and I could so clearly recognize his voice.

For a few minutes I sat in my chair and just tried unsuccessfully to make out the words, it sounded like they were coming from downstairs. Carlisle was still at the hospital and Esme had gone to the grocery store to get some more cocoa for the brownies she was making for a local fundraiser. The debate did not seem to be settling down, in fact it sounded like it was getting more heated by the minute, so I reluctantly decided to head downstairs to see if I could help.

In retrospect it was not the best course of action: what could a human girl do to arbitrate a discussion between two vampires? Currently it did not occur to me that I was useless, instead I was focused on stopping the fighting. This family was starting to be far too valuable to me, and I would not allow them to fight.

By the time I stomped down to the bottom of the stairs I had talked myself into a decent temper. There had to be a way to make them understand how amazing their family was, and how rare it was to find one that was this dedicated.

Despite my tempter I had been careful doing down the stairs, it would not be a good plan to break something else. I still had at least two more weeks with this cast, so it payed to be cautious. The slow pace that I was forced to take did not help with my tempter, righteous indignation was on my side and I was fully prepared to unleash it on the foolish immortals.

I lost a lot of steam when I got to the living room, there was Alice doing her nails. Of course Edward was nowhere in sight, he had gone out of his way to avoid me - again. I knew it probably had to do with the fact that I smelled especially tasty to him but I could not help but take is personally. What was wrong with me? I did not need him to become my lover, I would have settled for friendship. Anything so long as I could stay near him. I took a deep breath, this was not about me maybe they were done talking. _Yeah right, Bella you know he refuses to be in the same room with you unless absolutely necessary._

Alice looked up with a polite smile that quickly morphed into pity, I guess it was easy to read my hurt feelings. My mother had always told me I was an open book.

"Bella?" her voice was soft and unsure. That just made things worse, Alice was always certain.

"I...I just need to go, could you give me a ride?" I was blinking rapidly to stop the tears. Every time he did not look at me, every minute he spent turned away from me in Biology class was another little slight and this was the final straw. I needed to get myself together, if I was going to be friends with Alice I should get used to the fact that her brother was determined to ignore me. Even if it did bother me, I needed to push it down so that no one saw the pain. Currently I needed to leave this house so that I could go back home and lick my wounds in private. Maybe I could read the books again and escape to the place where Edward loved me.

A look of concentration came onto Alice's face, there was a gleam in her eye that scared me. "Did you not promise to help Esme bake? I know she loves it when you two cook together."

Alice certainly knew how to manipulate me and the guilt immediately rose to my throat. "Yeah I promised, it is just..."

"She will be home in a few minutes, you will be able to wait and tell her why you are bailing," Alice continued inspecting her already perfect nails.

I heaved a sigh knowing what Alice had done but unable to resist, "I will stay. No one else helps her in the kitchen." It was a cheap shot on my part, but Alice had not been playing nice either. Alice just laughed at me and gave me a quick hug before heading upstairs. I followed at a much slower pace, gathering up my book while I waited for Esme to come back. This time the tragedy of Macbeth was not able to hold my attention, instead I thought about ...well the person I spent most of my time thinking about. Initially I had considered telling them about the books, so that they could be warned about the troubles that were about to come. The decision to keep the Cullen family out of the loop was a hard one to make, there was a reason other than embarrassment - Edward could read everyone's mind and so if he ever met Aro that could lead to problems. This way the knowledge of the books and the possibility of someone knowing about vampires would be kept away from the Volturi. If I did things right I could avoid most of the problems. All I had to do was not be out playing baseball in the middle of a thunderstorm and then I would be able to avoid meeting James. That should prevent a whole chain of events, including the one where we draw the attention of the Volturi.

That did not seem that hard of a plan, I did not care for thunderstorms or baseball.

It was almost a relief when Esme came back, concentrating on measuring out the right ingredients was a welcome distraction from my own thoughts.

Esme noticed that something was bothering me as I melted the chocolate and cocoa using hot water, "are you feeling alright?" She used that motherly tone, the one that was a combination of love and concern - the tone of voice that was hard to resist.

Luckily for me we were interrupted by a loud rumbling that indicated Emmett was home. Less than a minute later a very excited looking Emmett was entering through the kitchen door. "MOM, I am home," he said in a booming voice.

I could not help but smile, at times he acted like a six year old kid. It was hard to remember that he was a deadly vampire.

"Good afternoon Emmett," Esme said on a sigh, she turned away from him so I was the only one who noticed her smiling and rolling her eyes. I tried to keep myself from laughing, it would not be a good thing to encourage him.

"We finally found it," he said holding out a bag with what looked like a DVD case inside. "You would not believe how many places we had to try before we found a place that actually had it."

"That would not have been an issue if you had not broken our last copy." Rosalie told him entering the kitchen. She did not even acknowledge my presence, but that was not surprising. Not every member of the family welcomed me with open arms. Whenever I was around Rosalie would mumble dark things under her breath and throw the occasional deadly glare in my direction; usually a great deal of effort would be exerted on my part to make sure that we were never alone together. I would be lying if I said it did not bother me, but I could understand her view - she wanted to protect her family's secrets and it bothered her to no end that I knew them.

"You have never done movie night with us, this will be so much fun." Emmett told me before heading out the doorway towards the living room. Rosalie followed at a more moderate pace, still not looking at me.

Less than a minute later Emmett stuck his head through the door, "don't forget to make the popcorn."

"Why don't you make it yourself, if you want some," Esme replied. I would not have been more shocked had Emmett showed up with blue hair. What the hell did vampires need popcorn for? Maybe the book was wrong and they could eat some things.

"They like popcorn for their movie night," Esme explained as she pulled a huge popcorn popper out of the pantry. "Would you please get me the bowls they are...oh yes thank you Bella." She noticed that I had grabbed the stash of mixing bowls.

Half an hour and everyone with the glaring exception of Edward was sitting in front of the television. The last batch of brownies were baking in the oven and I was still confused as to why everyone had a large bowl of popcorn in their laps.

"Where is Edward?" Carlisle asked, his forehead creased with concern.

"Don't worry Carlisle, he will be here," Alice replied with a smile that did not reach hey eyes. For a moment I wondered if his absence was due to me but then there was a soft tread on the stairs.

Edward was just coming down the stairs, his bare feet appeared first making me aware of the fact that he was not even wearing socks. His body had not escaped my notice but I had not had the opportunity to truly ogle him - it would not be considered suspicious if I stared at him now, everyone else in the room had turned to face him when we first notice he was coming.

He was moving very slowly, his steps looked reluctant and cautious. His long jean clad legs were taking the stairs only one step at time, I got the impression that this was not his usual speed. He was wearing a long sleeve cream colored shirt that was not overly tight but nevertheless showed off his perfect shoulders.

"Edward, come make yourself comfortable," Esme's greeting was a little too enthusiastic. Plus they were vampires, they were always comfortable - except when in the presence of a tasty human. I immediately felt guilty for making him uneasy in his own home. The feeling did not last long as I felt Jasper send out a wave of calm. Edward sat down on one of the beanbags, he murmured something in Esme's direction but it was too quiet for me to hear. It was hard not to notice that he was as far away from me as possible, Jasper's waves of calm kept me reacting naturally to this observation.

The movie picked by Emmett had no real plot to speak of. It mainly consisted of a guy that looked good half dressed and was very lucky at dodging bullets. At least he would have looked good had I not been surrounded by a bunch of perfect vampires. I soon found out that the battles on the TV were nothing compared to the ones in the living room, the book had not made a mistake. Vampires did not eat popcorn. Instead they threw it - movie night turned out to be an excuse for a popcorn fight. Even Carlisle and Esme joined in the war, there were no real sides it was every one for themselves.

Emmett really got me good but I promised retribution. "I don't know when or how it is going to happen but one day I will get my revenge."

All he did was laugh, it did not help that I tripped in the middle of my threat. Even Rosalie had joined in the laughter, pointing out that my threats would be more effective if I did not have popcorn all over my hair. For a moment I was distracted from my diabolical plots by the fact that Rosalie was sort of interacting with me, and being nice about it.

I tried to brush some of the popcorn out of my hair but it would probably require a shower to get it all. I might have been embarrassed but it was worth it if it would help Rosalie accept me.

I noticed that Edward was not laughing, instead his face never left the tv screen. Not even once, and I was an authority on that because my eyes kept constantly going back to him. He had stayed quietly in a corner all night long, giving all his concentration to the move and not saying a word. At one point I was tempted to go over there and ask him what his problem was but that thought was quickly dismissed. I was not that brave.

At first Emmett had pummeled him with popcorn but it became no fun for Emmett when he realized that Edward was not going to react. His face was blank and emotionless, and it caused me physical pain to see him so cold. I wanted my vibrant and happy Edward, not this marble statue. A new though suddenly occurred to me: was he suffering this much because I was around? was my scent that horribly painful? I took a deep breath as pain shot through my chest. Just the thought of him hurting caused me pain.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Jasper whispered close to my ears, but of course every vampire heard his question.

"Does your wrist hurt?" Carlisle asked with concern, his eyes examining me.

"Maybe you exerted yourself trying to help me bake all those brownies," Esme added abandoning her bowl to sit down next to me and place a comforting hand around me. I wanted to scream at them, why did they not help Edward? He was hurt and they did nothing, I could handle the pain so long as he was happy.

I faked a smile and rubbed my chest a little bit, trying to make the pain around my heart recede. "I am fine thank you, just a pinched nerve or something in my chest."

"It could the sling putting a strain on your shoulder muscles." Carlisle was giving me his doctor look, trying to diagnose my problem.

"I am fine," I murmured as quietly as possible, turning back to face the television screen hoping that everyone else would get the hint.

Unfortunately for me Carlisle could not leave it alone, he meant well but that did not make being the center of attention less embarrassing. "It could be a little bit of Chostochondritis," Carlisle suggested, "does it hurt when you take a deep breath?"

"I am fine," I told him yet again, this time eliciting a smile from Carlisle.

"Maybe you hurt yourself throwing the popcorn," Emmett suggested with a laugh.

I really wished I was the type of girl who flipped people off because that would have been the appropriate response at this point. Instead I gave him an ineffectual glare which caused him to laugh so hard that he nearly dropped his bowl. It was hard not to smile at him, Emmett was good at making you feel better. I felt my eyes moving towards Edward but I made myself promise to stop staring at him, at least for tonight. It was a testament to my stubbornness that I was able to keep that promise. Because of the length of the movie Alice drove me home a little later than usual that night.

"We will be gone this weekend for a family camping trip," Alice casually told me as we drove down her driveway. "Everyone is going to be gone so you will have to drive yourself to school tomorrow."

"Oh," came my stellar reply. "Well I hope you have fun?" My words came out more like a question. My reply caused a burst of tinkling laughter out of Alice.

"Are you sure you can drive?" Alice asked suddenly worried.

It was my turn to laugh at her, "don't worry Alice, I have been taking care of myself for quite a while now."

"Yes I can see how well you do that," she told me while pointedly looking at my cast. Her pointing out my clumsiness would have been uncomfortable under any circumstance but combine that with the fact that she was speeding down the road - well let us just say my heart was getting a good workout.

"Watch the road," I nearly shouted, her driving was going to kill me. I was either going to have a heart attack or she was going to wrap us around a tree. We hit the main road and the forest around us became a dark blur. Alice no longer tried to reassure me about he driving skills and I kept my complaints down to one a day.

* * *

Family members had gone on hunting trips before but they had never all left me, I knew I was overreacting but it felt like they were abandoning me. This is how I woke up on Friday morning and things just seemed to get worse from there. Staying up late thinking about Edward the night before meant that I pushed the snooze button a few too many times - so I was running late. Couple that with the fact that I had a cast on and I was a total klutz equated to large bruises on both my knees. At least it had been on the sidewalk so I did not get my jeans muddy.

The rules of physics seemed to be malfunctioning because time seemed to crawl by all morning long. Trig was horrible, I even had to go up to the board to answer a question; I was so nervous that I completely forgot everything Alice and I had been learning. There was a pop quiz in English which would have been a breeze had my right hand been functioning, instead I had to attempt writing legibly with my left hand.

The cafeteria seemed like an oasis, until I entered the place and automatically looked towards the Cullen table. Of course Edward was not here, I reminded myself that I knew this was the truth.

After being questioned by Jessica regarding why the Cullen family was skipping Mike took his turn with me. He wanted to know if I was joining them on their First Beach trip, it took me a minute to connect why that was significant - I was supposed to meet Jacob Black there, at least meet him again. Trying to be diplomatic I attempted to give him a vague answer commit citing Alice as my excuse. I did not know what I should do with Jake, he seemed like an awesome friend to have but at the same time I was not going to drag him into this and break his heart.

"Oh don't worry about it, you can bring Alice," Mike told me with a wave of his hand.

"I can't really decide for her," I tried to be polite, at the same time knowing there is no way she would ever go. First Beach is werewolf territory and it would break treaty for a Cullen to go there.

There was one good thing about the Cullen family being out of town, I had too much free time and did not want to think about things so I cooked, cleaned and did my homework. Come Saturday night the house was spotless, I had finished a good portion of my English assignment and all the laundry was done. My only concern was how to distract myself all day Sunday.

My wrist and shoulder were really starting to ache so I took a long shower hoping to ease some of the tension in my muscles and settled into bed with one of the books. Alice was not here so there was no need to worry about getting caught with my reading material, but I made sure the curtains were closed just in case.

"Bella, what is wrong?" I had been so absorbed in the book that my father's heavy footsteps coming up the stairs had gone unheard. Looking up into his concerned brown eyes that matched my own, I scrambled to find an explanation for the tears in my eyes.

"Oh nothing," I rubbed my arm across my face trying to hid the tears, but it was no use, "just reading a really sad part of a book." I made sure that my arm was still covering my eyes when I told him the lie.

"Oh all right," the discomfort in his voice made me almost smile, he really did not like emotional situations. "Don't stay up too late," he added as a fatherly afterthought, he must have forgotten that it was the weekend. He mumbled something about going fishing early with a friend tomorrow and quickly escaped.

The truth of the matter was that I was not reading a sad part of a book, it was actually a beautiful part of the story. This was the chapter where I married Edward; but it might be considered sad by some since it was not going to happen. "How can I be good enough?" I mumbled out loud to myself. He had not so much as looked in my direction in nearly four weeks, my already low self esteem had been obliterated. Just one look of encouragement, that is all I would have needed to...well I don't know what I would have done if he did that.

_Probably nothing_, a pessimistic voice in the back of my head pointed it out, unfortunately that was probably the truth. Most of my effort and concentration during Biology and lunch were spent _not_ looking at Edward. I even succeeded in this endeavor most of the time, but occasionally when I was not concentrating my body would betray me and it would turn in his direction without my permission. I think Alice suspected something, she kept dropping hints and would often have this amused look on her face but she never came out and said anything.

So that is how I had been spending the weeks, not looking at Edward, but that did not stop my thoughts. I blushed just thinking about my fantasies, it was a good thing he could not read my mind because he would have been just as disgusted with my thoughts. Not that my fantasies were anything but PG-13, I was very sheltered in that way and while I had made sure to know the technicalities of sex I had absolutely no personal experience.

I finished my chapter, smiling through my tears and dreamed of my wedding day. Yes Isabella Marie Swan the girl who had been trained from birth by her mother to not even think about getting married until I was forty was currently picturing walking down the isle. I was beginning to suspect that I was already lost, the truth of the matter was that more than likely Edward Anthony Cullen already owned my heart and soul. Some might call me an emotional teenager, but I knew how I felt. This all consuming emotion had grabbed a hold of me and was never going to let go.

"I am such a fool," I could not decide which was worse, falling in love with a predator? or giving your love when there was no chance of it being returned? The frustrated tears started piling up behind my eyelids again, and I quickly squeezed my eyes shut hoping to make them stop. I wished it was possible to ask someone's advice? If my mother found out how I felt about a boy she would drop everything and be on the first flight to Forks. She would protect me from myself and take me away from this place. Had you asked me a month ago I would have laughed at the thought that I desperately wanted to stay in Forks, but that was before Edward.

I heaved a tired sigh that came out almost like a sob and decided it would be best to put away my book and turn off the light before Charlie came in here. I doubted he would believe my weak lie of reading something sad a second time around. I pulled the box out from under my bed and gently put the book away with the rest. Putting my my bleak thoughts away was not as easy as hiding the book, so I spent several more hours tossing and turning trying to go to sleep. I finally got up and pulled the curtains open, there were of course no stars to be seen, the only light was given off by the streetlight on the other side of the road.

There was a movement in the trees, but I had only caught it on the periphery of my vision. "Yeah Bella, you are going crazy. Forks has finally gotten to you." _It could be one of the Cullens_, that pesky voice pointed out. My heart started beating extra fast, could it be Edward? But that was not possible, all the Cullens had gone hunting this weekend. Edward was not outside of my bedroom watching over me as I slept, even though I wished he was.

I realized that I had allowed myself to hope when I felt myself fall back to reality, the combination sleepless nights and unrequited love finally got to me. I rushed over to my bed and threw myself at the pillow, maybe it would muffle the sobs. "Foolish Bella, you are not good enough for him," I mumbled into my pillow. I know the books had said he loved me but there was no reason for someone that perfect to love me. He was amazing inside and out, while I was the imperfect little mortal.

* * *

A/N: So what happened was ...umm. I was supposed to have this out last week but I kind of have been slacking off. Sorry gals, I will try to be better next time. On a happy note Reviews! thanks so much for them. I was going to write you back but the website is acting crabby and is not letting me answer :(. I love hearing from you. Criticism is welcome, unless you want to complain about my run on sentences (yes I know I have them, and this is probably one of them).

I know I have been dragging my feet when it comes to Edward and Bella, I promise to give them some time together soon. It was supposed to happen this chapter but other things go in the way, like Emmett and his popcorn fight.

Someone asked if Bella would have the guts to ask Edward to the dance as much fun as that would be to write I don't think Bella is brave enough to do that.

I was going to be cruel and say that if you review I will tell you what Alice and Edward were fighting about but you can probably guess that it was Bella of course.


	9. Confrontation

Chapter 9 - Confrontation

There are very few feelings worse than waking up after crying yourself to sleep. My awkward position when falling asleep had guaranteed that every little part of my body ached, my eyes felt gritty and puffy while my nose was not done leaking yet. I was not normally a morning person but this was worse than usual, had it not been for my insistent bladder I would have just pulled the pillow over my head and hid from the world for a few more hours.

I pulled the curtain back on my bedroom window, the dark clouds in the sky were expected if not welcome by now. There was no chance of even being able to see a glimmer of sunshine. "Good morning, Forks," I mumbled under my breath as I grabbed my bathroom bag. I could not decide if I wanted another shower, since I took one last night it was not really necessary for me to get clean but it might help remove the tension from all my sore muscles.

I nearly screamed when I looked myself in the mirror - what a complete mess. My eyes were still red because of my lack of proper sleep as well as all the crying I had done last night. My hair was a tangled mess, one spot on the left side of my head was especially bad - that must have been the part mashed up against my pillow. These were the times when my humanity really became apparent, Alice's hair I was willing to bet never had strand out of place.

I finally decided to tackle my hair instead of a shower, taking out my frustration on it might not have been the best of plans - and I might end up with a really sore scalp - but in the end my hair would be detangled. Thourouhly brushing my teeth and scrubbing away the last signs of sleep from my face, I took my toiletries back to my room.

My poor quality of sleep meant that it was past noon when I finally trudged downstairs to eat my breakfast. The house was completely silent, Charlie was gone of course, fishing again with some friends down from the Rez. I considered trying to come up with some sort of plan on how to deal with the neighboring wolves, but quickly veered away from that line of thinking. My mind was human and not vampire, I could only focus on one problem at a time. For a minute the thought of making a list was tempting but it would be impossible to explain if Charlie ever found it - or come to think of it Alice might see.

Maybe I could make a mental list instead, that way I could keep my secrets. One, how was I going to deal with the Cullens, as selfish as this sounded I wanted to be part of their family in one capacity or another. Two, what was I going to do about the wolves in the area, there had to be a way to prevent the animosity between the two groups of supernatural beings that inhabited this small region. And the third and most imminent problem, the one I was going to have to figure out soon - James and Victoria, they would have to be avoided at all cost.

I considered telling Alice, maybe she would be able to see something more precise about when they were going to get here and how best to avoid them - but that might be a bad plan. She was already suspicious because I knew about the world of vampires, but that could be attributed to the fact that I had an overactive imagination or that I was observant. If I started mentioning, by name, the group of nomads that are about to descend on Forks things might be a little bit harder to explain away. I sure as heck did not want to have to share the books with her, those were my private thoughts - well sort of my thoughts, the girl in the book acted pretty much like I would have in those situations. It was tantamount to sharing my diary, something I wanted avoided right now. There had to a way to avoid the human drinking vampires, maybe if I stayed inside for a while - faked a case of mono?

"You would have to kiss someone first in order to catch mono." I murmured to myself. This habit of speaking aloud had gotten worse over the past few months, it really came out when I was stressed but there was a bigger problem to worry about. I had made myself some cereal for breakfast but it really was not sitting well on my stomach, so after a few bites I decided that this was all I was going to consume for breakfast.

"Well two problems really, how to avoid getting killed by psychotic vampire..." walking over to the sink and dumping the rest of my uneaten cereal before rinsing the plate clean I turned and ran into a solid wall. Well it felt like a solid wall but I was pretty sure that there had not been one there a few seconds ago.

"What the.." I lifted my good hand to rub my nose when it became apparent that it was not my usual clumsy self that made me run into a wall in the kitchen. This was not a wall...it was a chest... a solid chest whose owner I immediately recognized. "Ed...Edward?" I knew it was him but his name came out as a question. My mind was still trying to process how he had appeared in my kitchen just now.

He was not paying any attention to me instead he grabbed both my upper arms and instantly I found myself backed up into a corner of the kitchen. The sudden movement combined with the abrupt appearance of the man who had occupied most of my thoughts and dreams for the past month threw off my already nonexistent balance.

Feeling suddenly dizzy I leaned back against the wall, trying to make my mind work. Unfortunately all it did was point out that my vision was starting to get grey around the edges.

I could see Edwards back in front of me, as well as hear the loud growling sound he made as he searched around the kitchen - my mind would not work well enough to determine what it was exactly that he was looking for. The only other dangerous creature in the kitchen was probably some of the dust bunnies in the corners.

The grey field around the edges of my eyes was starting to spread towards the center. My heart was hammering at an insane rate, it felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.

"Bella?" Edward had turned around and was now looking at me with an intensely worried look on his face. I could not seem to find the energy to tell him everything would be all right, my entire body seemed to be following my mind as it shut down. It was strange, his voice sounded like it was far away, or almost like I was listening to it from under water. Come to think of it everything felt like I was under water, even my body had that floaty feeling. The grey haze continued to creep across my field and vision, until suddenly I knew no more.

* * *

It was my ability to hear that came back first, but not my ability to interpret it. There were several voices around me, they were having what wounded like more than one conversation.

"She was worried about some vampire killing her," one voice pointed out with a great deal of worry and frustration in his tone.

"Ha, now you are going to have to explain your stalking." This voice was happy and laughing, a stark contrast to the previous one. It was also much louder than the first voice.

"I have been keeping an eye on her, all of a sudden her future which had been hazy at best completely disappeared," this voice was more tinkling, and at the back of my mind I knew it was familiar but I still could not place it.

"Are you sure she will be all right, she looks so pale." The concern was overwhelming coming, I wondered this person was worried about me. I tried to open my eyes to reassure them that I would be fine but my eyelids still felt too heavy.

"I don't know why we bother, the human is more trouble than she is worth," the derision in that voice made me ache, someone must have done something truly heinous to make the person hate them that much.

There was a deep growl, but then yet another voice interrupted. Just how many people were in the room with me. Last I could remember I was trying to eat cereal in my kitchen. "She must be regaining consciousness or at least she can hear us. Bella? Can you understand me?" My mind finally decided to start working and I recognized my favorite doctor's voice - Carlisle was with me.

"Hey Doc, what is going on?" I whispered, still too tired to open my eyes. My voice sounded too soft but with a vampire I am sure he still heard me.

"Bella, child don't scare me like that," recognizing Esme's soft voice and surprisingly her cool touch as she picked up my non-broken hand and rubbed it a little.

Taking a deep breath I gave into the inevitable and opened up my eyes - and nearly screamed. Carlisle, Esme, Edward and Alice were all above me, peering down with concern in their light amber eyes. Well all but Edward, his eyes looked a lot darker; they were pitch black as they stared down at me furiously searching my face.

My mind was still a little slow and therefore my brain filter was not working properly. I frowned in concern, "Edward why are your eyes that dark, didn't you get to catch a mountain lion or something?" I knew those were his favorites.

"Bella, what did you mean about a psychotic vampire out to kill you?" he asked ignoring my question. All of them standing above me were starting to make me feel nervous.

I wished they would back up a bit, but before I could open my mouth to say anything I heard Jasper's voice. I could not see him, but it was obvious he too was here - here being the Cullen living room. "Give her some room to breathe, you are all standing too close to her."

"What am I doing here?" I was pretty sure my last memory was of being in the kitchen washing out my cereal bowl.

"You fainted, and I brought you here so that Carlisle could make sure you are all right." Edward was not only talking to me, but he was also actually answering my question. Would wonders never cease, maybe I was dreaming.

Then I actually took in what he had said. A blush flooded my face, of course I fainted, that was such a Bella thing to do - Edward moved like a vampire and instead of doing something normal like asking him to slow down I pass out. I guess there was another thing to add to the list of things that made me lose consciousness - moving at vampire speed.

"By the way, why did you faint?" Edward quickly jumped to another topic of inquiry.

"I did not sleep well last night, and you moved me too fast. I got dizzy and then bye, bye." I told him with a shrug, that was pretty much that had happened. Though I did linger a little longer than usual in the in between.

"Did you have a vision or something?" Alice asked quietly.

"No, of course not. You are the only one who has visions," again my filter was not in place, things that should not be slipping out were coming out of my mouth at lightning speed. At this point I only hoped no one asked me how I felt about Edward.

"Then how did you know all these things?" Alice continued, but I noticed she had backed up a bit, just like her husband had asked.

_Mayday, mayday_ my inner voice screamed at me, _abort, abort._ It was then that I realized unless I wanted everyone to read Bella's diaries I would have to lie. That was not going to happen so I did the next best thing. "I plead the fifth."

"Bella, there are a lot of things at stake here, you need to tell us the truth." This was from Carlisle. Carlisle, was pushing me to reveal to them the books that would make my inner most thoughts and feelings available to every member of the family. Despite the fact that I knew he could not possibly know what he was asking me to do, I still felt the betrayal at his words.

"He is not trying to hurt you, he just wants to make sure you are all right. You are more prone to hurting yourself than most humans we know." Jasper's quiet voice was soothing, but he was also sending out calming vibes.

"She was probably out to get the family from the beginning, I say we question her properly and send her on her way." Rosalie gave her opinion, and a shudder of fear went through me as I considered what she would consider questioning me properly. Somehow I did not think breaking a few of my bones would be though of as excessive force if you asked her.

"Rosalie," Esme immediately jumped in with a severely scolding tone.

"What? It is not like she is part of the family," Rosalie's statement was nothing more than a sneer, but of course it still sounded beautiful.

I needed to get up and face her, it was hard having a conversation when half the people involved were not visible to me. I tried to push myself up into a sitting position, so that I could face her. Rosalie's dark glare burned into me from across the room, and I felt like a mouse trapped in the gaze of a snake. Her dark eyes were filled with nothing more than contempt and hatred. I knew she was dangerous, she was a vampire after all, but it was hard to look someone in the eye and realize that they would not be bothered by your death - in fact they were kind of hoping you would just jump off a cliff and disappear of the face of the earth. Heck the way Rosalie was looking at me, she was probably willing to give me that extra push just to hasten my exit from the planet.

I heard another low growl and Edward's broad back suddenly blocked my view of Rosalie, "why don't you leave?" I heard him say in a cold tone.

"Oh all right," the tears suddenly started to form behind my eyes. He wanted me gone, I was causing nothing but trouble for his family. The pain started in the center of my chest and expanded into my stomach. It was a good thing I had not eaten that much of my cereal because the nausea was overwhelming. I looked down at my trembling hands in my lap, and tried to take deep breaths.

"Bella," Jasper suddenly appeared by my side. He was kind enough not to use vampire speed. "Edward was not talking to you, he meant Rosalie," Jasper placed a hand on my shoulder and I felt the pain starting to recede.

"What is this? My entire family all of a sudden is turning against me?" Rosalie asked before I heard a huff and a slamming of a door.

Guilt suddenly flooded me but it did not last long with Jasper's hand still on my shoulder. "Don't feel badly about Rosalie, she has her own way of looking at things and like most of us gets upset when she does not get her way."

"But unlike most people she is very willing to let you know when she is pissed off," Alice added with a smile.

There had to be a way for me to find a middle ground, I held up my hand trying to ask them for a little time to think about my reply. "I know some things yes, and I have kept some of it from your family but it is somewhat personal and I would rather not share everything." I looked Carlisle in the eye, hoping to convey my sincerity. "I would never wish to harm your family."

"We know that Bella, but we care for you and if there is some sort of danger headed in your direction we would like to know so that we can protect you." Carlisle's eye were filled with nothing but compassion and concern as he talked to me.

I felt the tears prickling in my eyes, "thank you, you cannot know how much that means to me." Carlisle knew I kept secrets from them but he was still willing to let me be around his family.

"Now you have had a hard morning and since you did faint maybe a light lunch would be something that would help," Esme put her cold arms around me and smiled at me as she helped me get up and head to the kitchen. "We will continue this discussion later," I noticed she sent someone a glare over my shoulder.

I looked at the clock over the oven. It was barely noon, but it felt like much later in the afternoon. "Are you really all right Bella?" Carlisle had joined as in the kitchen as his wife made me a sandwich. I was not really all that hungry but it would have been churlish to refuse, especially since I had wanted away from all those prying eyes.

Esme got me some juice while she toasted my sandwich. She insisted on getting me something warm to eat, "the weather is still a little chilly."

The food smelled surprisingly good and my stomach grumbled in response - reminding me that it had not eaten properly since sometime yesterday evening. I don't know how Esme did it, but for a vampire that never cooked she made the best grilled cheese sandwiches. It might have been that she pilled it full of things other than just cheese, or it could have been the quality of ingredients - no white bread and american cheese was allowed in this household.

I had barely taken a few bites when I felt someone glaring at my back. Alice was standing by the door with a disappointed look on her face, "Bella have you been holding out on me?"

"You never really asked," I tried to hedge. Knowing lying was not an option.

She narrowed her eyes at me, before she got a faraway look. "Hmm. By the way, I thought we had discussed your wardrobe choices."

I looked down at myself realizing that I was still wearing my pajamas, true they covered everything important but sweats and a ratty t-shirt were not exactly what I wanted to wear in a room filled with perfect vampires dressed in designer clothing. I felt my face flush yet again with embarrassment, clearly this was going to be one of those days. Meanwhile, I had to come up with some sort of explanation for Alice.

"I am gone two days and already you are sliding back into bad habits," she made a tsking sound as she pinched the material of my shirt between two fingers.

I could not help but laugh at the horrified look on her face, that earned me another glare. I tried to backtrack a little, "you were gone all weekend and there was no one around to see me."

Based on the look she gave me it was not good enough, "well Bella, obviously we all saw you."

"I like reading in these clothes, they are much more comfortable." My statement almost came out as a question.

"I can get you some nice clothes to lounge around in, something that has not helped feed a couple of generation of moths." She clucked her tongue as she looked yet again at my outfit.

"No new clothes, I have plenty of them at home in my closet." I realized that I needed a ride home, preferable before Charlie came back from fishing. "Speaking of home, can I get a ride back to my house?"

"Finish your lunch first," Esme told me with a glare of her own. "I don't know what would happen to you if you fainted with no one to catch you."

I was not going to point out that nothing would have happened if her son had not moved me at vampire speed. Instead I sat down and finished my sandwich. In the end I was forced to borrow some shoes from Esme, some of her gardening clogs because all her other shoes had heels.

As I left the house I tried to search for Edward, and a little pain went through my chest. Now that I was not in immediate danger did this mean he was going back to ignoring me? As we moved past the driveway and onto the main road I finally had enough and had to ask my question.

"Is he going to ignore me now that everything is fine?" I did not specify who he was, but Alive already knew. It was not that big of a secret that her brother would not even look at me.

She gave me a sly look before answering, "Edward was pretty upset over you fainting on him."

Of course the cunning vampire did not give me a straight answer. So I pouted silently and tried to ignore the speed with which Alice was driving down the road.

Sometimes thinking hard about a problem will help you come up with a solution, but most of the time the opposite is true. It was when you stopped worrying about it that you had an epiphany. That is what happened to me, watching the trees move past us something clicked in my mind, and I felt beyond stupid.

I had believed everything that the books had told me, everything except the part where Edward loves me. I had believed absolutely everything including the existence of vampires, I had not even questioned wether or not the wolves were running around the Reservation - but when it came to Edward loving me, nope that was not possible.

I needed to take a step back and look at the facts. In the book Edward had ignored me for my own good, so that I would not get involved with a vampire. He had gone so far as to lie to me and tell me he did not love me. Could he be doing the same thing right now? Evidence pointed to the fact that he was hanging out around my house, maybe it was not just my imagination - had he been out there all night long, watching me?

Could it be that I had a chance with him? Part of the problem with book Bella and Edward was that they were not able to properly communicate. He did not realize how much she loved him and she was not sure of his love. Half the problems would have been non-existent has they actually sat down and hashed it out. How were you supposed to have a relationship if you did not speak to each other?

A plan was starting to slowly form in my head. There was no way to force him to do anything. Edward tended to be very stubborn, but he had specifically said in the book that he was attracted to me as a man. As much as I cringed at the thought of doing this, he really had given me no choice.

Alice looked over at me and immediately squealed loudly. I guess she had seen my decision.

"I need you to keep it form him Alice, I don't want him to know what I am doing." Somehow this seemed too underhanded but it was going be for the best. If he knew he might do something foolish like run away and I needed Edward really close - this next few weeks performance will all be for him.

"All right," she agreed a little too easily.

"Now there are some rules," I knew she was the one doing me the favor but she would need limits. I needed to think like a lawyer, it would be necessary to close all the loopholes before Alice went crazy.

"I know, I know nothing too revealing. No breaking the school dress code. Don't worry I know exactly what I am doing." She got a sudden considering look. "How do you feel about dresses?"

It has begun, "they are all right so long as I don't get cold in them."

"Hmmm we might be able to find something in Port Angeles, you will have to tell your father we are going shopping tomorrow after school. In the meantime I might be able to order some things online. Really Bella you should have made this decision on Friday or something. Then I would have had the entire weekend to work on your new wardrobe." It was a good thing she was a vampire and good at multitasking because she did not seem to be paying any attention to the road.

"How about you start all this once the cast comes off." I knew I had just asked for this, but a little time to get used to the plan would be nice.

"Oh yeah, that would be awesome. But it still will take at least another week." I could see her mind working at a million miles a minute. "Speaking of a couple of weeks, I have to get you a dress for the dance. And you have to wear what I tell you, no matter what that is part of our deal."

"No I am not asking Mike to the dance, if you suggest it I will find a way to strangle you." I growled at her mention of the dance, she had been dropping hints about Mike liking me for several weeks now. He was constantly trying to be helpful, I shuddered at the though of what he would be like with any sort of encouragement. I would also have to fear for my life, Jessica would probably kill me if I took Mike away from her.

Alice gave me her twinkling laugh. "Are you sure you don't want to ask him? It might work in our favor and make a certain someone jealous." I just rolled my eyes in reply. "Don't worry about it, you will get ready at my house for the dance. Jasper will be happy to take both of us and the girls will be super jealous."

The rest of the afternoon was used up with me Alice looking through my wardrobe and making plans. At one point she may have mentioned high heels, but I chose to ignore it. My plan was simple if a little underhanded, I needed Edward to notice me as a woman. I also needed him to do something about about it, I was going to pull out the big guns and attempt to flirt. The time of him being able to ignore me were at an end, no matter how rude he was going to be to me I would always know he was trying to push me away for my own good. I would just have to keep that in mind, I was going to be his sun, just like he had become mine. I was meant to be a vampire, so that we could spend eternity together; the sooner he got used to that idea the better things would be for him.

I heard Alice's laugh from across the room, "Edward will not know what hit him."

* * *

A/N: All right girls what do you think of the new Bella, I am hoping to convey her ability to learn from past or in this case future mistakes. So what do you think should be her first shot at flirting?

Rayday: I hope this chapter answered your question as to who was in the woods. Will she meet those four guys in Port Angeles, that might come into play - but I also don't see her going anywhere near the place without a vamp escort. Thanks for your thoughts.

Cullen-Tea-party: Sorry it took so long to keep going, thanks for the encouragement. I have now made a promise to myself, I will try to write at least 500 words everyday. Things don't always come out sounding great but that is what editing is for.

Carefully Guarded: Glad you like the story, hopefully the new sassy Bella will not make most people upset with me.

P88: English is not my first language either, I would like to blame my mistakes on that but it is probably the fact that I am product of the awesome public school system. Grammar was something that I learned in Latin class during my junior year of high school. Glad you like the story. Jasper probably can feel her emotions but I think Edward is being his usual pig headed self.

Emmauk26: Cool name by the way. I guess this chapter finally answered your question as to who was outside. Edward probably heard most of her frustrated rumblings but being the emo boy (all due respect here) he probably did not realize it was him she was talking about.

JJ1234: Glad you like it.

Sweet7smiled: Glad you can overlook my many errors, sometimes I go back through old chapters and cringe at my mistakes.

GottaLoveFanFinction: Totally agree with your name, some of my favorite authors have been suffering because I spend too much time reading fanfic. As should be apparent Bella has not give up, she is pulling out with the big guns. I just have yet to decided how far Bella will go. Personal lap dance in the middle of biology class might be a little to much?

Anonymous: I tried to give an explanation why she is not going to head out to the Rez and try to save everyone there, hopefully the newer more forceful Bella will be more to your liking. Don't worry the whining was starting to grate on my nerves but the character SM wrote kind of comes off like that. Had she spent a little less time in the 'I am not good enough for him' and instead actually talked to him things might have worked out differently.


	10. Master Plan

A/N: For those of you who need an review of the story so far. When we last left our not so intrepid heroine she had just decided that Edward might possibly like her but he is still in his self loathing phase. Bella being the impatient sort decided to do something about it.

* * *

Chapter 10 - Master Plan

The drive to school on Monday was a silent one, at least on my part. It was only Alice and I in the silver volvo since Jasper had not joined us. Alice was chattering on about our planned shopping trip this evening, I was not paying attention. My mind was not on the green blur outside the moving vehicle, instead it was going through the conversation I had with Alice yesterday afternoon.

The unnatural tranquility I gained when making a decision was even now keeping my fears at bay. I had made the choice to pursue Edward, very quickly after that I had put my plan into action by recruiting Alice. The book had been correct about several other things, why could it not be right when it spoke of Edward caring about me? I lived in a world of make believe that contained creatures like vampires and possibly werewolves. Taking a peek at Alice's perfect countenance gave me hope for my plan. If such perfect and fantastical creatures could exist in the world then it could be surmised that one such being could possibly see something in me worthy of their eternal love. Unfortunately I already knew my heart was immutably fixed on Edward, now all I had to do was tell him.

"Bella, the least you could do is pretend to be interested." Alice sounded slightly put out by my lack of attention.

"Why should I care about my clothes, you always know best and in the end my opinion will not matter." I pulled myself away from thoughts of Edward long enough to answer her question.

"You have a point," Alice seemed confused for a moment, before rolling her eyes and muttering quickly under her breath. She did not realize that clothes meant nothing to me, so long as they were comfortable and not too revealing I would wear anything she gave me. It made her happy and in the long run I did not care what I wore. This was a statement that would never be uttered out loud, Alice would probably have a heart attack - or the vampire equivalent of one.

Alice finally left me to contemplate my conclusions regarding Edward's behavior. It was very likely that he was not as indifferent as he appeared, he was a very good actor - as a vampire he had to be very good at lying. His actions of the past few weeks could be interpreted in one of two ways: one, he was avoiding me because the scent of my blood was too much for him, or the other conclusion was that a miracle had occurred and I now had a guardian angel. The second option was a far more pleasant option, I would assume that this was his reason for staying away from me. There were a couple of reasons for this supposition, the strongest of which was his behavior yesterday morning. How else could Edward have ended up in my kitchen on a Sunday morning unless he was watching me and therefore close enough to hear me muttering about deadly vampires? Maybe he was following me around, though if that was the case I could only blush at the thought of what he may have overheard.

I had made the right decision, and it was right to ask Alice to help me. The seduction of Edward was not something I could have done alone, a woman like Alice had a great deal more experience was necessary if this plan had any chance of success. In the book Edward had mentioned wanting to see my inept attempts at flirting, well his wish was about to come true. Or it would at the end of the week, since technically the plan was for me to ignore him for the next five days. Alice needed to make some preparations and it would be best if I had both hands functioning again, hence the delay to the end of the week. According to a very certain Alice my cast would come off this Friday, I really wanted to believe her since it had been nearly five weeks ago that Carlisle had trapped my right hand in the prison of plaster. There was an itchy spot about three inched from my thumb that had been taunting me those five weeks and of course it was in an unreachable area.

My instructions from Alice were clear, she was the one in charge of my wardrobe and would also direct the amount of time I was allowed to spend with Edward - something about being less is more, and keeping things mysterious.

As far as the rest of the week was concerned I would not speak to him, or even look in his general direction and as much as it hurt me I would not acknowledge his very presence. This plan would require a great deal of finesse, probably more than I had - how was I supposed to ignore someone who was quickly becoming a vital part of my existence? Alice was excited with the anticipation of my attempts of seduction, "he will not know which way is up." She had told me with a final giggle before she left me yesterday.

I was far less optimistic about my ability to wreak havoc with Edward's rigid self-control, in fact his ability to stay firm to a purpose was probably the only reason he had not given up the vegetarian vampire way of life and killed me. What if my actions pushed him too far and he lost control? Would I doom him to an eternity of guilt?

"Stop frowning like that Bella, everything will be fine so long as you listen to me." Alice interrupted my soon to be morbid thoughts. "We are almost at the school, all you have to do is get through this week and then we will have some fun."

"Fun?" Barely getting the word past the large lump in my throat as I considered the prospect of talking to Edward.

"Yes, it is fun to be a girl. Dress up in pretty clothes, play a few games." Her tinkling laughter rang through the car as she became more and more excited at the prospect of playing Barbie Bella.

I looked out the window again only to realize that Alice was correct in that we were nearly at the school. As soon as Alice turned the corner into the parking lot my eyes started their automatic survey of the vehicles. This had become an almost unconscious behavior on my part, searching for that red convertible. It was safe to say that I was not alone in this regard, many of my male classmates went through the same maneuvers every morning. We were all looking for the object of our affection, several moments of our time was wasted dreaming about the one thing we could never have. While they dreamed of the car that Rosalie drove, and probably of Rosalie herself, I dreamed of the boy whose personal vehicle I had invaded that was now forced to rely on his sister for a ride. At times I would feel guilty about taking over his car, but then he was welcome to come along. I would tolerate his high speed driving if it meant I could stare at his face every morning.

Fighting every one of my instincts I forced my head to turn down and stare at the backpack that occupied the spot between my feet. I would not look for Edward, if the Olympics handed out awards for stubbornness I would have set the world record. I was determined to stick to my decision, and not look at Edward for the next few days. I succeeded, mostly, but of course the observant Alive knew what I was doing.

"They are not here yet," Alice told me with a small smile, "I was a little early today so that you would have plenty of time to get to class."

"Thanks, Alice," I got out of the car before grabbing my heavy backpack. That Trig book was getting heavier by the minute, but at least all my homework was done - even the stuff that was not due until Thursday.

"Sorry about waking up you up early, but I saw that if we arrived at the same time as Edward you would stare at him with that lovestruck expression and ruin all my plans for you." Alice gave me a quick push towards the building that housed my first class, despite the delicate nudge it still threw me off balance. Alice muttered something rude underneath her breath as she grabbed my elbow to help me regain my balance before she too headed off towards her first period class.

Taking a detour past my locker to dump off some of my extra books that I did not need would eat up very little of my extra time. If I walked carefully enough not to trip it would be a good enough excuse to waste a full five minutes. This way I did not have to sit in class and dwell on the fact that I, Isabella Swan, super shy girl was going to try to seduce a vampire boy who was inhumanly perfect. Pushing those thoughts aside took a great deal of effort but unless I wanted to take a detour to the bathroom in order to throw up it would be best to think about something other than Edward. Latching desperately onto the contents of my backpack I tried to decide whether to take my personal copy of Wuthering Heights or the one the school had provided for me. Finally picking the school copy because it was not in imminent danger of falling apart I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Instantaneously my nose was assaulted with the most overpowering smell, it did not take me long to determine the source.

"Hi there Bella," Mike spoke in an extremely chipper voice. His sudden appeared on my right made me jump and drop my books. What was it with people appearing suddenly? At least I did not faint like I did with Edward yesterday. For a moment my thoughts wandered as I tried to decide what would be worse: falling down and hitting my head or Mike catching me in time and getting to hold my unconscious body. Well that was an easy decisions, I would definitely take the concussion. Fortunately for me, only my books fell to the floor but my relief did not last long as I looked up into his entirely too cheerful face.

His demeanor was too friendly, even for Mike. "Hi," I drew out the word trying to gain enough time to solve the puzzle of the amiable boy. One thing was clear, and that was the source of the smell, I am sure his cologne was much more pleasant when it was not used as bathwater.

"How are you? Is your backpack too heavy for you? Do you need me to carry it?" His happy expression changed slightly as his words became more rapid and forced, this was out of place with the usually self-assured Mike. I could not put my finger on it, but he sounded off... perhaps a little nervous.

"Um, fine" my answer was more of a question, he really was starting to worry me. Mike's resemblance to a faithful puppy had become even more pronounced today. "No thanks on the carrying books," I lifted my backpack with my good hand to show him how little it weighed. When I did not used words my lies became a little bit more effective, but he did not need to know that somehow the laws of physics were on the fritz today and my Trig book's mass was increasing.

While I was busy trying to diplomatically answer his numerous questions Mike shifted even closer to me, he moved from what could be considered a little too close for a friend to a more intimate position - one that was making me extremely uncomfortable. My poor luck held true. While attempting to take a surreptitious step back I managed to bump the still opened locker door with my shoulder. The large bruise on my shoulder blade would have been easily tolerable, unfortunately the pain was couple with a loud bang as the locker door slammed against the neighboring locker. This cacophony in the relatively quiet hall ensured that all eyes were looking in my direction. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as out of the corner of my eye I saw several people stopped around us not even bothering to hide their curiosity, my blush and Mike's proximity were giving a lot of people the wrong idea.

"So how are you this morning?" Mike repeated himself, his voice cracking as his face turned almost as red as mine.

"I already told you I am fine," my spider senses were tingling, major warning lights were flashing through my brain telling me this was the time to retreat. Taking a deep breath I tried to formulate an excuse to leave quickly, but some delicacy would be required; if I rushed off it might hurt Mike's feelings.

"So um Bella...I was wondering what you were doing tonight?" Mike was obviously forcing himself to say the words, a major clue that he did not mean his question to be interpreted in the casual friendly way. This was Mike asking me out on a date, Jessica was going to get her feelings hurt if she found out about this.

How in the heck was I going to untangle myself from this mess? I did not think it was possible but my face got hotter, at this point my cheeks were probably as shinny as Rudolph's nose. I had spent a great deal of time and effort trying to make it crystal clear for Mike that I was not interested in him as anything more than a friend. Maybe he really was as dense as the books had implied, up until now I had believed that Mike's persistence in the book was a gross exaggeration. It was now starting to become clear that as usual the author was entirely correct in her assessment of Mike's character.

"Alice has some plans for us and I don't think you would enjoy them," Mike's unwelcome advances might embarrass me but how much more would it distress Jessica. My voice was slightly tinged with regret as I realized there was no way she would not find out about this. "But maybe we can get together some other time, I know Jessica and Angela wanted to have a movie night. It might be a fun evening with friends."

Mike paused for a second and I saw my opportunity to escape. This time I made sure to turn around and close my locker door before backing away. "I need to get to class." Twisting my face into an expression that hopefully resembled a smile I tried to walk past Mike.

Instantly his arm shot out in front of me, essentially blocking me in and preventing my easy escape. I heaved a sigh, seriously this was just going to make me angry. I bit my tongue because I knew in a small school like this if I made a scene I would be back in the spotlight - a place I wanted to avoid right now.

He gave me a smile that was a combination of nervousness and cockiness. "So Bella," the way he said my name was I guess supposed to be sexy or something, it just came out creepy. "What are doing tomorrow night?"

"I have plans," trying to be as vague as possible, hoping that it would make my ability to lie a little better.

"What kind of plans?" he asked suspiciously, geez this boy did not have to look far if he wanted a job. As soon as my dad retired he could take over the position, he was a natural when it came to interrogating prisoners; Mike and Jessica combined would make a wonderful interrogation team.

"Plans," my temper was rising as Mike remained obtuse. I had enough to worry about his morning without adding having to tell Mike I was not interesting in dating him without hurting his feelings.

"Plans with who?" Mike was starting to sound suspicious. He was going to persist until I told him something.

"Plans with Jake," I threw the name out in desperation. In the books Bella spent a great deal of time with her best friend. I had not yet had the pleasure of meeting the obnoxious werewolf, at least not since we were little kids together.

The name of another male being thrown into the fray made Mike slow down for a moment but it was not enough to deter him. Obviously he was not going to take a hint and I was getting tired of this little game. He opened his mouth, possibly ready to fire off another volley of question. I did not give him a change, quite frankly it was none of his business what I did after school or who I did it with. With a frustrated growl I pushed past Mike, his confusion over an unknown male allowed me to break through the cage of his arms.

A little voice in the back of my mind pointed out that due to my lack of sleep for the past few days I was being somewhat of a grouch but that voice was quickly subdued. I was allowed to lose my cool, especially when dealing with Mike who apparently lived in La la land and could not take no for an answer.

My temper made me a great deal less cautious as I tore down the halls, and of course with my luck I should have know that the morning festivities were not yet over. I was not thinking about the fact that my balance was equivalent to that of a three year old or that the fates had this way of piling more and more misfortune on my head - those thoughts were not going through my mind, though they should have been. Instead I was fuming about Mike and the stubbornness of boys in general, was I going to have to tattoo the message 'I don't want to date Mike' across my forehead? Too busy thinking about explaining the tattoo to Charlie I was not considering the busy hands of Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos - those three women liked to pay particular attention to me and they did not neglect their duties this morning. A bag of some sort had been left in the middle of the hall while its owner chatted with a friend, no one was going to believe me but I swear that strap jumped out and tangled itself around my ankle.

I made a half hearted attempt to put my hand out to lessen the impact but I knew how futile it out be considering I only had one functional arm. My face was less than a foot from the floor when a set of cold fingers grabbed my elbow and pulled me upright once again.

The chill radiating from the body next to me gave the first clue as to the identity of my rescuer, but the strange current that was humming through my body from such an innocent touch confirmed that it was of course Edward Cullen who had saved me from possibly breaking my other wrist.

My temper made me bold and I looked up in to his perfect face, this time determined not to be caught by the beauty of his godlike appearance. Even in profile his face could take my breath away but the fury coursing through my body granted a temporary immunity to his looks. I opened my mouth to utilize this fleeting gift in order to actually say something witty for once but of course he was not paying any attention to me. His strong fingers might have held my elbow as securely as a vice but his attention was elsewhere.

Heaven forbid that he would look in my direction, instead Edward was glaring at a spot somewhere past my right shoulder. Turning slightly I made eye contact with Mike who had been walking towards me with a look of determination on his face. The contrast between the two became even more striking, here was Edward saving me from harm once again yet intent on not acknowledging my presence and then there was Mike who could not comprehend that we were not meant to be. My anger increased at this observation, it was like adding rocked fuel to an already burning fire - there was no word strong enough to describe the fury coursing through my body. How dare Edward go out of his way to save me and then continue to treat me as if I did not exist?

"Thanks," the word barely made it past my clenched teeth and resembled a curse more than an expression of gratitude. The tingling feeling that only Edward could arouse in my body disappeared as I yanked my elbow out of his grasp and stomped my way to class. Luckily I did not require any more saving or Edward might have been smashed in the face with my book bag - that would not have helped with my seduce Edward master plan.

Slamming my bag down in English class brought some unwanted attention that once my temper cooled would lead to a great deal of embarrassment; unfortunately I did not seem to care at this point. Mike had followed me into the classroom but he finally seemed to get a clue, and after taking one look at my expression chose to sit as far away from me as possible. Mike spent the rest of the class in such a subdued state that caused the teacher to inquire about his health.

My poor luck held throughout the morning. Jessica being the gossip queen of the school found out about what had transpired in the hall before school.

"So what did you and Mike talk about?" She asked suddenly while settling into the desk next to me in Trig.

My surprise at being accosted without any warning combined with the fact that I had not regained my equilibrium from earlier in the morning made it hard to keep up appearances - my brain could not seen to find the appropriate teenage response to this question. Somehow I doubted telling her that Mike was harassing me to go on a date with him would go off well. "Umm.. nothing much." My skin burst into flames as I blushed at the lie.

Jessica gave a look that told me my lying skills had not miraculously improved in the past hour. "So tell me exactly what he said," she continued in a patronizing tone.

Her comment indicated that as of this moment she did not have all the details of my encounter with Mike, obviously her need for information was enough to force her to drop her silent treatment of me. Regrettably this meant that I would now be forced to come up with some plausible explanation for my behavior.

"Something about a group of us getting together for a movie," I shrugged and avoided eye contact. "It really was not that important."

"So why did you run away?" Jessica pushed, how had I not notice before what an annoying voice she really had?

"Because he kept asking for details about my plans for the evening, and I did not care to share them." My temper was rising again, how I missed Phoenix and the hundreds of other students. In Phoenix by the time second period rolled around one measly conversation in front of the lockers would have been forgotten due to the fact that six or seven other much more interesting things would have occurred. One of the jocks would have streaked down the hall wearing only his jockstrap, a girl got into a fight with another one for wearing the same shirt. Unfortunately nothing happened in Forks that could divert the attention away from me, nothing except the timely beginning of the Trig lecture. For once I thanked my lucky stars that the teacher was insistent on beginning class precisely when the tardy bell rang.

My reprieve was only temporary, as all through Trig class out of the corner of my eye I could see Jessica sending me dirty looks. Jessica would put a voodoo curse on me, too bad I could not tell her the truth regarding my feelings for Mike - but that would open myself to a line of questioning pertaining to my feelings for Edward. Luckily my non existent survival skills kicked and I determined it would be best not to make and enemy of Jessica. I might have been pretending to be engrossed in the lecture but instead I wasted much of the class trying to figure out where to sit for lunch. Should I pick a different table, one that was away from Mike and Jessica? I had gone above and beyond trying to encourage Mike to pursue Jessica, all my efforts had been wasted and now he had made it even more awkward. Maybe I could sit with the Cullens but there was no way I could avoid looking at Edward if I did that.

My mother liked to joke that I was born a grown up and just got more middle aged as I grew up, she would have been laughing hard about this situation. Here was boring Bella Swan knee deep in a high school drama, the cliche love triangle. Jessica likes Mike, Mike likes Bella, and Bella ...well at least it was not Bella loves Jessica.

The laws of physics were really on a fritz today and I could not decide if time wanted to go faster or slower than usual. When I was sitting next to Jessica feeling her death glares time slowed down, but when I was trying to come to a decision regarding where to sit for lunch time sped up. There really was no way to win in this situation.

I was still undecided when the lunch bell rang after Spanish, Alice the most awesome best friend in the world was waiting for me just outside the classroom. "Come on we can escape to the library today, I don't want to risk you getting stabbed by Jessica."

Alice's words sounded like a joke but when I looked back at Jess her expression made me think that Alice was protecting me from certain death. Or at least a fork in the back.

"Speaking of being stabbed, thanks a lot for the warning about Mike," I hissed the words under my breath knowing she would still hear me. "If that boy does not figure out what no means soon I might have to run him over or something. Maybe that will give him a clue that I am not interested."

Alice laughed her beautiful tinkling laugh while she linked her arm through mine. "We have a great deal to discuss about tonight, but I can see that you are not interested in talking about that."

Alice truly was the best friend a girl could ask for because she spent most of lunch telling me funny stories about Emmet and Jasper's bets. They would gable on anything from which side of the bank a stick would reach first to who could catch the most deer in one hour. The outcome of the bets were not as amusing as the consequences for the loser. From the sounds of it they spent more time coming up with the punishment than the actual bet. I tried to keep my countenance clear of my true feelings but it was hard to fool Alice. Mike's unwanted advances and as a consequence Jessica's probing had managed to keep my mind off my main worries all morning but now they came rushing back. I was almost ill with the though of my plan, not that I would go back on the decision. Once I made up my mind nothing was going to stop me, not even this paralyzing fear.

"Have fun in class," Alice told me with a smile as the bell signaling the end of lunch sounded. There was a suggestion of anticipation in her voice that concerned me. Unfortunately I was too distracted about seeing Edward again to spend the time to analyze the nuances of her tone. My steps were just as reluctant as many of the other stragglers, but I was willing to bet my reasons for walking so slowly were not the same as theirs. Edward was already sitting at our shared lab table, his books neatly piled on his side of the desk. My luck finally turned for the day as I noticed there was no equipment placed on the tables, it looked like we would only have a lecture today. This was a good thing, that meant I could just face the front of the class and take notes. It can be tricky to do biology labs while completely ignoring your lab partner, Edward and I were extremely talented and had managed this over the past several weeks but the events of this morning had sapped away my pool of patience.

I settled as quietly as possible next to him, taking care that not even the sleeves of my sweater touched him. As the class began it soon became apparent that ignoring Edward was not something that could be easily accomplished. Before I had been under the impression that he did not care for me, but in one day all that had changed. Yesterday when I had mentioned just the possibility of danger for one moment he had given up pretenses and rushed to my aid. Now hope had blossomed inside of me, hope for the future. Maybe the life I wanted was no longer as unattainable as I had imagined, the sliver of possibility had wedged itself into my mind. I craved that future, much more than I would have thought possible. I wanted it all, the love of my life, the family and eternity. I closed my eyes for a moment picturing what it would be like to have everything, what would it feel like to be held by Edward? The books had not been good enough at describing the feeling of his lips on mine, I craved first hand knowledge of his kiss. The words in the book only managed to whet my appetite and engage my mind, I wanted ... no I needed to know what it felt like with my body and not just my head. This was the reason I was going forward with my plan, the yearning for physical contact.

What is the worst that could happen? _He could leave you again._ That awful voice pointed out the worst case scenario. I felt it again, that pain in my chest as the seams of my hear started tearing apart at the mere though of life without Edward. I needed to stop thinking like that or I would fall apart, this was not the time or the place. I had never been so happy to hear a teacher's voice, the subject of biology suddenly became the most important thing in the world. I tried to make it my main focus, unfortunately it was impossible when out of the corner of my eye I could see his arm stretched out on the table. It would only take a slight movement on my part to cover his tightly clenched hand with my own, his body appeared more tense the stress practically rolling off of his squared shoulders.

I worried about Edward through the entire class, my notes would not be at all helpful thankfully I knew enough about cellular respiration to miss most of what was said. His fist remained tight for the entire lecture, his body on the other hand was very twitchy. He kept shifting his body around almost as if he could not find a comfortable spot on his chair, but that was ludicrous since he could be comfortable regardless of what he was sitting on. It could hardly be my scent that was bothering him, I had not seen him breathe even once since entering the room. So it must be his thoughts that were disturbing him, I only wished there was some way to speak. Some way to offer my help with his problems, all he had to do is ask. I would do anything to make him feel better.

Class ended but I continued to face the chalkboard for a few seconds trying to decide if it would be best to abandon my plan to ignore Edward. What if he needed my help?

"Bella?" I heard his voice call my name. For a moment I though my imagination had finally run wild, Edward was talking to me.

I turned a very astonished face toward Edward who was looking at me, his face of course took my breath away. Even the little wrinkles of concentration on his forehead only added to his appeal. How could anyone so perfect want anything to do with me? His golden eyes were filled with a blend of curiosity and frustration. He was speaking to me, I shifted so as to face him more clearly. Happiness flooding me at the thought of being able to help Edward feel better.

"Bella," he said my name again and that was all it took to send my heart racing even faster. "Who is Jake?"

The feeling of euphoria that came with Edward addressing me directly was suddenly gone to be replaced by fury. I could feel the tears starting to fill my eyes, here I was ready to move heaven and earth for him yet all he wanted was to know about Jake. Standing up allowed me a higher position, one from which I could look down on him. "Jake? You want to know about Jake?"

"Yes, Jake." His voice sounded uncertain at my sudden rage.

Edward was not interested in talking to me, he just wanted to solve the mystery of the person I had supposedly made a date with. I could not think of a word bad enough to describe my indignation at this time. Jerk was too mild of a word. I was not normally a violent person but right now the need to punch Edward was almost overwhelming. Only fear of damaging my only functional hand stopped me from trying to take a swing at Edward.

"Tell you what Edward, when you see Emmett next ask him to punch you for me." I shoved my books into my bag as I spoke, "tell him I don't care where so long as it is really, really hard." My oscar worthy lines were ruined by the fact that I tripped on my way out the door, the tears blurring my vision were not all that helpful in my ability to navigate through the door.

Yeah this seduction thing was working out well for me.

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A/N: Yeah this took a long time, but I got caught up in my other fanfics and real life. I promise I have a better feel for what is going to happen with Bella and Edward so I am going to try to concentrate on this one a little more.

Thanks everyone for putting this story on alert, it really is encouraging to see that.

I would also like to send lots of smoochies to Sweetie7smiled, Ellen L W, Mini Luna, denali1918, GottaloveFanfiction, JJ1234, Emmauk26, Sti, ClumsbsyShopaholic, Kristin04, The Stag Patronus, Marsy-cat, Safaia Bara, Ded1, and 4blueeues9. Thanks for reviewing, I love to hear from you and it is like seeing little presents in my mailbox when I open it. (Yes, yes I am a review floozie.)


	11. Regrets and Hopes

11 - Regrets and Hopes

Due to the cast on my wrist I was still not expected to participate in gym class and while that was something I normally looked upon as a good thing it was not so great today. To keep me occupied the coach had given me some worksheets regarding the not so exciting history of various sports. Maybe it was my Olympic level reading skills or it could have been the fact that each consisted of two paragraphs and four multiple choice questions, but unfortunately the worksheets were not much of a mental challenge and this gave me ample opportunity to think about my actions. So by the time the final bell rang signaling the end of gym class I had thoroughly analyzed my behavior. It did not take long for the guilt to overwhelm my anger; self-reproach rained down on the flames of my fury and quickly smothered them under a heavy blanket of shame.

A weight about the size of an elephant had settled on my chest and it was becoming increasingly hard to breathe. How could I have been so cruel to Edward? My behavior towards Mike was not one of my best moments either. It turned out that when under pressure I was not the mature and kind creature that others had thought me to be, and instead turned out to be a typical catty teenage girl. This was not the person I wanted to be - this was the type of person I found despicable and abhorrent. It was beyond selfish to get angry just because people did not live up to my expectations. The lines between the real Edward and book Edward were beginning to blur and it was starting to effect my behavior. It had reached a point where I got angry because Edward was not acting like the loving and supportive boyfriend. I was expecting Edward to be that person in the books without having lived through the experiences that made him that way.

While the rules of this universe were the same as the book, vampires existed for example, the people were not always going to follow the same patterns as the book. Simply the act of reading the book had changed things from the book's version of event. My knowledge of things to come had altered the future immediately and the changes my presence was supposed to bring about had been adjusted as well. Originally I was supposed to cause a small ripple through the community of Forks, but I had not hit the water so to speak at the same place and so my waves were hitting the obstacles at different times and angles. Some of these changes were very bad, my broken wrist was a testament to that, since I was only supposed to have bumped my head. Others changes were for the better. Alice and I were not supposed to be friends until this summer but we have been hanging out together for weeks now. I was not supposed to have met Esme for several weeks yet but we have bonded in ways that were not ever described in the books. Things were clearly different and my poor human brain could not always be counted on to remember what exactly was supposed to happen on what day. Maybe I should have taken the books and used them to make some sort of calendar. While my knowledge had changed things for the people I interacted with in Forks things probably had not changed outside my small circle of acquaintances. I had no doubt that James and his group were headed this way and I had to decide quickly what I was going to do about him and Victoria. Come to think of it the third guy, Lauren...no, Laurent, that was his name, was going to try to kill me at one point as well. Oh and while I was going through my list of potential problems there was also the little bitty thing about the teenagers that turn into giant wolves and are completely prejudiced against the Cullens.

I rubbed my temples with my only functioning hand as I walked out of gym class. I was starting to feel a headache coming on - decisions were rarely easy for me and this time there were too many variables to consider. I had been so involved in loving all the members of the Cullens family that I was not paying attention to the future. I was rapidly running out of time. I had to make choices, right now, or in reality I should have made them days ago. I should have told Carlisle everything, he would have understood, he would have known what to do. Maybe I could still do so since all I had to do was walk into the hospital and he would be willing to listen.

I needed to find myself again. A few days of peace would have sufficed, forty eight hours where I could sit down and think without having to play a character for anyone. I needed to think on things as they were in this reality and not in the book. My secrets were starting to pile up and they were adding to my stress. I could now fully understand why the Cullens loved their private house in the middle of nowhere - in that place they did not have to keep up appearances.

While I was wishing for the impossible I also wanted a few days to wallow in my misery. Regardless of the book's ability to predict the future it gave me no right to be a bitch - I was completely appalled at my behavior. My chest constricted again, making my breaths shallow and quick as I hurried towards my locker. The need to go somewhere and hide was overwhelming. It was despicable for me to take out my anger on Edward since he was not one who could not take the hint that I was not interested. He was not the one who was constantly pursuing me regardless of the fact that I had never encouraged him in any way. No the title of oblivious and annoying boy belonged to Mike Newton. I might have to be a little more clear in my non-interest, though I was beginning to suspect that Mike was one of those guys that if things did not go his way would simply ignore reality and supplant his own version. I would have to tread carefully because this was too small of a school for me to make an outright enemy of Mike. How could he not see that Jessica wanted him so badly? They would have made the perfect couple - the jock and the ever popular gossip queen, it was almost like they were fated to be together.

Mike was not the only one who could not seem to take a hint. He was not the only one who had projected his own feelings and needs on another person without actually getting to know them. Just as Mike had never bothered to learn who Bella Swan really was so I had not bothered to learn who Edward Cullen was. I thought of myself as the observant one and even the books had gone on and on about how much I saw. But in reality I was just as blind as everyone else, blinded by my own hopes and fears. What did I know about relationships? Everything came from the fairy tales I had read in all of my old books. The ones about love conquering all, breaking every curse, and people living happily ever after. In those stories all the trials had been overcome with the power of love and you did not need to hear the details of their happily ever after because you knew that their love would see them through all the problems. Was that the way it was supposed to occur? Or was reality closer to what happened with my mother? With a fifty percent divorce rate maybe her story was closer to the truth. Their love for each other had not kept my parents together for very long, and I had watched over the years as my mother found and lost love in a matter of weeks. Though with Phil it seemed a little different and maybe this time my mother had finally found her match.

Were my expectations tainted by my mother's haphazard attitude towards relationships and honestly life in general? Most of my earliest memories center around cleaning up my mother's messes - including her relationship messes. I was hoping not to make the same mistakes, but how did you know that you found the perfect man for you? And how in the world did I think I would find him this early in the game of life? I was not going to lie to myself, Edward was the first man I had ever loved but which version did I really love. The one described in the book or the cool and standoffish boy that I had to deal with now? My mother had married her childhood sweetheart. The modern fairytale guarantee for the perfect life. That bond had dissolved after a little over a year of marriage. What made me think that I could do any better? I was not doubting Edward's character, I knew he struggled around my scent but he had overcome his vampire nature in order to remain with his family. On Sunday morning he had come out of nowhere ready to protect me. I was not certain if he did it because I was special to him or because he would have done that for any human but his actions showed how he had overcome his instinct to kill and turned it towards a need to protect. He was a good man but that did not mean anything in the long run. My mother had brought home a great many good men over the years but that did not mean the relationship lasted. I was there as she moved from boyfriend to boyfriend. I was the one to comfort her when she shed the tears and more importantly I was the one who detangled them from her life. While my mother might be fickle by nature it did not mean she did not feel deeply. She would throw her heart and soul into anything and everything that caught her eye. Unfortunately she could not seem to hold onto anything for very long.

One of my reasons for reasons for leaving her and Phil was a very selfish one. I did not wish to be around when something happened with Phil. I desperately wanted it to work out this time, and maybe it would. Phil was almost as bad a dreamer as my mother and had yet to learn to curb her more exuberant plans. If I was being honest with myself I wanted to avoid being caught in the whirlwind of emotion if Phil and Renee were to break up.

"A girl is not supposed to look that unhappy when the prospect of shopping looms on the horizon," Alice interrupted my dark thoughts about Phil and Renee's future together.

"Sorry, I was thinking about something else." I fished out the appropriate books to take home.

"Oh really?" Alice sounded curious.

Opening my mouth I prepared to tell her some lie but to my surprise another set of words came out of my mouth, "can I tell you later?"

"Of course, we have all night." Alice slammed my locker shut for me as I shouldered my backpack. "Come on, the faster we leave here the faster we can get going."

"You know I have to get home, and I need to feed Charlie." I was practically running next to her as she tugged me towards the car.

"Oh you can just have him warm up something that Esme made. Charlie always loves her cooking." Alice sped up some more as we cleared the building and headed towards the parking lot. I would have continued to argue but soon it took all my concentration to keep up with Alice's speed walking without falling on my face.

It was not until I was settled in the silver volvo and we were heading to my house had the chance to continue with my earlier thoughts. When it came down to it I decided that the major problems was that I did not want to be over thirty before I finally settled down. In an ideal world this Edward would find something worthy in me and we would get married and have the 1.0 children and the white picket fences but if that perfect scenario did not occur maybe I could find someone like Edward. A man dedicated to his family. An educated man who was kind to his mother, and respectful to his father. I wanted the fairytale that my mother never had. I wanted the man who would be with me for eternity, the one who would never stray, the one who would never break my heart, the one who would support me, the one who would love me almost as much as I loved him. While I looked a lot like my mother that did not mean we had similar personalities. I was more like my father in that respect and I was afraid that much like my father once I gave my heart it would be forever. The book had promised me my prince but I was starting to realize that things did not always turn out the way they did in books. I was starting to be afraid that there was no turning back for me and that I was already lost. Completely and irrevocably in love with the book version of Edward. I was starting to be afraid that there was only one way preserve my sanity. I was going to have to follow through with my crazy plan to seduce Edward. That would give me the opportunity to find out if I truly loved Edward or had merely fallen in love with the idea of being in love. The security and the constancy of vampire love was very alluring to a girl who grew up with such a flighty mother. What would happen if this Edward did not live up to my expectations? I pushed such dark thoughts out of my mind and concentrated on the plan instead. Tonight Alice and I were going to go shopping for seductive clothes, and that alone was enough to make me want to throw up.

Charlie was not at home when Alice pulled into the driveway, but that was to be expected. While Alice took my backpack upstairs I wrote quick instructions for reheating the casserole. Hopefully he would be able to read my awful handwriting that had not been improved by having to use my left hand to write.

"Come on we have to go," Alice was back downstairs and bouncing by the front door.

"I just have to leave some instructions for Charlie."

"Don't worry he won't burn the house down or anything."

"Really, oh good." The conviction in her voice was comforting and I trusted that my father would be able to take care of himself for one more evening.

I had barely settled back in the car before Alice was pulling out at lighting speed. It was a good thing that Charlie was not on his way home because he would have probably never allowed Alice to drive me around again if he saw her switch the car to drive and head down the street.

Ignoring Alice's driving I was prepared to fall back into my depressive thoughts regarding my behavior towards Edward. My seduction skills were non-existent but even I knew you did not go about making a guy like you by telling him you hope his older brother will punch him.

The perky music and Alice singing along interrupted my spiral into self-doubt. "Hello anyone in there?" She knocked lightly on the side of my head.

The unexpected action caught my attention but it was the mischievous smile on her face that brought forth a small laugh.

"Wow Bella that sounded kind of rusty, maybe you should laugh more often."

"This might surprise you Alice but you are not the first to accuse me of being too serious." My mother had done so most of my life.

"You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Las time I checked your name was Bella and not Atlas." Her face was wreathed in concern.

I was about to mumble my usual I am fine answer but the narrowing of Alice's eyes made me realize that we both knew I was not fine. One of Charlie's problems was his inability to communicate with others. I needed to not clamp up and forget about everyone else around me.

"Thanks Alice for always being the supportive friend. At first I was willing to guarantee that I was going to be miserable here but you make me glad that I came to stay with Charlie. I know we don't see eye to eye on most things but I do really thank you for caring." More than intended had come out in my small speech but I was glad it was said. I truly was glad that I had met Alice.

Alice looked surprised for a few moments but it was quickly replaced by her usual sunny smile. "So Bella are you ready to shop?"

Pumping my fist in the in the age old gesture I laughed once more. It sounded a little more genuine this time. "On, on, on, on, on! to the breach, to the breach!"

"A battle cry from Henry the fifth Bella? You have been spending far too much time with your books. What am I to do with you?" Alice shook hear head in mock despair.

"Trust me Alice shopping with you is an arduous battle that us mere mortals can never hope to win."

"You are so silly sometimes Bella."

"Thank you Alice, you always know how to cheer a girl up." One glaring mistake in the book was that Bella never communicated well with others. She never told Alice how important their friendship was. At times Alice might seem frivolous but above all else she was extremely loyal. Shopping was surprisingly fun. Yes make a note in the history books, Bella Swan had officially enjoyed herself while shopping. It was impossible to be truly unhappy with Alice around, she was such a whirlwind of activity that you did not have the time or the energy to waste on being depressed. You were too busy trying to talk her out of things - like ...well I could not even think about such things without blushing.

I was expecting for her to hit the mall first but instead she took me slightly out of the way from main street to a smaller shop. The name of the store should have clued me in, I usually did not shop at places called Flounce, but I was too busy telling Alice about shopping with my mother to notice exactly where she was taking me. The mannequins in the front window were tastefully dressed in evening dresses that were clearly tailored for a more mature crowd.

It was not until we got fully inside that I noticed that clothes consisted mostly of dresses and skirts. "Alice you know I don't like dresses," I whispered furiously as the saleswoman walked towards us with a warm greeting.

"Hello may I help you?" She asked with a smile. She was wearing a very nice black skirt paired with some evil looking high heels.

"Yes, Bella here needs some basics. She just moved to the area from the South and nothing in her closet is adequate for our weather."

I thought to protest the accusation but in this case Alice was right. All of my pretty summer shirts had to be left behind in Arizona. I bit my lip and followed directions. My jacket was deemed unacceptable as I removed it but the saleswoman, Carol, approved of my figure.

I balked at all the dresses and skirts that Alice brought for me to try on but I was obedient and tried them on. I was going to stick to my side of the bargain and Alice was going to help me speak to her brother. All I wanted to do was talk to see if he was as perfect as the books had described him. I wanted to get to know the real man behind the fictional one I had found myself falling for.

One fact saved me from complete mutiny and that was the decent length of the skirts. I was not comfortable enough to wear a miniskirt no matter what Alice said, but luckily everything she presented was below the knee. I had been prepared for a throw-down fight over the length when I had first noticed her bringing me a skirt.

"I feel like Anne of Green Gables," the clean cut midnight blue skirt fell heavily around my ankles. Despite the name of the store there was nothing flouncy about it. Made out of the softest wool I had ever felt it was nothing like the itchy sweaters that used to hang in my mother's closet. I giggled a little bit as I twirled around the dressing room mirror. "Now all I need is a Gilbert Blythe and everything will be all right."

Smiling at Alice I was expecting her to be giggling with me but the speculative look in her eye made me a little wary.

"Your hair is the wrong color," she told me in a distracted way.

"All right Alice, spill. What is going on in your conniving mind?" she was starting to worry me.

"Everything will be perfect, if you can stay away from Gilbert for a few more days." She was suddenly stern and full of purpose. "Now come on we have to find a shirt to go with that, if we can just find it in this place. Hmmm I can see we won't, time to try elsewhere. Well hurry up and change back into your clothes, we need to leave." So we piled our purchases into the car and headed out of the store towards the mall. I ate a quick dinner at the food court before Alice found the perfect shirt to go with my blue skirt. I could only half way try it on because the sleeves were too narrow for my cast but Alice was glowing with happiness.

"This is going to be perfect," she told me with a huge smile. "Now one more stop and we will be done."

"What else could we possibly need?" Alice had found things for every member of the family.

Alice game me a look but did not bother to answer as she dragged me off to one last place. There was one article of clothing that I had thought was sacred, one that have believed was still under my control - obviously I was completely and utterly wrong. "No Alice, I could not possibly wear that," I was fairly certain my blush would light up the room.

"Bella you don't need to be so squeamish, just help me find the right size." Alice was looking through the racks of underwear...no that was the wrong word, this was lingerie.

"There is no point of wearing that, no one will see it." I told her in a stern voice trying not to look everywhere but nowhere at once. "I have perfectly good underwear at home."

"Really Bella, do you not know anything about seduction?" Alice told me with a frustrated laugh, "the point is that you know you are wearing it."

"No, Alice, absolutely not." I told her firmly but calmly. This was one battle I was going to win.

This way why I was confused over the fact that I was carrying not one but three risqué panty and bra sets up towards my room, hoping against hope that Charlie was too busy watching his baseball game to inquire about my purchases. Fortunately he was not Renee who would have wanted for me to model it for her.

"Hi Dad, I am home," I looked into the small living room after I had stashed my things. "Did you get enough to eat?"

"You know I have been feeding myself for a while now," he told me with a small chuckle.

"Lies, I saw what was in the fridge when I first moved here. Leftover pizza and takeout does not equate to a good diet Dad." I shook my head at him, how was Charlie going to survive if I ever left him?

"So did you enjoy your shopping with Alice?"

Not wanting to give the impression that I was going to stay long I sat down only on the arm of the chair since I still had some homework waiting for me upstairs. "Kind of, we kind of had a bit of a disagreement over some of her choices. Somehow I lost the battle."

"Now Bella don't let her push around, if you don't want something just tell her so." Charlie suddenly looked away from the TV concerned about me.

I laughed away his fears, "don't worry Dad, it is nothing like that. Alice is not being a bully, well not much. She may come off as pushy but deep down she means well. She only wants the best for everyone."

Charlie settled down at my words, his attention went back to his game. I used the excuse of homework to head back upstairs.

I had a hard time concentrating as my mind kept going back to my conversations with Edward. I finally gave up and started to reach for my books hidden under the bed, I opened up the now worn pages and started to read but I could not seem to get into the story. Edward in the book called me kind, but apparently that was not the case.

I needed to be away from all this so I pulled out another well read book, my compilation of Jane Austen's works was one of my favorite. "It is a truth universally acknowledged..." I read the familiar words and allowed myself to be transported to the world of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy.

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A/N: Sorry for the long time to update, it has been a very busy summer. Thank you for everyone who continued to support me with reviews (and yes I was listening to your demands for an update.) Thanks for the encouragement and the criticism, I do listen to your ideas.


	12. Headache

12 - Headache

There was very little light behind my curtains when I woke up the next morning. I could not tell with any certainty the reason my eyes opened so early since under normal circumstances I was not an early riser and preferred to stay in bed as long as possible. It was not that I could not get up early but I had better have a darn good reason for it.

I could not be sure what brought me back from the land of dreams so early. This morning it could have been the general restlessness that had gripped me as of late or it might have beed due to the persistent nightmares that stole what little rest I might have gained from the meager amounts of sleep I managed to obtain. Everything seemed to be in flux right now, especially my future. The predictions of the books had somehow become my hopes for the future, and now I wanted nothing more than to be part of the Cullen family. These dreams of finally finding a place where I can actually fit in and thrive were as beautiful as a soap bubble - unfortunately they were just as fragile. While the book could anticipate some events, the accident with Tyler had clearly shown me that the severity of the damage could change. In order to hold onto this fragile dream I needed the precision of a vampire but I was stuck with using my brutish human hands. The anticipation of things to come was wreaking havoc with my feeble human mind as there was just too much for me to process. Would Edward love me? At this point I would settle for like. Would I like him? But that was a silly question since if he was half as amazing as the books described him I would love him forever. So that was one thing I knew for sure - I loved Edward.

There were few other certainties in my life right now, even Alice whose friendship I valued and depended on could be gone with the changing in the wind. While our friendship was deeper than described in the books I also knew that in the end she would choose her family and if it came down to it would disappear from my life as quickly as she had appeared. At this time only one other thing was certain and that was the fact that I would not be able to go back to sleep again. The reason was easy to identify, it was pain, the torture started in my shoulders and moved up and around my skull - this was the reason sleep would evade me yet again. The slight headache that had started in gym class the day before had returned with a vengeance. This time Alice's bubbly personality would not be enough to distract me from the pounding at my temples. Sleep usually offered some relief for my headaches but this time the opposite occurred. The increasing pain in the morning was not all that surprising considering the circumstances - usually in order to help heal my headaches I had to actually get some sleep in the first place. Dozing off sometime close to three in the morning was not conducive to getting a good nights sleep. The constant stress of trying to live with the predictions of the book was wreaking havoc with my already poor ability to sleep well. When the fiasco with Edward was added to that I might as well have attempted to fall asleep on a rock. There was no comfortable place on my bed, the pillow could not hold the right shape, the mattress was creaky, and no matter how I rolled there was a spring that kept digging into my hip. My wrist alternated between being insanely itching and this burning sensation that Carlisle had blamed on regenerating nerve endings. I was too cold if I kicked my blankets off but too hot if I pulled them around me. Needless to say it was not a good night. I groaned slightly as I moved my head to look at numbers on the alarm clock next to me. Great, Alice would not be here to help me get ready for another two hours. Now what was I supposed to do?

I knew I needed more sleep, at this point dozing would have been better than nothing, but as usual sleep evaded me. I could not seem to relax the muscles and my entire body remained as tense as a bow, anticipating I don't know what exactly - the beginning of my life? or just another horrible day at school riddled with mistakes? This is how Alice found me when she came to help me get dressed in the morning. I carefully rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom with a very quiet "morning" in her direction. Hoping that a shower would both wake me up and help relax the tense muscles I turned on the water and wrapped my cast in a garbage bag that Alice had conveniently placed under the sink.

I nearly broke down and cried as I got out from beneath the hot water. It seemed that I could not seem to find relief with any of my usual methods of relaxing. The shower had made me feel worse and this was something I had not thought within the realm of possibilities. The ache from my shoulders had spread down my back and into my chest. Maybe I had that pinched nerve thing in my chest that Carlisle had speculated about.

Rubbing the steam off of the bathroom mirror I looked at myself. The girl staring back at me could have passed for a vampire, except she was not pretty enough, but the paler than pale skin combined with the dark circles under my eyes were a perfect imitation of the telltale signs of a vampire. I tried to rub my neck in order to release some of the tension but the muscles seemed to only tighten under my fingers. "Yes happy Tuesday morning to you too," I whispered at the ghostly looking girl staring back at me with tired looking eyes. The worst part of it all was that it was Tuesday, meaning there were four more days of school to go before I could get a reprieve.

Desperate for a little bit of relief I opened the cabinet and poured a couple of Tylenols into my hand. Gathering a handful of water from the faucet I quickly swallowed the pills - hoping that they would help but knowing that there was little chance of that happening. I then dragged myself back to my room where Alice was waiting with a worried look.

"Bella?! Are you all right?" She asked as she helped me button up my shirt.

"I am fine," I told her with a weary sigh. "I just want..." a few days peace. But that was not to be and I knew it. No sense in wishing for what you could not have.

"Maybe you should lay off the long, hot showers. You are far too hot." She continued to help me get dressed as I repeated my pathetic 'I'm fine'.

Alice gave me a dirty look, clearly she did not believe my weak lies, but by some miracle she was not going to say anything. The pursed lips and the arched eyebrow made me believe that this reprieve was only temporary. She mumbled something under her breath but the softness and speed of the words made me think it was not meant for human ears. She then proceeded to make the ravages of a sleepless night disappear -sometimes I really loved Alice.

"You know Bella there is only so much make-up can do. You need to take better care of yourself." She exuded disapproval but underneath I could still hear the worry.

"I just need some more sleep, then everything would be fine. I just can't seem to get relaxed enough to get comfortable." I was starting to really whine.

"Maybe you can ask Carlisle to give you something." She gave me a look filled with speculation, "or you could tell him what it is that is bothering you."

"Other than some stubborn person who shall remain unnamed?" I asked with a weak laugh and to my relief she dropped the subject and laughed with me. Her laugh sounded a lot more genuine.

Breakfast did not last long as quickly I dumped my untouched bowl of cereal and most of my glass of orange juice down the sink. Alice did not seem to notice as she seemed especially preoccupied staring into space this morning. My appetite was non-existent and so my morning meal consisted of a couple of sips of orange juice. Instead I watched Alice as she paced back and forth across the small cramped kitchen. She had mentioned the fact that Jasper would not be joining us today but that was not that much of a surprise since Alice had dark eyes today and when Alice had dark eyes so did Jasper. When he was this close to being due for a hunting trip Jasper would put a little more distance between us. His control was not perfect and I could tell Alice's attention was mostly focused on her husband in an attempt to anticipate any potential accidents.

By the beginning of my Trig class it became apparent that the Tylenol had done little to alleviate the aches and pains in my body, and to make matters worse about half way through the morning nausea had been added to the mix. Great, what more could possible go wrong? Foolish question to ask of course.

"So Bella," Jessica greeted me in a voice filled with false warmth.

Heedful of my aching body I carefully sat down at my desk and tried to pretend to not hear her greeting. It did not come as a surprise that Jessica was not easily ignored.

"I heard you and Edward got into an argument in Biology class. I did not even know you two spoke to each other." Her voice was one that while it made a pretense of being a whisper in reality came out sounding more like a shout. Jessica certainly like her audience but I was not going to give her anything today. I put my head down on the desk and started to take a deep, slow breaths in an attempt to make my stomach settle down. My silence created what felt like an awkward pause and I felt a moment of relief that Jessica got the hint and would stop bothering me. That relief was short lived as she continued on.

"Yesterday was your day to argue with boys," I did not need to see her face to know she had on a very smug smile.

My face was happily concealed by my arms so I was free to roll my eyes without consequence, or at least so I thought it would be without risk, but my body had other ideas. The insides of my eyelids had turned into sandpaper and any movement of my eyes caused pain. Ignoring of my newest symptoms I concentrated more on Jessica - I was feeling very weak so the mask I usually presented to the world was gone. Jessica was not a stupid girl and would not hesitate to use my fragile state to gain information. I would not care much but I knew secrets that could never be revealed. As much as it annoyed me it might be better to let Jessica go with her current delusions. She had completely misread the situation with Mike and Edward and it was becoming obvious that she was trying to gather more fodder for the rumor mill in order to support her claims.

"You blew any chance you had to ask Mike out to the dance. This is the perfect opportunity to..." Paying attention Jessica's comments was vital to my attempts to avoid revealing my secrets but I could no longer concentrate on her words - I had far greater concerns.

Under normal circumstances Jessica's interrogation would have me made me hot faced with embarrassment but now I was the opposite. A thin layer of cold sweat broke out across my forehead, spit began to pool in my mouth but it did little to alleviate the dry feeling in my mouth - all clear indications that I would soon lose what little breakfast I managed to consume. Trying my best not to look conspicuous I tried to take deep breaths and swallow the bile that was swiftly rising up to my throat.

I managed to get my rebelling stomach back under control just in time for the tardy bell to ring and the teacher to start lecturing. Lifting my throbbing head I shifted as little as possible to pull out my notebook so at least I can make a pretense of paying attention.

"Bella?! Are you even listening to me?" I head Jessica's annoyed voice from my right but I did not dare look in her direction. It was simple self-preservation on my part because heaven help me if Mr. Varner decided to call on me today. I was not going to do anything that might put me in his cross hairs.

"No, headache," I whispered back while trying not to move my lips. Now that I had managed to get the nausea under control I could better concentrate on the headache that seemed to come back tenfold and had somehow spread into my limbs. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a dark corner, twist myself into the fetal position, and spend the rest of the day whimpering in pain but that was not on the schedule today. My concentration was shot, thank goodness for Alice being a math genius as she could explain it far better than Mr. Varner. I slouched down in my seat and tried to look as small as possible while at the same time trying to look interested. Fortunately the lecture did not last long and we were given some "work time" at towards the end of class. I drew doodles on my page since I was hurting too much to concentrate on Trig.

The two tight bands of pain that went from the middle of my head down to my shoulders had expanded into what felt like every one of my muscles. Everything on me was hurting from the tips of my toes to the hair on top of my head. The pain seemed to fluctuate at regular intervals and I entertained myself for a few minutes by trying to figure out the rhythm of my pain. "One, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand, ouch, one, one thousand..." I was prepared to this this until the end of class when I was rudely interrupted yet again.

"You know even if you are not going with Mike you could still come to the Spring Fling. There is no rule against going if you can't find a date. So don't worry about the fact that you managed to have a fight Edward as well Mike. It's not like you stood a chance." Jessica told me in a happy voice.

My astonishment made it impossible for me not to react and I wasted a great deal of precious energy turning towards her. My mouth was hanging open, stunned at her blindness. I don't know what was worse, Jessica believing that I was upset about not being able to dance with Mike or how important she seemed to think this dance was. It was a high school dance that happened all the time all over the country in every high school. It was nothing special or profound. It was not a consortium to help bring about world peace, it would not cure cancer, and it really did not matter in the long run because even if Mike and Jessica were to go out on this date in a couple of months they would be broken up and off seeing other people. Why did she have to announce it to me instead of going out and talking to Mike? A small part of my brain that was not busy cataloging my aches and pains was available to make several points. Jessica telling me about asking Mike out was an attempt to get a reaction - she wanted to make me jealous of her for being the winner of Mike. Had she even asked him or did she now think that it was a certainty now that I was out of the picture?

If I was going to be honest I would have to say that I was just a little bit envious of Jessica. My observations told me that Jessica was a very young girl who had not faced any sort of adversity in her life. She was the darling princess of the school and probably the same at home - though I should not make such assumptions, and maybe she had a hard life at home. From her behavior I was going to surmise that Jessica had led a sheltered life, her parents protected her from the harsh realities of life, and therefore she had yet to learn about life. She did not yet know that with a few exceptions nothing that happened in high school really mattered in the long run. She was not a bad person in general - she just had poor goals in life. At this moment in time finding the perfect date to the dance was a major driving force in her decisions. Maybe she wanted to be the reigning queen at this small school, and in her mind to achieve this goal she needed Mike. She had put in a great deal of effort into these plans and they looked like they were finally coming to fruition. To me Jessica was a three year old who wanted that piece of candy and not that she had it within her grasp instead of eating it she was going to show it off. In this scenario I was the evil person who had tried to take the candy for myself and Jessica was the victorious winner of the proverbial Tootsie Roll. She could have it for all I cared, with my blessing but that did not seem to matter to her and first she wanted to rub it in. Such a juvenile move but it was not a surprise coming from a stereotypical high school girl. The type of person I never wanted to be but I needed to emulate so that my classmates would never realize how different I was. While I loved my mother and her haphazard parenting is what made me the person I am today sometime - in a moment of great weakness - I would imagine what it would have been like had my parents not broken up. Would I have a little brother or sister? Would my father have taken care of things and allowed me to be a child that at the age of nine did not have to figure out how to pay for the electricity bill? The most relevant question of all: would I have turned out just as naive and spoiled as Jessica? Or would my personality push me towards where I was now, with few true friends and completely closed off from my peers? Usually at some point in my dreams I would recall that my father lived in Forks and I would have spent my entire life being rained on, and this thought is what made any such dreams rapidly change into a nightmare.

In retrospect I don't know what came over me, maybe I finally had enough and just wanted to be left alone. But suddenly I was determined to make Jessica understand that I did not care about any of this. Communication, had I not promised myself I would be better about it? I pulled up some of my last reserves determined to make certain things clear to Jessica. Though in retrospect I don't know why I bothered, Jessica like Mike both tended to ignore all evidence that did not go along with their version of reality.

"Jessica, just so you know. Edward and I did not have a fight. We really don't know each other well enough to have a fight. I am friends with his sister and not him. He does not hang out with us at all. I see him as much as you do at school and pretty much not anymore than that." She opened her mouth probably to question me but I raised my hand to stop her. I was not done yet. "I have no intention of asking Mike out so if that is what you want to do then best of luck. Mike is a friend, he will always be a friend and it will never go beyond that. Now if you will excuse me I have to go to the school nurse."

My speech seemed to finally accomplish the seemingly impossible task of rendering Jessica speechless. This came at a price and my long winded speech drained me of any little energy I might have left. Worst of all the nausea came back full force making me feel fairly sure that I would not make it to the nurse.

My paleness worked in my favor this once and Mr Varner did not hesitate long before agreeing to my request to leave early. He even offered an escort but when I told him I did not need one because I would probably end up in the bathroom first he could not get me out fast enough. It would have been amusing to see just how eager he was to get rid of me, but I was feeling far too ill for humor. Most people did not notice the small commotion I made with my hasty exit because they were too busy concentrating on their tricky math problems. For once in my life I was glad that Trig was a hard subject.

Instantly I was scurrying down the hall towards the closest bathroom. Pushing my way through the door I dumped my book bag onto the floor in the middle of the bathroom before rushing towards the toilet so I could empty the contents of my stomach. The fluttery feeling in my stomach increased as I braced myself with my one useful against the wall of the stall, the churning in my stomach increased, and then nothing happened. There had been a great deal of fanfare and expectation on my part so it was almost disappointing when nothing came up. Several minutes passed as I attempted to stay upright while staying within range of the toilet. I was hoping for the relief that often came with emptying my stomach but I should have known better. All of my usual forms of relief had become unreliable this morning and it felt like a gross betrayal by my body. Even my mind, the one thing that could never failed me, was becoming useless as my thoughts became more sluggish.

Giving up I washed my hands and splashed a little cold water on my face before grabbing my bag. Stepping outside I headed for the front office building. This morning when coming to school there had been no precipitation, only the low clouds, but that had changed so now a cool drizzle was falling from the sky. The rain here was different from the stuff that fell in Phoenix, there is was just an outpouring of the heavens that lasted five minutes tops, here there was more of a haze caused by water rather than individual rain drops. It was just like walking through a cloud, and as the mist settled on every exposed part of my body I gave up all attempts to look inconspicuous and simply took a shortcut across the slick dead grass instead of going down the designated sidewalks. I had one mission, and that was to get back home to my bed. First I would have to get past Mrs Cope and that was my current goal. The office door felt heavier than normal and it took a couple of tries to get it open. Mrs Cope was in her usual spot behind the counter reading what looked to be the morning paper.

The loud bang of the door slamming shut behind me caused her to jump a little and look up in annoyance at the noise.

"Hi," I started sounding a little out of breath. As much as I hated to miss school I was not going to learn anything in this state so my only choice was to go home and sleep this off.

"Isabella Swan, you look terrible," her expression instantly going from irritated to concerned.

"Yes, I have a bad headache and don't feel well. Could I be excused for the rest of the day?" It took only those few words to gain permission to go home, but it required much more effort to convince her not to call my father to come pick me up. She tried to get me to lie down in the nurse's office while I waited but I knew that if I lay down there would be no getting up again any time soon.

"No need to call my father away from his duties. I can get home on my own." I reached for my aching head and tried to hint at the fact that I wanted to leave sooner than later but obviously it was too subtle for Mrs Cope.

In retrospect it was not the greatest decision, and later I would blame it all on my illness, but sometime between escaping Mrs Cope's care and gathering my thick rain jacket from my locker I decided it would be too much to ask Alice for a ride. She was clearly worried about Jasper being thirsty and it was not that long of a walk home.

Less than fifteen minutes later I was regretting my brilliant plan to walk home. The rain had been a mere drizzle as I left the school grounds but over time the cold mist had slowly penetrated every layer of my clothing all the way to my skin.

"Just a little bit longer," the words came out somewhat stuttered due to the fact that my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. I had always been a horrible liar but this lie was one of my worst. I hunched my shoulders and ducked my head in a poor attempt to conserve the body heat I did not have. I hated Forks. Why had I come here again? It was March and the high today was going to be 50 degrees if it made it that high. In Phoenix it would have been sunny and close to the 70s by now. I despised this place, I despised the green, but most of all I despised my body for being a mere human and getting sick. Looking around I realized that somehow I had managed to accomplish the impossible -I was lost in Forks. The laugh that burst forth from my mouth was a touch hysterical. In the back of my mind I knew I was sick and that the heaviness in my limbs went beyond a simple headache. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do about it other than just keep on going and hope that I find a street that was familiar.

While concentrating on trying to find a landmark to orient me I did not notice the large tree I passed, I did not notice the fact that the roots had pushed up the pavement below my feet and made it uneven, but I did notice that something was amiss when I stumbled and lost my balance. I twisted my body trying to minimize the damage from a fall but because of my cast it was impossible to use my hands to brace myself. Instead I attempted to use my backpack to cushion my fall. There was not enough time to mull over the possible damage to my precious Trig book as my body hit the ground. I had not considered my move very thoroughly so it came as a complete surprise that while the backpack managed to protect my back from the hard ground it was not big enough to protect my head. The bone jarring thud that signaled my body hitting the ground was followed by another crack that was my head coming to stop against the sharp edge of the curb.

I need not worry about blood thirsty vampires that find me extra tasty when I was perfectly capable of killing myself. For a few seconds I just lay there and went through my meager options. There were really two possibilities: one I could continue walking, or two, I could sit here and get rained on. The sitting here was certainly appealing but with my luck I would probably catch pneumonia - if I did not have it already. With a great deal of reluctance I sat up and examined myself for damage. I was inspecting the new crack in my cast when I felt a liquid fall into my left eye. Under normal circumstances I would have thought it was merely rain but this liquid was far too dark to be water and there was an accompanying sting over the affected eye.

"Shit," the curse word just rolled off my tongue like I had said it a thousand times. There was what felt like a large gash across my forehead that was bleeding rather profusely. Not having much to work with I used my wet scarf as an emergency dressing - not that the scarf had been all that useful in protecting me against the cold. I am sure it looked absolutely ridiculous but I was beyond caring at this point as all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. I pushed myself off the wet pavement, took a deep breath, and used any and all of my reserves to just keep moving my feet. By some miracle I did find a street I recognized though by that point any joy I might have felt at the prospect at being un-lost was dimmed by my increasing lightheadedness.

My journey home became more and more hazy but somehow I had the wherewithal to make it home - though I seem to recall a great deal of stumbling and falling down on my knees. I do not remember meeting anyone else during my drunken trek home, but that could have been either because everyone was off at work or I was too busy falling to notice another human around. An eternity later I managed to open my front door and stagger into the living room before falling down on the couch. The cold seemed to have settled into my bones and I could do little but lay there as shivers racked my entire body. I was just so cold, would I ever be warm again? I knew I needed to do something but my limbs were far to heavy to move because every last bit of my energy had been used getting home. I pulled the old afghan crocheted by grandma Swan across my weary body body hoping it would help. Time seemed to hold little meaning as I lay there on the couch slipping in and out of consciousness. The ringing of the phone made me wake up a little bit but not enough to want to go answer it.

Knowing that if it was truly important they would just have to leave a message I ignored the sound of the phone and went back to shivering. I heard the telltale sound of the phone switching over to the answering machine, "Bella, this is Esme. I heard you left school early because you were sick. Did you make it home all right, how did you get home? Alice said she did not drive you. I am on my way to your house just to make sure that everything is all right."

Happiness flooded me at the knowledge that Esme was coming. She was my tireless second mother and would know exactly how to help me get warm. Hoping I could make her get here faster I shifted a little towards the phone. My movements jostled my makeshift headband and my blood soaked scarf fell into my lap. Blood. Vampire. With what little energy I had left I threw myself to grab the phone before it was too late.

"Esme! No! No!" My attempt at a scream came out as a hoarse whisper.

"Bella, thank God..." I heard her sweet voice through the line.

"No Esme, bleeding. Stay away...please." My words were not very coherent she needed to know about the blood. I was a bleeding human while she was a vampire - that was a dangerous mixture. "Sorry," I mumbled before dropping the phone back on the receiver. I don't know why I was apologizing but it was my fault really. I was just so clumsy and if I had not cracked my head open Esme would have come and I would have been warm again. A few tears trickled down my face as misery overtook me. I had been self-reliant for most of my life but as of late I had been spoiled by Esme's mothering. Most of my life I had been the one doing the mothering but now when Esme had shown me what I was missing out on I wanted more of it. It was too bad she could not come anywhere near me when I was bleeding.

It would have required far more energy than I had to lift my body back onto the couch so I sat down in a crumpled heap on the old and worn run in the middle of my father's living room. My limbs were too heavy to move, my eyes were too hard to keep open, but I knew I should have moved at least to retrieve my blanket. Instead I lay there vacillating between worry and hope - worry that Esme would not heed my warning and she would come here anyway, and hope that she would somehow manage her thirst and warm me up. This way my hope as the darkness took over me again.

* * *

A/N: Thanks everyone for all your support and reviews. I was going to include more but the second part of this was driving me nuts and not shaping up the way I wanted it to. So I am giving you this piece and hope you have some patience with me while I work out the next part. Tell me what you think is wrong with Bella? Any guesses? I have noticed that Bella seems to have a steady internal monologue but I see her as that sort of person - one who kind of spends most of her time alone, in her head. Is this too much? Thanks for your input.


	13. Dreams

13 - Dreams

Someone was calling my name. Bella, Bella. At least the people of Forks had finally stopped with all the Isabellas. There was fog surrounding me, pushing down on my limbs, and making them too heavy to move. I was tired, so tired. Much too tired to figure out where all this fog had come from. Maybe my paranoia was not uncalled for, maybe Forks was really out to kill me, and this heavy mist was the current tool of this evil, wet place.

I was not alone in my murky surroundings. Alice was here but I was having a hard time trying to figure out why she was dressed like a giant chicken. Was it October already? Alice was the closest to me but she was not the only one moving around in the mist that surrounded me. Huge shadows weaved in and out of the grey fog and occasionally I would catch a glimpse of a giant wolf. As far as my tired mind could determine there were at least three if not four of these lean and hungry looking creatures, and they were eyeing Alice like she was lunch. These haggard looking creatures were much larger than the wolves I had seen in zoos so it made me think they were the notorious werewolves I had read so much about. I tried to tell Jake to stop, hoping he was amongst the slobbering monsters, but all I seemed to get out was his name.

"Bella, can you hear me?" out of the fog came the very insistent voice of Carlisle. His normally crisp and clear words sounded muffled and quiet. I tried my best to listen to him since Carlisle always gave good advice but it was too hard to fight the haze.

Carlisle's voice came again this time a little more persistent. "Bella, I need you to wake up a little bit more." He sounded worried and I don't know why but I knew that it was somehow my fault. I only created problems for the people around me. Wherever I went mayhem followed closely behind.

I tried to reassure Carlisle but my mouth was not being cooperative. Finally after a few false starts I was able to push the fog away and speak, "I'm fine."

Carlisle's laugh was beautiful and I wanted to hear some more of it but the humor soon left him. "Bella, what happened to your head? Did someone hurt you?"

Head? There was nothing wrong with my head except for the fog that refused to go away. "Carlisle? What are you doing in my room?" I asked completely confused as to why it was Carlisle and not Alice waking me up. "I don't feel well, I don't think I can go to school today."

"Bella you are delirious, we need to get you dry but first let me fix your forehead." It was not until I felt Carlisle pick me up off the ground and felt the rough fabric of the couch under my hands that I realized I was in the living room of my father's house and not in my bedroom.

"Esme, is she okay?" My mind was still very fuzzy and working at the rate of molasses but I remember being very worried about her. Why would Esme be in trouble?

"Esme is doing well. She is waiting right outside," Carlisle's voice moved away from me. I heard the crackle of the plastic followed by Carlisle returning and putting his cool fingers on my forehead.

"Ouch," I cried out as he dabbed at my tender forehead.

"Well this certainly explains your x-rays. What is the longest you have gone without bumping your head?" The next moment there was a pinch on the same spot above my left eye followed by the burn that I had learned to associate with the injection of local anesthesia.

"I will need to put in stitches, this gash is far too large for steri-strips." Carlisle's words were followed by the sound of more plastic being ripped. I cracked my eyes open a little but the light hurt my eyes too much.

"I have a headache," I told him quietly. As the fog receded from my limbs I realized that it was not just my head that was hurting but my entire body. The morning started to come back to me starting with my nightmares, the headache, the conversation with Jessica, and my somewhat haphazard trip home. "I fell and bumped my head."

"I suspected as much," His words did not interrupt the rhythmic tugging at my forehead. I assumed each tug was him putting in another stitch, how many stitches did I need? Soon Carlisle was announcing that my forehead was stitched up and telling me he was going to get Esme. "I just need to clean up all the blood so that Esme can come in." The scent of bleach permeated the air, it was so strong that it was starting to burn my nose. My eyes might have been playing with me or it could have been vampire speed because Carlisle instantly disappeared and was replaced by a very worried looking Esme.

She touched my head, "Carlisle, does she have a concussion?"

"That is highly possible but what concerns me more is the fact that she is soaked to the bone but her body still feels slightly warm. She must have had a very high fever to have kept such a temperature. We need to get her changed and take her to the hospital so that I can figure out what might be causing this temperature."

"I will call Charlie when we are headed that way." I was able to fully hear their conversation but it was very hard to keep my eyes open. I sort of remember Esme using a towel to dry my hair and helping me get into some dry sweats and an old t-shirt. Next I was being carried to a large black car that I recognized as Esme's and I fell asleep one more time.

* * *

Wading waist deep through what was once a picturesque meadow I looked around confused. My jean clad legs protected me from the sharp edges of the dry grass. Occasionally a dried seed pod would attach itself to my clothing proving that once this meadow was a vibrant green filled with wildflowers. The sea of nothing but dead plants was a startling view especially when beyond the meadow was an emerald green forest. Though forest was an understatement, it was more like a lush, verdant wall of life. Above me the view of the sky was blocked by a mass of grey clouds that moved and churned in an ominous way, promising rain soon. The parched looking meadow certainly could have used some of that water but it might have been too late.

The green trees combined with the cloudy sky made me suspect that my location was somewhere in the vicinity of Forks. Unless there was another place in the world where the sun refused to shine - well maybe Antarctica, but I did not see any penguins around me so I was going to go with Forks. It was kind of ironic that I had spent the past few months complaining about there being too much green in Forks but now it bothered me that I was in a field of brown grass. This clearing should have been filled with thick green grass and dotted with flowers in various hues of pink, yellow, and orange. This dead section of the world in the midst of an ocean of emerald hills was an abomination.

The meadow was relatively round making me suspect that it had been created by human hands in an attempt to push back the forest. Two majestic trees had been spared the axe. Why had they been saved? Was there something special about them? Maybe it was simply a matter of their size. The two ancient specimens' long gnarly limbs reached nearly from one side of the meadow to the other. These two would have been more than enough to imbue the area with a little green, but unfortunately like the grass these trees too were dead. They twisted limbs reminded me of an aging set of servants who would still give their lives in order to protect their masters. I might not be a botanist but from the looks of things they may have already given their lives for such a purpose. There were very few leaves still clinging to the branches and like everything else in the meadow these too were brown.

Suddenly a small gust of wind shook the few remaining leaves. This was the only sound in this place and it was the sound of death, the death rattle of these former glorious specimens. As I circled them I noticed they had been hiding a decrepit old building. Clearly nothing lived in this place anymore. I found myself at the place that was strangely familiar but I could not quite put my finger on it. Ahead of me the steps were half rotten so I took extra care when I stepped up to the front door - or what was left of it. The large front doors had fallen flat and no longer offered any peace or security against the elements. The large windows had once been flanked by large shutters but now half of them were gone and the remaining ones were barely hanging on. Their rusty hinges were not going to last much longer and soon they would fall down just like the door.

"Hello, anyone home?" I was not expecting an answer so much as trying to break the tomblike silence. Obviously nobody had been home for a long time. The windows were missing panes and gave glimpses of an interior that looked to be in worse shape than the exterior. Moth eaten sheets covered what remained of the furniture and so perhaps the people had left with every intention of coming back. My ever present curiosity carried me across the threshold and into the skeleton of a house. My footsteps made little noise as I walked across the remains of the front door but I made sure to test the floor beneath me before I proceeded. There was a very good chance that if I took a wrong step the floor could collapse underneath me.

Through the large holes in the furniture covers I could see the hints of what had once been very elegant furniture but now was now housing various insects, reptiles, and most likely a few mammals as well. Due to time and water the original color of the walls was indiscernible but I doubted it was anything close to the current shade of drab, grey-green. How long had this place been abandoned? Surely this level of deterioration did not occur in just a few weeks - it had taken several years to build up to this amount of decay.

In the center of the room was a raised dais with another cloth covered object placed on top of it. It looked too tall and flat to be a couch but it was not rectangular like a table. My feet carried me towards it before I even made the decision to go investigate. All caution had flown from my mind as I was pulled towards the platform that stood in a place of honor at the center of the house. I did not even think about what creatures I was disturbing as I grabbed handfuls of the cover and tugged away the old cloth to reveal what was hidden beneath. The sight before me brought me to my knees as recognition flooded my system. A piano stood in front of me, more specifically Edward's piano, the keyboard was missing several keys and would never be played again. It was this final realization that brought forth the tears. I would never get to hear Edward play on this instrument. The Cullens had abandoned their home here and more importantly they had abandoned me. My second family, the group I had found that accepted me as is. My only chance at being around people who did not make me feel like a freak. They were gone, along with my dreams of not having to play a part in order to fit in. Maybe they had realized that I was ordinary and not worth keeping.

Tears blurred my eyes and blocked out the horrible sight in front of me. "You left me, why did you leave me? I love you." I don't know who I was speaking to, maybe Edward, or maybe it was Esme and Carlisle. The fog came back and this time I was completely and utterly alone. Alice in her chicken suit was gone along with the large wolves. I tried to fight the fog but it was too strong and my body was too weak.

"Bella, wake up, you are just dreaming," a voice that rivaled the angels in perfection called me from the fog. Edward was here? Maybe I had not been abandoned just yet. I listened to his voice and tried my best to follow his command. I would do anything that voice asked.

I opened my eyes to semi-darkness but even in the low light I could see the beautiful face of Edward hovering above me. "Oh Edward," in a moment of foolishness I attempted to reach out and touch him - just to make sure he was really there in front of me and not just an apparition. Fortunately my impulsiveness did not cause any trouble as my muscles refused to listen to me. They made a half hearted attempt to obey my orders but they were far too weak to propel me towards Edward.

He noticed my struggle to move.

"Bella you need to calm down, you are sick," his smooth voice tried to reassure me. I was mesmerized by the movement of his lips as each sound was formed. My distraction did not last as memories flooded back to me at a much faster rate than last time. I had woken up with a headache but still had gone to school. I could not make it past math class so I had attempted to walk home. Looking around the strange room I recognized the sterile aspects of a hospital room.

"So..." my voice sounded harsh especially in comparison to Edward's. I cleared my throat a little and tried to asses the damage. My entire body ached and felt weak with that shaky feeling that comes after a fever. There was a general ache in my head signaling the fact that I was not completely finished with that headache that started everything but now there was and extra sharp quality to it over a section above my left eyebrow. My hand trembled as I lifted it to touch the thin bandage over the spot. It seems I had been sick, and hurt... again. "What is the damage this time?" I asked with a heavy sigh as I let my hand drop back down onto the coarse hospital sheets. At least I was not hooked up to an IV.

"You have influenza, a large gash on your head, and are starting to get the beginnings of a pneumonia. By some miracle you managed to avoid getting a concussion." His voice got louder with each offense as he glared down at me. "How could you have walked home by yourself?"

"Sorry," I was a very sick girl that I was happy that Edward was angry with me. At least he was acknowledging my existence. He did not offer any explanation as to why he was here with me in the hospital room instead of my father or come to think of it one of his parents. I was not going to remind him of the fact that we had previously not been on speaking terms. Instead I acted like a foolish teenage girl with a major crush and just stared at him. I had never really had the opportunity to really look at him because he was usually moving away from me as quickly as possible. Was I shallow for falling in love with the most beautiful creature I had ever met? Was it really love or something closer to lust? I would have been worried about loving him only for his looks had I not fallen in love with the man even before setting eyes on him.

"Are you all right?" he asked after a long awkward pause. I could hear the tension and worry underneath the smoothness of his voice. How was it possible that I could discern his moods so well?

A large hank of hair had fallen across my face as I turned my head to face him but I was too tired to reach up and move it. "I'm fine," my voice sounded weak. The lack of energy went beyond my limbs and had leached into my soul. I was exhausted with the constant stress of trying to remain strong and tired of trying to constantly fight the tears. And I was tired - tired of fighting to keep ahead of the dire predictions of the book, tired of keeping all these secrets, and tired of trying to hold it together while keeping up the pretense that everything was normal. For once I wanted to be myself, to tell the truth, and let someone fully in. A part of me was fighting very hard to continue to keep it all inside of me but that part was quickly being drowned out by the voice of reason. Why had I been hiding something as important as the books from the Cullens? Suddenly the thought of exposing my thoughts to the entire family was a small cost to pay for preparing them for the appearance of James, Victoria, and the Volturi.

I looked into Edwards dark eyes, happy to notice that he had not moved from my bedside. The books had claimed that they became frozen in time during the transformation into vampire. Physically I could see that nothing marred the perfection that was Edward's face but what about his soul? How many scars did his dead heart have across its stone surface? What battles had he fought against himself and his vampiric nature to be standing here next to me? I was his natural prey, in fact I was his singer and yet he had gone out of his way to protect me from harm.

"Do you think you have a soul?" I don't know where that came from and neither did Edward. If I had not been watching his face so closely I would not have seen the moment of anguish before his face cleared of all emotion.

"Bella, I will find my father. You are delirious."

This time I did gather enough strength to reach out and grab his arm. "No I am fine, just answer the question. Do you think you have a soul?" All thoughts of Alice's plan of seduction and subterfuge went out the door. The truth was far to important for some poor attempt at flirtation on my part.

For a moment we both stared at the spot where we touched. That electric current was zinging and twirling between us, getting stronger with each second. I looked up and quickly hid a smile at his expression. Though I was not sure which one of us was more surprised at my audacity - I had touched Edward Cullen. We might have had several layers of clothing between us as he was still wearing a jacket but I could still feel the stone hard muscles moving underneath my fingers.

_What would it feel like to have all those muscles moving around and above me?_ The unbidden thought came bursting out of nowhere and for a moment I could not catch my breath. Bad, bad Bella. There was no way I should be thinking things like that but those thoughts were there nonetheless. I was a healthy teenage girl and while my personality might be that of a forty year old my body was definitely reacting the way a seventeen year old's would to a good looking boy. My heart beat furiously, pushing blood into my cheeks as I hoped that Edward interpreted my blush the wrong way. But in the book he had always had a hard time reading me. With luck he would think my blush was due to the impertinence of my question instead of awareness of his body. He gently slid his forearm out from underneath my fingers.

I bit my lip and kept eye contact to make sure he would not pull another disappearing act - Edward was really good at those. I was trying to be patient and give him enough time to answer the question. I could see that he was taking my question seriously or it could have been that he was just indulging the crazy girl while he waited for help to come. I did not regret the question since I needed to know the answer - with one word Edward could slam the door shut on our future together. But I would not think like that, I would fight him with everything I had including the beautiful future the book had promised us so long as we fought to stay together.

After what felt like hours but was probably just a few minutes he took a shallow breath. The answer was clear just by the lack of emotions showing in his face.

"You are wrong," I interrupted before he could say anything. "Someone without a soul would not feel as much guilt as you do." This was something that I had not only read about in the books but had seen for myself as I interacted with the Cullens. There was a general air of guilt that followed Edward. Carlisle displayed this as well but he had become a doctor to help people, to atone for what he was. I was willing to argue that Carlisle had nothing that needed absolving. From day one he had all by himself not given into instinct and had led a morally just life.

"That is your opinion, but you are still young and have not really lived yet." His voice sounded harsh, he was able to keep the emotions off of his face but his voice gave him away.

"No matter how hard you try to be good, or how much you work to better yourself it will never be enough. Do you know why? Because it is really hard to obtain atonement for the sins you have yet to commit."

"I will go get Carlisle," he said walking towards the door. At least I had managed to get him to show emotions again. This time it was concern but it was better than nothing.

"Guilt and insecurity." I blurted out my epiphany. Just like Darcy and Elizabeth - pride and prejudice had kept them apart but for Edward and I it was guilt and insecurity. It seems all those night of insomnia had payed off but it took a fever to really make things click in my head. "I guess both of us have our share of insecurities. I think you are far too perfect for a plain boring mortal like me and you think yourself unworthy of love. You are wrong."

"Bella you are very special, you clearly know things." I could see the pain in his voice as he spoke. I was right, he did not think he deserved love.

"You think I am special because I know things?" I said the last two word like a curse. He thought I was special because of the predictions of the books. Well I was about to burst his bubble. "I have one skill Edward, and it is of Olympic level." If I was not so nervous I would have laughed at the level of anticipation in his face. "I can read really well, that is my one and only skill. Right before coming to Forks I received a set of books predicting my future here. That is all I am, that is why I know things. So you see I am nothing special."

"Is your fever coming back?" He moved back to stand next to the bed and reached out to touch my forehead to ascertain how sick and delusional I was. Revealing my secret at this point was probably not the wisest decision I had ever made especially since I was still sick but I had finally managed to get enough sleep to remove the cobwebs from inside my mind that had been there for weeks due to my bout of insomnia.

"No I am not, there is a box under my bed. Inside are all the books. Go read them but promise me you will not leave. Nothing good ever comes from you leaving." I looked up at Edward's eyes trying to convince him that I was telling the truth and not in the midst of fevered delusions. There was an aching feeling in the vicinity of my heart as I waited for him to realize the truth. I was concentrating so hard I could see the exact moment when he finally started to believe me. "I am no one special. Just a boring human that somehow managed to get her life tangled up in something extraordinary."

"Bella you are wrong. You are ..." His words were intense along with his face but he did not continue. While I was being truthful I let the extent of my love for him show in my face. The man who was not perfect but was fighting tooth and nail to get there. The poor fallen angel who had made mistakes and was still beating himself up over it. I could have been actually delusions but for a split second, a nanosecond really, I thought I saw the same level of love reflected in his eyes. It was like he too felt the same way. I did not know if this was the end or the beginning but at this moment I did not care. In this second everything was perfect, it was everything I wanted. Of course it did not last very long.

"Your father is coming and it would look untoward if he found a man in what could be construed as your bedroom," he said softly as the walls came up again.

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A/N: Thank you so much for your patience and all the lovely reviews. I really like the encouragement and the insight that some of you put into it. I am sorry if I forgot to reply to some of yours, but usually in the past couple of weeks when I was at my computer I was busy staring at the story. I know it does not look it but I promise there are parts that I spend an entire day on just one paragraph.

Generally I don't complain about guest reviews (honestly I love them too) but if you are going to ask me a question on a review it is really hard to answer when I have no one to reply to. :D Someone asked about Bella getting the rest of the books, she found one at the airport but located the rest in her bags when she got to Forks. That is how she has all 4 books. So here is a reply to your review, have a good day.

Any suggestions as to how Edward will react to the books? Or will he not believe her and go on ignoring her as usual?


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